Unexpressed Felling

Dilnoza, the girl who met me in an English learning group. She was from another country and was 17 years old just 2 years younger than me. She was a school going student while I was studying at the University. She was planning her bachelor in an English speaking country and I was planning my higher education masters. We both were the active participants of that particular group with the purpose of English language test preparation. 

One night she texted me at 11:30 pm and the texts were as follows.

She: Hi!

Me: Hello!

She: Are you Zishan?

Me: Yes!

She: How are you?

Me: Alhamdollilah, I am good. What about you?

She: Well! I am fine. 

She: How old are you?

Me: I am 19. What about you?

She: I am 17.

Me: Okay, What’s your name?

She: My name is Dilnoza.

Me: Okay, sounds good.

She: what do you do?

Me: I am studying Engineering. What about you?

She: I am studying in School.

Me: Okay, that’s good.

She: Can I see you?

Me: Can I ask the same question?

“Can my eyes see you?” 

She: Can you send me your picture first, please…?

Me: I am sorry, I can’t send you first. 

    Maybe after you.

She: Hmmm…(After few minutes)

    Okay, but promise you will send yours too.

Me: I hope so. Be positive. 

She: “IMAGE”

Me: Amazingly, You are beautiful.

She: Now you send me your picture.

Me: okhay, you will have to wait.

She: I am waiting.

Me: Can I ask why you want to see me?

She: Yes come on, you may ask later. But I want to see you first. 

Me: Cool 

Me: “IMAGE” 

She: Hmm... You look handsome.

Me: Million thanks 

She: By the way, can you help me a bit in improving my conversational English?

Me: Of course. 

She: Okay, tell me how to do that.

Me: Join us on zoom at 12:30 GMT to practice your verbal communication with the native speaker. 

She: Okay, please share the link.

Me: Sure, tomorrow.

See you tomorrow at the session.

She: Are you going, Zishan? 

Me: Yup, I have to sleep. It’s late-night here.

She: Okay, I am sorry!

Good night. Please share me the meeting link tomorrow.

Me: I will do that.

She: Okay.

Me: Slip Tight. (it is an idiom used in the place of 'good night').

She: You too. Goodnight

Finally, I slept and woke up at 6 am as per my normal schedule and the day was as usual. At 12:30 GMT which is 6 PM IST, I generated the meeting and shared with our regular members and with Dilnoza too. She joined the meeting but was silent. One of our group members asked her for Introduction where she introduced the name and her nationality only. We discussed a lot of things like culture, tourism, etc. but she was silent during the entire session. Later, she texted me as she felt difficulties in understanding us. She couldn’t get every word of the conversation. I suggested her to join the session regularly and as we had few native speakers so there was a high chance of quick improvement. Upon my advice, she(Dilnoza) continued joining the session and after a few days, we started feeling as are like a virtual family. Gradually, we discussed much more, and slowly we came to know about the different customs and cultures. 

We both were very supportive of each other as I knew she feels comfortable while talking to me. We continued the session as per our requirement and after few months we stopped conducting it. Now I was busy in my schedule and other responsibilities but I used to receive her text asking my goodness. I used to reply once in a week. I can say undoubtedly, she was a beautiful girl with a creative mind and polite behavior. Her attitude towards me was quite close to my nature. Only with the few days of chatting and conversation, I started to feel her as my belonging. 

Neither she nor I spoke anything as both of us were hesitant. We both knew that we like each other. It was our sincerity that stopped us from expressing any feelings. Her kind attitude, her long blonde hair, pink cheeks, long nose with small eyes, drew me to a world of fanciful imagination. I was getting fascinated by her. Now I do not have any communication. I hope is she is fine wherever she is.