Would you still have faith....

Can you still have faith when you lose it all?

That is truly the question...can you still have faith when you lost it all? I am a firm believer in everything happens for a reason and for a lesson. I remember asking myself that very question eight years ago today. I had asked for prayers as I know that if two or more people pray about it, it shall be done. So I thought it was a done deal as I walked in the mediators room that day for my divorce hearing. I remember telling God that I was going to just follow him because he knew where I was going and I knew it would be okay. 

I knew that this was going to be my season, and that all the pain I suffered from this verbally abusive marriage was soon going to be over. I never had a doubt that I would get what I deserved after all didn't I have enough pain? So you could imagine my shock when I didn't get alimony for twenty four years of suffering. Not only that, I only got two hundred and fifty dollars a month for two kids in our shared custody agreement. Really?? This is what I remember yelling in the courtroom, why does he win yet again ? 

This was so unfair, I have been praying, going to church, tithing, being a blessing to others. Have I not tried to be the best person I could be? Why would this happen? I cried not for the end of my marriage, for that part I was truly happy it was over. No, I cried for yet another slap in my face, to me it felt like another put down "look, I told you I would drag you through the mud and win, you are still nothing" 

I could hear him say in my head as he sat there with that smug look on his face. 

He had yet again won I thought, until I realized that even without anything I still had my peace and joy that God gave back to me. Maybe this was part of God's bigger plan for me, that I couldn't see, maybe it was another test to see if I crumbled and gave up my faith in him. I realized at that moment that I

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would not crumble, I wouldn't die because I got nothing. My freedom was worth more to me than any amount of money. I already knew that I would do anything to get out of this marriage, I would wipe people's ass's, clean people's toilets, I didn't care as long as I was free, that is what really mattered. 

See I knew what my destiny was. My purpose is to be a voice for others, to write this blog and my books, to speak out and let everyone know that even if you lose it all, they can't take your joy. They can't take your faith, they can't take your heart anymore! 

I write every day about believing, Hell, I even had it tattooed on my foot to remind me. I will not, can not, stop believing!! All of that just meant there were greater things out there for me. This was just some more test for my testimony!

I learned that I am the Phoenix that will arise from the ashes to not just overcome but achieve greatness beyond his wildest dreams! I will not forget where I came from and I know that karma will eventually take effect. I've learned that being peaceful and happy is the best revenge!

So today my friends, I ask you can you still have faith when you lost it all?

Can you still move on without bitterness and anger? 

Can you trust God or whoever you believe in for comfort and peace in your storm? If you can, you have just learned the most important lesson of all, that money doesn't buy you happiness and peace of mind comes from inside you.

Let me leave you with a quote from one of my favorite movies, The Color Purple. It is where after being beaten down for years Whoopi Goldberg finally finds the strength to leave her husband.

As he tries to grab her from leaving she puts her finger in his face and says "Everything you done to me is already done to you! I may be poor, and black, I may even be ugly but dear god I'm here and I'm free!

That my friends are priceless.