The 'Support' I Needed

I had been squirming all day long in my seat. Four-morning classes were over and two more were scheduled after the break followed by a Chemistry Practical before the school hours would end. It was lunch break now. All my classmates grabbed their tiffin boxes and started moving out of the classroom. Some would spend their lunch hour in the playground while some preferred to sit in the canteen. My best friends Tia and Ruha called my name and gestured for me to accompany them. I sighed and stood up to go down to the canteen, but I could not. My legs were shaking with fear and my eyes were almost watery. As Tia walked towards me, asking if I was okay, I just smiled and said, "Got my periods… I'd better stay in the classroom. I am feeling really sick today". "Oh, no problem. But do eat something", Tia said as she walked back. Wasn't it the most common excuse a girl could make? Of course, it was! The most convincing one actually, but for me, the reality was far on the opposite end.

I spent the next half an hour to 45 minutes loitering in the corridor. I hadn't eaten anything since the tiny portion of breakfast I had before leaving home. I had already heard enough from my mother this morning for not eating well, wasting food, not obeying her and so on….. her list of complaints never ends, I always thought. She makes an issue of petty things, how is she ever going to handle what is about to happen? I wondered.

My classmates were back from the break and the next class started immediately after. Mrs Pragya Kashyap, my Class Teacher entered with the attendance register and last week's surprise test papers, in which I'm sure I must not have scored any good. I was now compelled to sit down and spend another 45 minutes listening to her unnecessary "gyaan". Well! I had no other choice. Patience was the only virtue I needed at the moment. Attendance was done, papers were distributed, and we all were ordered to get them signed by both our parents tomorrow. "What nonsense is this", I spoke to myself silently, "we are in Standard 10 now. Why do these stupid teachers treat us like little KG kids? Do these stupid test papers decide our fate? Not at all. There are so many things going on in a life of a 16-year-old, these Oldies have no idea about it. They chide us for not doing homework and talking in class. Old-Generation people! Have they ever thought about what is important to us at this age? Don't we have any problems or concerns of our own? Don't we struggle to put our life in place? Okay, we don't have jobs and corporate issues and salaries to bother about; but our problems are equally huge. And this…. This is like the end of the world to me. Everything has fallen apart, I… I can't take this anymore…. I might just….. I just wanna kill myse…. ", I somehow burst into tears. The stress was too much to handle. I grabbed my small pouch (which usually contained a kerchief, a tiny comb, lip balm and talc). But today, there was a new item in this pouch. I anxiously stood up and walked toward the Teacher's desk. Mrs Kashyap frowned and said, "Where are you going?". I replied with arrogance, "To the washroom… wanna join?". The students had a small fun laugh while I continued my way towards the corridor. My tone and the pitch of my voice were certainly very disrespectful, but I had no time to care for it. The last thing I saw was the Teacher (Mrs Kashyap) looking furiously at me. I walked straight to the toilet. But little did I know, the angry teacher was following me. I placed my pouch on the sink-slab and took out 'that' thing, which I had purchased yesterday on my way back home. I did not have the guts to use it at home. I had read the instructions carefully and was about to use them now. 'It' was a pregnancy test kit.

I started removing its wrapper slowly. In a second or two, Mrs Kashyap barged into the washroom. The kit, fell from my hand as I turned around in shock, and landed right near the Teacher's feet. She bent down and picked it up. "Oh, so this is it! The reason for your anguish, anxiety and fear", she spoke in a calm tone. She quickly turned around and locked the washroom door from inside. I had never spoken to Teacher personally, it had always been very formal conversations about the notes, homework, tests, etc. I shook in fear, my feet trembled as she approached me. My tears said it all. I wanted to cry as loudly as I could, but it all narrowed down to sad, painful sobbing. The teacher walked straight up to me. I knew she would slap me for being caught in school taking a pregnancy test. She would make a great issue out of it. I will make the school Headlines tomorrow. These people will inform my parents and my unsympathetic mother is going to kill me. But today, the Teacher surprised me. She held me tight, put her arms around me and hugged me. "I have been observing you for 3-4 days, you look very anxious in class. I did not know what it was all about, but now I do", she said. She observes me! I wondered. "There are 50+ students in the class. She walks in, teaches that insensible subject of Math and leaves. When did she observe me so well", I asked myself. Anyhow, I didn't know what excuse to make, so I spoke nothing. She held my face in her palms, wiped my tears, and said, "We teachers know it all. Sometimes even more than individual's mothers do. You know Samidha, a mother raises a maximum of 2 or 3 children, but we, teachers be with children all our lives. Year after year, we see so many children grow up into mature adults. And for me, I have been in this school for the last 20 years. I know it all! I can read a child's mind, not boasting about it, but that's true My Dear!".

I listened to hear as if I was in a trance. For the first time, her words sound like soft music. They had a deep meaning, much more than when she generally speaks about Angles and Tangents and Calculus and all.

"Sorry Samidha, she continued, I think if I could not make you trust me so far, then it's all my fault. I should have given you the positivity to make you feel free and talk to me about your troubles. I think I failed as a Teacher".

"No Teacher, it's not your fault. In fact, Thank You for bearing with me and my behaviour today. I am very troubled", I sobbed again.

"I know, and as much as I want to hear everything from you and help you out of this dire situation, first of all, I want you to go and take the Pregnancy test. Do you know how to use it? she asked.

"Yes", I replied firmly, "I have seen a few demo videos".

She patiently waited outside while I took the test in the toilet. She being with me gave me so much courage. I wish my mother had done the same. I wish I could have spoken about this to my mother and could have gotten the same response from her. Alas! She is 'She' …. Insensitive to my problems, only concerned about my ranks, marks and certificates. I had finished the test and both, Teacher and I waited patiently for the result.

"Teacher, you should go back to the class, everyone must be talking about us right now", I said in a timid voice.

"Don't worry about them, I am here with you. Now tell me all the details, who is he, what is the story.. everything. Look Samidha, do not hide anything from me, that is the only way I will be able to help you out", she said.

I narrated the whole thing about this guy I met at a friend's party last month. It was the first time I had consumed alcohol, that too in a large amount. I was very upset with my mother for putting so many restrictions on me and the same morning we had a terrible fight over going to this party. I had behaved very badly with her and walked out of the house at 9 pm in the most sensuous clothing I had. I now feel I went way too far that night just to vent the anger I had toward my mother. I just wanted to 'Show Her' how wild I can get. I'm regretting all this so much, I am literally cursing myself and my childish behaviour but I know this will escalate even more when my mother gets to know about it.

The teacher consoled me. "You kids, you think parents are your biggest enemies, don't you? Samidha, I did not know you have such an unhealthy relationship with your mother. I think I have taught you enough of Math, now I am going to teach you and your mother how to deal with each other. I will do my best, my child. And I will make sure your dynamic with her will change for the better. But you need to have faith in me…. Do you trust me?", she asked.

I wiped my tears and spoke affirmatively, "Yes, now I do!".

She hugged me tightly. We both checked on the test kit, which had somehow turned out to be negative. I was overwhelmed with joy. But my experienced 'Teacher' said, "we can't rush to a conclusion. We will get a proper checkup done to be sure. And this time, I will accompany you to the clinic".

#ThankyouTeacher. Thanks for everything, I said as I gathered my stuff and walked out of the washroom holding my Teacher's arm tightly.