Soulmates

I still remember my first day in this town. My father was transferred from Kanpur to Guwahati. At the age of 4, I had to leave all the members of my joint family and come here to live with just my mom and dad, at a new home, a new place, and no new friend.

I slightly removed the curtains from my room's window; a few boys played cricket on a lawn in front of my house. All unknown faces, I felt cold. Just then, a ball hit my window, breaking the glass and hitting me on my head. Ahh!!! The pain. 

My mom came upstairs asking me what happened. I showed her the ball. She came near me and tried to calm me down. 

Ding Dong! 

The bell rang, "That must be those kids asking for the ball. I'll go and scold them for this irresponsible behavior," My dad said and walked down the staircase. I don't know why, but I followed him. I saw him yelling at a small boy holding a bat in one hand. The boy was smiling, which made my dad even angrier, and he slammed the door closed without returning the ball of him. As soon as my dad left the drawing-room, I opened the door again; the guy was shamelessly standing there thinking of again pressing the bell; I gestured him to not make any noise, doing that. "Finger on my lip " thing. He nodded in silence.

I then took out his ball that I was hiding behind my back and offered it to him. His eyes started glowing, and he gave a huge smile. He quickly took his ball and turned to leave, but then he turned back. He came closer to me and took out his handkerchief, pressing it against my forehead, I felt pain over my cold forehead, but his cloth felt a bit warm. He then showed me the handkerchief, which had few strains of blood on it. Damn! Is my head bleeding? I didn't realize it. He gave me the cloth and told me to cover my head by keeping his hand on his forehead, again a gesture as we were not supposed to talk. And again, he smiled and mouthed. Thank you, clear enough for me to understand. His broad smile and warm hanky made me smile too. He left after that. That was our first interaction. I never knew what destiny had for us. 

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First day of a new school!

I was holding my mom's hand tightly; I didn't want to go. I was crying heavily. Just then, I saw the same cricket ball boy in school uniform, standing next to me with the same smile. It's been almost a year.

 He extended his hand to me. My mom was smiling too. 

"See, Nanki, he also goes to school. Why don't you too be friends, then you'll not miss me, and you'll have fun," My mom said. 

I agreed and shook hands with the guy. My mom asked him his name, to which he replied - Karan.

That day, Karan and I became friends. It becomes so easy to adjust to a new place when you have someone with you. Karan was that someone for me. He showed me everything about the school. He told me that he had is pre kg and kg in the same school. I had my pre kg in my hometown and no kg since we shifted while the academic year started. But now I joined the school from class 1 onwards. Karan and I had lunch together.

From that day onwards, we became best of friends. Always seen together. Everyone from teachers to students to the other staff of our school knew about our strong bond. We were never seen separated, nor did we needed anybody else. Just the two, so engrossed in each other. Even our families started bonding, and we started celebrating all the festivals together. My entire day would revolve around Karan. Being in school with him, then after returning home, we would meet at our special secret place. Deep in the bay of forest, surrounded by many trees, connected to the lake, we would spend our entire day there, playing board games, sometimes I would bring my colors, sheets and we would do the drawing, write letters to Santa, to stars to god, would make boats and try them in the lake. Sometimes we would collect flowers and play a fighting game with the flowers. Sometimes we would just lie down and do nothing, simply talking. He even made a swing out of a new tire and a rope and tied it on a tree; we would swing on it turn by turn. Years passed like this, and we reached the tenth standard. 10 years of friendship, so beautiful.

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In the class tenth, things started changing for me. Karan entered into a relationship with a fellow classmate. Initially, I was usual with this idea. As far as I had Karan like I always used to have, I would have no problem. The girl's name was Kavya, she was also OK with our friendship since she knew that we were friends since always. But then, things started to change. She would say Karan to sit with him. And I would sit alone; I thought, it looks like it's not a big deal, but sitting alone started to make me feel lonely; I was always sitting with Karan and was not used to this new normal. Then we all three would have lunch together, there also, I started feeling as if they are only people talking, and I would just sit and listen to them, feeling lost. Karan even stopped coming to our secret place as he would be busy with Kavya. Either spending time with her in a coffee shop or talking to her on the landline at his home. I would sit alone at our place, making dark paintings of sunset. 

I started speaking less and again could feel the same coldness like I used to feel when I came the first time to this city, waiting for Karan to give me the warmth of his handkerchief. As I was a total introvert in myself, I couldn't speak u how I was feeling to him. Although I had a habit of talking to him about whatever was on my mind, everything felt different this time. I even started thinking that I used to believe that Karan and I are so enough in ourselves for all those years. We don't need anybody, but that was from my side and not his; as I was an introvert, he was a cheerful extrovert. Maybe I should let him live his life. We have just two years left in this school, then most probably I'll also go to college in some other city. But does that mean that our friendship will end, or is it finished already?

It was the last 11th, and my birthday too, my so-called best friend Karan bought a cake for our secret place and told me to come with him, to celebrate like old times; I felt happy. But I didn't know what's gonna follow. With him came his girlfriend Kavya as well. I cut the cake, and we all talked for a while. But then Karan went to the lake to clean the cake spread across his face, and Kavya went to help him, leaving me alone with my gifts. When they didn't return for about 15 minutes, I went to check on them. Damn it! I entered the wrong time maybe, I saw them kissing. Oh, God! What should I do? Should I return? I turned quickly, but I don't know how Kavya noticed me, and she screamed. 

What? Is it my mistake? Why is she shouting? 

"Oh, God! I feel so embarrassed. This shouldn't have happened, we shouldn't have come here Karan, look I told you, it was a stupid idea. " Kavya was all yelling loudly. 

"Hey, Hey, What happened? " I asked. Although I knew it is awkward for all three of us, is this the way to behave. 

"What happened? Don't you know we are a couple; we are supposed to have privacy; how come you just invade our privacy and react like nothing happened?" She shouted at me.

"Excuse me! This is my birthday, and you guys came here to celebrate with me. I was worried why didn't you both came back, so I came here to check up on you two. I didn't know about your intimacy program, nor was I interested. Also, who the hell kiss their partner knowing that they are at a place with someone else" I said,

"Damn it! Why don't you understand? Yes, it's your birthday, but we were looking for some of our time, just us," she said, teary-eyed.

"Really, then why are you here? I didn't invite any of you. And anyway, you guys spend almost the entire day together, isn't it enough? Anyway, I don't care." I said, "Thanks for ruining my birthday Karan" I added and left. 

After that day, I stopped visiting that place; I felt I didn't own it anymore, I even reduced going to school. 

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About a month after final exams - 

I had finally passed class 12th and was waiting for my results which were expected to come today. As expected, I passed with flying colors and was thinking about applying to a college in Delhi. My family was also in a joyous mood. We were having dinner when my doorbell rang. Mom opened the door, it was Karan and his parents. Karan failed in two subjects. They were sad; they wanted me to tutor Karan for his supplementary exam to pass. At first, I hated the idea but couldn't find any logical reason to refuse. Hence, my politeness ate me. I had to say yes. 

Karan started coming to my place the following day. 

His mom was desperate for him to get past. So she started waking him up early and sending him to my house; just because of this reason, even I had to wake up early, that too in winters. Damn it, Karan!

I started from scratch and told him to follow my notes. We made a standard timetable that involved both the subjects every day. 

"Hey, if you would have given me your notes earlier, I wouldn't have failed in Biology," he said, looking at my quality notes. 

"If your girlfriend would have let me talk to you at least during an exam, you wouldn't have failed in any exam," I taunted. He kept silent for a moment, then we both busted into laughter. "I can never pass without cheating with you," he said, pinching my hair. It felt like older times. But I kept remembering that I have to leave for Delhi even though we are becoming friends again. Our connecting is definitely going to lose. 

Finally, Karan passed Biology and Math, and I got my admission to Xavier's college of Delhi. 

"So, which college are you planning to take?" I asked,

"I am a supplementary student; whichever college is ready to take me, I am gonna go there. We don't have options unlike you, miss Topper," 

He said, bouncing the football; we were again sitting at our secret place, not so secret anymore.

"Then you must be trying to be thinking of getting into a college with Kavya?" I asked, remembering the bitter, lonely times I had to pass to because of him and Kavya. 

"Actually, Kavya and I broke up! " He said.

"What? Why? and When? Why didn't you told me? Are you OK? Where is she?" I exploded with questions; I wasn't expecting this. 

"Hang on! I just had encounters with question papers; please, you don't be one," He said.

"Fine, sorry. But at least tell me the story." 

"OK, listen. After you left that day...On your birthday from here. Kavya started crying. She was saying that she doesn't want to come here, but she came because she was expecting some moments with me. I was confused about where all these moments came in between because, for me, the reason for that short party was that I noticed that you have become silent since Kavya and me...And I knew you'll never say that you have no one and you feel lonely, so I wanted to make things like previous days. But Kavya...Anyway, she was too girly. It took me an entire day to calm her down. Also, after that day, her drama started to increase; she would become anxious, angry, impatient at any time. She would want to talk to me every time, and I was feeling imprisoned, So I tried to talk to her about it, but she thought that's maybe because my exams went bad, and I am trying to blame it on her. Although somewhere her all-time be with my kind of nature was a reason I wasn't able to devote my time to studies, she passed. Anyway, I don't know how girls manage everything. Anyway, coming back to the story, her possessive nature screwed up, and I desperately wanted a breakup. Still, before I could say anything, she broke up with me.

Who wanna be with a loser is what she said. Haha..." 

"Oh..." was all I could say, then there was a pause, 

"So you know I was feeling deserted?" I asked.

"Yea, it was written on your face," he said, rubbing his hands on my cheeks, 

"Does that mean everyone in the school knows about it?" 

"Umm, I don't think so, you managed to smile often, plus anyway, you didn't use to talk to anybody previously as well, so yea, I guess nobody noticed."

"Then how come you noticed?"

"because...Because I know you since you were a child. Hey... we are not best friends just because we make mischiefs together, but we are best friends because we understand each other; you didn't judge me even when I failed, but Kavya did. You helped me even after that episode; nobody else did. " he said. Still providing me the warmth of his hands, Tears rolled down my eyes. 

Karan came close to me, and his lips landed on mine. We kissed. 

After it, I was out of my mind and didn't know how to react, so I immediately left for my home. 

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15 days later, 

I was on my way to leave for Delhi, my bags were packed, and dad was loading them in the vehicle. My eyes were searching for Karan; almost all the people of our society were there except Karan. I asked his mom where he was, to which she replied that he left in the morning don't know where he is. 

What nonsense, can't he just come and bid goodbye to me, even my family is shifting with me, I don't know when I'll return here or will we ever meet. I know that kiss was awkward, and we didn't talk after it, but he could come at least. 

I was seated in the car, almost losing all hopes of meeting him for the last time, when I saw him standing near the cliff. He was there looking at everything, yet he didn't come. I pressed my hand on the window of my car, he smiled a bit. Tears were clearly visible in his eyes. 

Damn! I'll miss you, best friend. 

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Ten years afterward. 

I had completed my graduation and Post-graduation. And was happily working in an MNC for 4years, my parents were asking for marriage, and they even tried to make me meet guys. Almost every day, a different comes to our house to meet me with his parents. I feel tired and suffocating in this house these days. That's when I decided to move to my own new house. 

"What? Do you want to live somewhere else in the same city? What sense does it make?" were my mom's first words. 

"Mom, it's about Independence and choices. I don't want to meet a new man every day; getting into a marriage is not my goal," I told her.

"Then what do you want? You already have a good job; next should be marriage," Dad added.

"I don't know, And having a salaried job doesn't mean that I don't want to work to achieve more. Please let me figure out in alone," I said, and that was the last day there. I shifted to a new apartment in a different locality. My excitement was on the verge; this is my own home, a place where I can be myself Like I used to be with Karan at our secret place. 

An Idea strikes my mind. I'll decorate a room just like our secret place. All green interior with plants inside, little boats, and stars everywhere. But who'll live in this room? I am not up for a roommate; I want this place to be all mine. Maybe, I can call it Karan's room. But he's not here. I've lost all contact with him. I didn't remember his landline number; our generation never had private cell phones. Ahh! I wish I could contact him, show him this, talk to him about how I feel these days.

Karan...

Days passed, I started feeling more lonely than ever. I even tried visiting some psychologists. Nothing works; I feel my life is monotonous, has no goals, has nobody to love, and has nothing to get hurt. Mom and dad have started to contact lesser and lesser with me. I feel dry and indifferent as if I am empty. I feel nothing, blank...

I was sitting at my office when an advertisement in the newspaper caught my attention. It was about some writer who wants his works to be published and calls for interested publishers. The name was - Karan "Nanak." 

Is it my Karan? My? But it doesn't address Guwahati, and Who is Nanak? 

I don't know why I still dialed the number on the post. 

"Hello, SIP consultancy services. This is Rita Malik," I heard from the other side. Oh Shit! This is the number of some consultancy companies.

"Hello, This is Advika Gaur, from Enclave Finance Company. I saw your advertisement in today's newspaper, about a writer "Karan." I want to inquire about him." I said.

"Sure, ma'am. Are you a publisher, or do you know a publisher.?" 

Damn!

"I am planning to step into publishing, and I am looking for talented writers" Shit! A lie.

"Sure, ma'am, Please verify your number, and we'll send you the contact details of the writer."

"Thanks," I said and spelled my number again to verify it for her.

"Thank you, ma'am. Our company provides consultancy services at larger and smaller level - " That lady said, but I cut her words,

"I am busy right now; if you could urgently send me the contact details, I'll talk to you later about SIP," I said in a hurry.

Within 15 minutes, I had the contact details of Karan. Now it is addressed to Guwahati. But what if it is not that Karan? What if he doesn't want to talk to me? What if he has forgotten me? What if he expects a call from a publisher, and I started annoying him for no reason? 

I dialed.

"Hello, Karan, this side" Hash! A familiar voice, but a little deep. 

"Karan, Its Nanki!" 

"Nanki ?"

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It's been 7 months, Karan has shifted with me, and I am seeing lesser and lesser of my therapist. I think I have my very own therapist right next to my room...Karan.

He remembered my voice-over call just at once but never expected me to call after many years. He didn't mention the kiss but said sorry for not saying goodbye to me when I left. I guess it was good; I don't want a goodbye from him, I never want it. He's always welcome in my life. 

He has started interning with some publishing companies. He wants to work for some New Yorker magazine; I hope he gets his dream done right. But then he'll have to leave me. I know I can't keep him to me always; one day, he'll want to have his own family, and then he'll leave my house. But for now, I don't want to think or overthink all this. I know I am enjoying myself with him. Yes, I like being with him, and No, we aren't dating.

Today Karan is pitching me to go on a date with some guy from a dating application, he and his hopeless romanticism. I don't like dates, but I'm still going. Huh! Karan! Things you do to keep your best friend's ass shut!

I met Mr. Nair, my date. He's a nice man. Sweet and down to earth, a complete Navy man. I don't know whether we actually have a connection, or it's just Karan putting stuff in my head. 

It's been 3 weeks for Mr. Nair...No Ajith and me, Yes, his name is Ajith Nair, have been dating. Today Ajith tried to kiss me, but I couldn't. I know it sounds so stupid coming from 29 years old, but I never kissed Karan anyone post. He was my first and last kiss. He laughed out loud when I told him this. 

"Nanki...We were just kids; that kiss meant nothing!" Karan said,

"It doesn't...I thought it did."

"Yes, it did at that time, but dude, 11 years have passed; you can't be childish now, Nanki." 

"But..."

"No buts Nanki...You're going to take a step ahead. Come on" 

Needless to say, after 2 years, I married Ajith, and the next day of our wedding, Karan left for New York.

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8 years later

I feel lonely again. Ajith and I had a divorce; I think we were never made for each other. He is a nice man, but I think I can't cope with his work; my daughter and I can't live like this. We'll be better off divorced with him rather than fighting with him over every other thing. 

"Listen, Nan...Whenever you feel alone, just come to me. I'm right here, always for you," Karan said overcall. The only relation I've managed so far is with Karan's and my daughter Celina. Karan was still there when my dad passed away. Mom is going to disown me now.

"Nanki, I'm telling you this is a really stupid idea. Divorce at this age...That too, just for some fights."

"Some fights that have become a routine mom."

"Ajith said you're unreasonable about his work; you need to adjust with him sweetie, it's been 8 years of your marriage; when will you learn."

"Yes, mom, maybe I'm not able to adjust. I want to love and care for my child and me; I want a father for my child and a husband for me. Not just a provider. I do respect his patriotic feelings, but I think he deserves a wife who truly supports him, and I deserve a person who is with me."

"And you think you'll get love after divorce. Who'll marry a 40-year-old divorcee, ridiculous."

"Marriage is not a bar for love, mom. Now I'm free to live my life the way I want. I can still explore love at this age."

"And what about Celina? think about that little 6-year-old child."

"At least she has her mother's support; I never had it, mom."

I said and hanged up; the next thing I knew, I'm gonna go and live with Karan. 

Surely it was a huge transition, and it took months for shifting and will take years to adjust. For starters doing the formalities of shifting to my company's New York branch was a big deal, but this was just the beginning. Initially, I lived with Karan and his wife, Urvashi. Karan helped me get settled in the job and get a good school for Celina and all. Urvashi was a little skeptical of me, but soon she also realized our bond, and now we three are a team. Now their son Krish is also a part of my family. I love him as much as I love Celina. Looking at Krish and Celina reminds me of Karan and Nanki :)

But happiness doesn't always stay. I went to India because my mom passed away; although I had lost contact with her, I still feel sad remembering all the good times. I wish I had met her before she died. I wish I hadn't talked to her the way I did when I talked to her last time. I wish we had a bond like actual mother and daughter. I wish...just wished...for mom to have a peaceful afterlife. I had a mother who is gone now; this fact makes me sad. 

Karan is also very sad; my mom had a bond with him. He used to talk to her daily. He loved her like his own mom. But that's not the only bad story; Urvashi has been detected for cancer, life feels changed. 

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4 years later

It's been 2 years that Urvashi has passed away, Karan still misses her. He's a true epitome of love. Sometimes I see him talking to Urvashi's picture. But he says he has accepted the fate that not everyone we meet is supposed to be with us forever; he's happy in his life. He has Urvashi's memories and their son as her symbol. Our kids are growing together. And we all spend most weekends together.

My life appears incomplete, a single mother handling everything. But it is not, I have Karan, and I don't want anything else. I am complete with him. We don't need a marriage to be with each other; we love each other unconditionally and are there for each other; that's what soulmates do. They are with each other, without any legal relation...unconditionally.

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12 years later

Celina and Krish are going to marry today. I can't help my tears; Karan sits next to me as Celina and Krish vow to be lawful partners. I know they'll have an amazing union ahead. I'm glad Celina got a romantic lover and doesn't have a life like her mom, always looking for love while it was right next to her in the form of her best friend. I am glad they could have a romantic relationship. But I still feel my relationship with Karan is equally honest and fulfilling. 

They left for their honeymoon, as Karan and I sit in his backyard having tea.

"I've seen it all, Nanki, nothing lasts, parents, partners, jobs, kids, spouses, nothing...But you and me. It's forever. No relation, No tag, in the end, it's just us," Karan said.

"We're soulmates, buddy," I added.

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