The Fat Girl

"Aye Moti (fat girl), Aye Nati (short girl), Aye kali (dark complexion girl)" These are some common nicknames which are actually quite insulting. I used to be a fat and short kid so the people around me pretty much addressed me as Moti or Nati. Some of my close relatives like cousins also called me Jadi which means fat in Gujarati. I used to hate it as it made me feel inferior. Why didn't these people call me Genius or Smart or Artistic? I always did well at school and was great at dance. Wherever I went, I made friends easily. What really defined me - the way I looked or the person I was?

Often people don't realise that calling someone mean nicknames related to their body or skin colour is not only racist but also provokes negative emotions in that person. I tried to ignore these comments but how can one ignore cousins and family? This subtle form of bullying made me so angry. For a long time, I ignored looking at the mirror till I realized that I need to accept myself as I am. So I channelized my anger into making myself better at the things that I enjoyed, the things that were the real me. I joined martial arts, dancing, music and I wrote short stories and poems. My grades were always good. Without any reference, I managed to find a job at places which had a great work atmosphere. The people who called me names continued to do so but my confidence in myself was enough to not let these people get into my mind and hurt me. My husband is a great human being. Ever since I got married, he has loved me for the real me. That is what we must strive for, to be original and creative.

The real me is not the way I look but the way I conduct myself. My qualities, honesty, simplicity make me proud of myself. I may be fat and short but I have a great sense of humor. Sometimes the stress of motherhood upsets my moods yet I do my best every day. So what if I get scared of failures? These fears have taught me to believe in myself. I lost many friends on this journey but I have no regrets because I was honest in my relationships. The scars on my body and the grey hair are proof of the hard work I have done so far. My anger, frustration, and fears are as much a part of me as is my loving self. When I write, the words flow directly from my heart. I am proud of my qualities and my flaws equally. This is me.

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