Serene Lies In You

◾Only If You Know That 'Serene Lies In You'◾

He was not sexy like what princesses dream for. He was beyond that, just 6 inches taller than me.

I remember how at the peak of January's winter he used to wrap himself up with those heavy jackets and a pair of faded jeans alternatively. He sometimes preferred hoodies in which he used to look completely different from his group. He had the charm to turn any girl's world upside down in the blink of an eye. That sharp nose and those white cheeks used to make me steal glimpses of him repeatedly because I guessed his cheek cells consumed some strawberry juices and it seemed like he was blushing with his alpenglow. Perhaps it still continues to glow…

I was nothing like an Einstein or a brainy one. But people used to find me one as if their brains used to play ping-pong ball with the two sides of their thoughts, one which assumed me Einstein and the other took me as Shakespear for my brilliant literary skills. They sniffed a scholar's perfume from my body odour. And, their assumption was celebrated as correct until I stepped into the 11th standard. It was the point when one needs to carefully be attentive to their studies, even be a bookworm instead, and a juncture to fly and feel the ecstasy of falling in love. It wasn't that some thought tickling conversations didn't make my cheeks blush, but it was my dedication towards books that never let me hop in the world of teenage fantasies. Sixteen is the age of having burning desires to endeavor love, and to engrave it in our soul as an emblem of tasting fruit of forbiddance.

He used to come over to the class as early as possible. Though at first, I mistook it thinking his regularity for being a newcomer, but it was something else. He was habituated to open up a book but it was clear from his facial expression that he had no urge to read them. His lips curled up sometimes for he used to chew them unintentionally. He must have secured something special in him which forced me to long for him more, even though I turned into a shameless observer of him. During classes, his untempted face was forced to throw a fake concentration due to the strict rules of attendance. Meanwhile, he managed to stare the faded walls of a classroom, cracked ceiling, the slowest moving fans and of course his cheek used to wake up through a slight smile knowing a stupid like me staring at him. Somewhere between his blank stares on abstract things in the class and my glimpses of him, our eyes met at the same time and got fixed on each other one day. And, the story got a kickstart from here.

I was slowly drifting myself away from the facts happening around me and heading into the deep thoughts of him, his innocent face, alluring cheeks, lips biting, and that fixed eyes of course. This feeling slowly engulfed me and pushed me to a new world when I was slightly driven away from all the people I grew up around, family, friends, teachers, homework, appreciation, excellent scores, head-crushing physics assignments; in a word everybody and everything. If I ever had to describe a peculiar joy, I would always suggest and happily elaborate this exact moment. The feeling of purity, innocence, gaze-stealing and moreover the feeling that was far beyond familiar.

I still can recall the moments visualized in front of my eyes. I still enjoy the perfume of the happiness I floated on 8th March 2012. Tiffin breaks used to be funny periods on those days. I was with my friend, Anisha. Anisha was simply a cheerful, jolly girl, who could go crazy around short and simple things and was extremely talkative to positively turn your mood on. "Do you mind if I simply snatch the book from your hands as our tasty tiffins are getting bored in the lunch box beside us?" She mischievously purred giving a look of grievance to me. I had no intention to keep aside the notebook as my assignment wasn't completed, so instead, I said, "Take yours, dear. I am busy with the bloody physics numerical." She was in no mood to leave me like that, so I kept tugging herself with me and forcefully tucked a dollop of rolled paratha stuffed with aloo sabzi in my mouth. I gave her a disturbed look and she no sooner gave a "wicked bestie" look. After enjoying all our parathas together, I was in a hurry to come back to my classroom to put that box in my bag. Anisha waiting outside said before my departure, "Come back soon darling, have my spicy gossip to serve!" and smirked at me. I kept the lunch box in my bag and my eyes roaming here and there, got stuck suddenly on a corner of the last row where he was busy nurturing a book, seemingly not from our regular text books. Gazing someone for a long time can lead you to the peak of your urge to have a conversation with that person nonetheless the fact that you want to prevent the ensuing disaster.

Somehow between fantasizing my thoughts or living in the dreams of him and putting the best efforts to stop myself from melting in the conversation with him, I chose the bravest path of my life till then and walked straight towards him. Sweaty palms, nervous faces and palpitations were all I had with me then. I went to him. Unaware and undisturbed by my presence, he uninterruptedly went through the pages, diving into the words as if he was exploring the deepest meaning of every single sentence. His eyes sparkled a bit more with every page he was wandering through, almost like a new globetrotter. Clock reminded me that the survival of this break was only 15minutes. After a minute or two, experiencing all his unwillingness, I pierced the cover of the silence to make him conscious about my presence saying, "Hey!"

His disinterested face managed to put the shortest smile with his curled lips and he replied, " Hey, Sneha."

A mild breeze floated through my mind just after hearing my name from him. I could have fainted from the excessive rush of adrenaline or just stumbled upon him because of this beautiful surprise. He knew my name, wow! But in reality, I tried my best to pretend and answered back smartly, "And you know my name? How did you manage, huh?". A tricky smile hung from my lips. I skillfully balanced the situation and threw the 2nd question intentionally to draw his attention to me from the bloody red-covered book.

He rolled his down lip peculiarly whether for an utter surprise or out of disgust, I still am clueless. He replied, putting his first two fingers on his lips, " Perhaps you forgot your position. You stand first with this little brain?! It's either my wrong assumption or simply your brainlessness." A sharp chuckle from his end and my temple was red with anger. His smile that could have melted my heart, lit up the fire of my frozen inferno and blown my mind away in a flicker of eyes were supposedly going to be failed this time as my mind was consciously stuck in the 'brainlessness' thing and I had to strictly handle him, "Brainlessness leads me to the top of my class since childhood. I better follow this quality and why don't you follow this trend too?!" I smirked.

After a short pause, he nodded his head, his face as if still wasn't ready to be submissive before me, and widening his hand on the table, he replied, "So miss brainy, what is the emergency to come here, come to me? How can I help you, please explain?" His expressions clearly showed that he was claiming one thing and his inner critic was judging my depth of knowledge, my capacity. I got slightly over conscious, tracing for the way to conceal my nervousness. I make a pretence of being unknown yet masterfully clutched the red book from his grasp by saying with my soft and husky voice, "Tell me what is bothering you to read it again and again despite such beautiful interruption like me!"

Shit! What I just did now! Did I really present myself with the compliment 'beautiful' before him?? Oh God, this is going to be horrible. I managed to put a foolish smile looking at him and was just going to open the book but a sudden hindrance stopped me. He promptly snatched the book back and made a face as if he got a heave of relief reimbursing the book and triumphed over a devil like me who stole the hidden treasure from him. He threw a curvy naughty smile and answered, " Did you just say beautiful, who, you? Hahaha..what a joke!" And, he added more, "And, this is not your thing, girl. Learn some manners before taking someone's personal stuff. You may have the guts to stand 1st but it's a pity to see your lack of manners after securing a respectful grade."

This was something I wasn't even expecting in my nightmare. It absolutely thwarted my mind, collapsed my senses and placed an utmost slap to my earned position. I never had expected to earn such an insult for doing no offense or no harm. A moment of my disgrace, and I was more than angry after this. I left the place just then. I could hear a "Hey, listen. I didn't intend to…" from behind but I didn't stop my footsteps going towards my bench. I could hardly resist my heated mind and there was Anisha, disturbed and a little angry for my not showing up timely to her, pushed me a little saying, "Where did you die, bitch? Were you somewhat day-dreaming in the classroom? I thought of sharing some spicy talk with you and you didn't show up. Just a big 'wow' to you and I shall personally send the reward of 'betraying the best friend' title in your home." I tried to calm her down and thought of telling all the shits I face just a moment ago to lighten up my burden of bad mood. But then I didn't. Probably she would tease me taking the name of that bloody snobbish. And, I couldn't get that to happen, at least after today's incident.

We attended the rest of the classes with our faded face and I didn't try to look at him at least. Was this the declaration of a graveyard of my growing attention or, an acceleration towards catching the peak to start my inhibited love? I had to wait to know more…

I was lying in the middle of my bed stretching my arms both sides with an indifferent face seeking for a kick to peel off its pain. I was wrapped with a thick blanket by my over-caring mother, Mrs. Sumita Chatterjee. She always had the habit of being over-possessive towards me as if I was standing at the highest edge of a mountain peak where my life was swinging like a sharp needle that can slip off anytime. I was heavily sick and highly feverish for which I was sweating continuously for a temperature fall. I was just going to pull off my body and struggling to erect my backbone so that I can lean my back against the bed when my mother succumbed to my room to have a look at me. She got a shock to see my self-struggle for sitting.

She rushed to me, helped me getting straightly seated, and angrily expressed, "I told you many time not to do such stupid things until you improve a little. You should've called me as I was in the kitchen. What shall I do if something happens with your wrecked health?"

I made an annoying face for her over-reaction. I was literally done with such an excessive look after. I answered, "Maa, I shall be fine. Don't always overreact sweet lady!" I tapped her adorable cheeks with a soft pull.

It seemed my affection wasn't able to shield her growing worry for me. She started being emotional saying, "Mini, it's not an overreaction. You know after your father's death, I am all alone. Trying to gather my courage to bring you up as best as I can afford. Nothing is left without you, my child. What shall I do if something wrong happens to you all of a sudden. I shall probably…"

I placed my fingers on her mouth and nodded not to say something cursing like the way she was going to. She was crying profusely and those tears simply meant to me. I knew her care, affection and dedication were the most truthful things God has ever gifted me till now. My father, Mr. Sushanta Chatterjee passed away 2years ago after having a massive heart attack. He left us alone in this bereft world. I still could sniff his fatherly perfume while thinking his uttered words.

I'd learnt the most expensive lessons of life from his guidance. I involuntarily walked back towards the passage of time where my little fingers used to clutch his fingers, my wounded knees complained about his nursing, my urge of having ice-creams and chocolates were easily be fulfilled by him on a summer evening, our togetherness enjoyed a pleasant breeze in an overwhelmed morning, and my sleep was provoked after the recitations of each new stories by him every night.

I was made up of a mixture of his virtues and kindness. I missed him more than anything, I counted our distance seemingly more than a galaxy year and his one thought only painted tears to my eyes. I felt a heart-wrenching pain through my chest, my head was lined up with hollow thoughts. I no longer held my agony against my strong torso. I cried for a while and lost my balance. I slept for some hours and I had no idea about it. It seemed as if I consumed some sleeping pills for a sound sleep.

I opened my eyes with a semi-intention of waking up and saw my mother sitting beside me with a plate full of parathas and my favourite egg curry. I was in a light appetite for some days and it seemed like today was a cheat day for me. Food was super delicious. She was feeding me and that was no less than a seraphic experience. A satisfied smile hung from her face. Meanwhile, I asked her about my sudden sleep and my mother answered that I had fallen asleep for three hours. She was busy cooking parathas in the kitchen downstairs. I noticed her everyuth captivating eyes and found them that much prettier when my father was alive. She has such lustrous long hair which she kept making a round bun. Her thin tufts used to swipe her face sometimes. She used to wear sarees like all Bengali married women, and her patience and tolerance level were the things to be noticed.

Suddenly the thought of my school caught me and I got tensed of my attendance. I was absent for more than a week and it was going to affect my studies severely.

Besides, I was extremely scared to tell my mother to let me carry on my schooling but I refrained from doing so. Because I knew I would get a big 'No' from her even if I brought the matter to her ears.

Suddenly I came to notice a loud shriek of my mother calling, "Mini, it's already 2:35 p.m. Go, finish your bath now." And I followed her words.

Meanwhile my phone rang 4 times with Anisha's calls. And I missed them. Exiting the bathroom, I noticed that and called her as soon as possible.

"Hello my missing babe, how are you? I am missing you like hell. It's getting boring to attend dull botany classes of Ms. Gupta. Come soon nah! I can't bear it anymore," comes a persuasive and soft voice from the other end of the phone.

"I miss you too, my sweety. Lying on bed, eating light apetite, and doing nothing aren't working for me too. I am waiting to go straight towards the school and hug you tight. Anyway Anisha, can you help me out? Please send me the notes of these days on line. I shall straight message you after recharging my data pack," I purred from my end.

"Sure, everything for you darling. Anyway happy sunday, I shall call you later. Till then, take care of yourself and don't be cheap by eating aunty's delicious handmade food. Come straight with your lunch box in school soon. Bye, love you" Anisha laughed.

I laughed and said , "Sure, bye. Love you too."

We both hung up the phone.

After an hour I went out to the neighbour's shop to refill my data pack with my mom's permission.

In the evening, when I was enjoying the hot tea and my favorite biscuits, I saw Anisha sending the class notes of physics, chemistry and biology on line. Whatsapp was still not that popular these days like now. I checked at least 44 photos sent for her and were in process to get downloaded. I just sighed. I didn't want it to be heavier but there was no escape from the pressure of being a fellow from a science background.

Two days passed in a blink of my eyes. I was now quite better and all set to join school again. With a fresh mood, fresh start and fresh enthusiasm. It was Thursday and my mother waved goodbye to me when I left for school. I made sure all my notebooks were with me.

While stepping towards my classroom, a thought passed through my mind. It ruined my mood as it was of him. His thoughts were tricky like his charms. The way his charm blew my mind away was the way his humiliation filled my mind with utter disgust and gloom. I was on the verge to avoid him. I still don't know if it was my hatred for him or else my hidden extreme attraction residing just between the outline of hate and anger. It was me who wanted to adore him with all her being and now was fighting with my desire to do so. He seemed like an unsolved mystery to me whom I desperately wanted to discover but the wall he created that day was pushing me away from him.

Such thoughts prevented me from going inside the class, and I came back to my senses. Now, I didn't even care to look for him.

Anisha came running towards and choked my breath with a tight hug without letting me utter a single word. I was so happy to get back to her that I couldn't explain. We sat at our respective seats and continued the chitchats. The day was extremely hot and I fanned my cheek beneath the scorching heat. There was Anisha who was so swelled with happiness to have me around that she forgot everything. She was busy chirping all her aloofness, gloomy experiences in my absence. I felt a peculiar urge to turn my head towards the other row of benches in my class but didn't allow myself to attempt such a horrendous act. My eyes might have got caught in his eyes. And I very much wanted to avoid this.

In the tiffin break, I was busy flipping the pages of Anisha's notebooks to get a clear view and understanding of the numericals of physics in the corridor outside the class. I finished my tiffin early and Anisha got to do some other work in the principal's cabin leaving me with her notes.

Suddenly I felt someone coming towards me as I heard the footsteps nearing. I could feel the familiarity of that so I didn't react at that very moment. Finally it was behind me and I still didn't turn around.

"Hello Sneha, may we talk?" asked the person standing behind me.

And with that approaching voice, I understood who it was. It was none other than him. The one who set my heart in a blaze of love and I still don't want to recover myself from its shield.

I didn't answer then. He again proceeded, "Sneha, may we talk? I mean I really have some stuff to clear out to you."

After a short pause, I turned around, pretending to be damn casual even if I could feel my heart pounding harder against my chest. I said, "Yes Say."

He started and continued without any break, "Actually I wanted to apologize to you for that day. I behaved stupid, rude and illogical. I am really ashamed of my attitude. Also, I got to know you were very ill for a few days, so my guilt increased. I couldn't wait to confess before you. And today I got to see you in class and came here straight to do that. Hope I shall be forgiven." Making an innocent face, he stopped.

I could have melted with such a cute gesture of him but no, I had to be strong and I stood making a casual face against his cute apology.

I became hard and said, "Why should I forgive you? I didn't even know you properly and yet you became harsh on me with your words. Please don't disturb me. I am busy. Oil your own machine now!"

I didn't intend to say such. Yet I did. I was clueless from head to toe what had caught me then. I became mad at him that way.

He seemed not to surrender and continued, "That's what I am doing, Sneha. I am confessing. And I won't go anywhere until you grant me your pardon. Please forgive me!"

I didn't let go of it easily as I was extremely happy inside to see him like this infront of me. I said, "Only in one condition. And that is, you have to promise that you will never get harsh like that day. Can you promise?" I threw a question to him.

He seemed glad and promptly answered, "Yes Madam. And one more thing, may we get to know each other more as friends? Huuuh?"

I thought a little because it was confusing this day as the sun might have risen from the west. The one who I desperately wanted to know more, was offering me his friendship. I was on cloud nine then.

I gave a tiny smile and said, "Okay. We can." I kept my answer short and simple.

I could also witness his smile then. He made a gesture of high five and pressed his hands against mine. It was kind of a dream I was living then. We walked through the corridors and our story began…

Days started passing like golden sands in a sandwatch. Our friendship started flourishing. Aniruddha started hanging out more with me. In the classroom we started sitting together, sharing our thoughts, revealing our likes and dislikes, spending time in tiffin breaks, gossiping and what not. People started noticing our duo slowly as we stayed glued to each other. Even Anisha one day stated about our togetherness and made a gloomy face in between us, " Yaar, I knew you two belonged to opposite poles and envied each other. And now, it seems you guys have no place left for others. Please Aniruddha, leave my buddy at least for a minute. I beg you!"

I pinched her and whispered with a disgust, "Please stop. Have you lost your mind? What are you blabbering, you mad?"

Both Anisha and Aniruddha started laughing. Aniruddha couldn't help himself laugh after hearing Anisha's words. And Anisha laughed seeing my restlessness.

Aniruddha said, "Your friend is still yours. Go and catch her. I thought of having a little share of her. She has a charming aura. Nobody can deny that."

Anisha smirked at me and made a peculiar sound like , "Ohhho, Aniruddha babu says you are charming. This is so cute. I guess I have missed a really exciting part of you guys. What's cooking here behind my back, Snehu?"

I made an annoying face and Aniruddha answered trickily, "Nothing lady. Your friend has great knowledge and I admire that," and gave a pleasant smile.

Anisha also seemed in a hurry. She said, "Okay guys, you both carry on. I have to go. Will catch you guys later. Till then, save the spicy stories for me. Bye."

She waved goodbye and I was still in question about what caught her busy right then. I dwelled in thoughts when Aniruddha broke the silence with a clap.

I gained my senses and he started, "Ahhmmm ahhhmmm.. what got you in thoughts, mam? No handsome man crossed the corridor I guess, or else did I miss him?" and chuckled.

I stared at him straight and said, "Oh please! Now don't start. I am not running behind any man here now. Thought what would have happened to Anisha that she left suddenly."

He answered, "Arrey, don't worry. Maybe she got some urgent work that she had to leave. She will join us, " and gave a soothing smile that brought back peace to me. The bell rang which signified that the tiffin break had ended right then.

I promptly suggested, "Let's go back to the class. Today we have an important chemistry lecture and also have the previous projects to submit. Hurry up!"

He made a mundane interestless face. With no intention to break this gossip session he exclaimed disturbed, " Again, that boring chemistry. Okay, let's go."

Six months crossed in a flicker of eyes like river flows. Everything was getting better and beautiful day by day in the presence of Aniruddha. I slowly got addicted to his irresistible charms and got to know many things about him. He felt like a gust of fresh air to my heart, a positivity that enlightened my day. I witnessed myself slowly getting arrested towards his benevolence.

Exams were approaching as we had only 3 weeks left now. All the projects and practical notebooks were to be submitted under the deadline as we had our practical exams first. Hectic schedules started from the first week of February. And, couples were flying high as valentines' week was also approaching as if the spring came complicated that year. I had to prepare my studies and Aniruddha too was busy for a few days as he didn"t show up to school. I was tense as he didn't come online for 2-3 days and didn't even receive the calls.

I couldn't concentrate with my studies also until and unless Aniruddha showed up. It was the 8th february, 2013. It was a normal day until I went to school. Something happened that both changed my life and worked like a miracle.

Everyone was busy with our physics practical. We had to practice best to score good on exams. I appeared in the practical room and suddenly my eyes got stuck on Aniruddha who was already busy with the practicals on the chapter on sound. He was trying to measure the frequency and didn't even care to turn around and look up towards me. Now I had to intentionally make him feel my presence. I was disturbed and was in no intention to shift my attention from Aniruddha to Mr. Ayush Sinha, who was in charge of our physics lab. I stood behind him. He still left me unnoticed and kept on doing his work and putting the measurements on a graph paper. My face was burning red in rage.

"What the hell happened to him!!" shrieked my mind.

I went back to my place from him and started doing the practicals. I was also busy with the measuring part, when I saw him calling Shalini, Koustav, Anisha and Akash for some reasons. They all appeared to him soon. All my attention which came after a hardship was resurrected by him when I saw them whispering in a hushed voice. I didn't understand if they were going against me. I was being sceptical and my mental state was in a horrendous position right then.

"Even my bestie has joined their conspiracy?", such thoughts clicked my mind. "No, no, it can't happen. I am overthinking now. I have to stop this!" I blabbered.

I was just getting out of this series of peculiar thoughts, then I saw these five were heading towards the practical in-charge, submitted their belongings and got out of the room. Suddenly a message popped up on my phone. "Complete your work, and come straight towards the opposite building, and reach to the room behind our library. Don't get late. It's AN EMERGENCY!", my adrenaline caught its flow when I got such a thrilling message from Anisha.

My mind reverberated three words only, " What has happened?"

With a convulsed face, I submitted my notebook of physics and left the practical room in a hurry. As my footsteps were nearing towards the room, I could feel my heart pounding louder accompanied by my tensed face, numb hands and dry throat. I prayed to God not to push me in a macabre situation. I reached to the door of the room and as it was slightly closed, I pushed it. After that, the scene I visualized was life changing.

Aniruddha was sitting on his one knee with a bunch of tantalizing red roses in his hands and the other four was standing with different placards showcasing "I - L-O-V-E- Y-O-U" in bold letters.

Stunned, absolutely out of the world was my situation. I kept my mouth covered with both of the hands to prevent my awe. I had never expected something beautiful. Besides, cherry on the top was Aniruddha's proposal holding my hands, "I wanted to say you something for so many days but never got the perfect moment and a perfect chance to tell you. So today when I am here, on my knees, I want to keep this proposal to you that would to like to be this stupid fellow's princess for ever?"

I couldn't say a single word then. They had already wrapped me awestruck with their actions and now this sweetest proposal with the sudden shower of rose petals on me and Aniruddha blew my mind away . I couldn't collect any words to complement such a dreamy arrangement and He appeared so mesmerizingly opposite me that I forgot everything in seconds. I just wrapped myself around him promptly when he was just inches away from me. With the comfort of his coziness I said with a hushed voice I answered, "YES!". The other four, Akash, Anisha, Shalini and Koustav filled the ground with rounds of applause and several appreciations. Aniruddha, me and everyone were all smiles.

Suddenly he took out a small gift box from his pocket and from it he took out a beautiful ring and made me wear that in the ring finger. I stood smitten and showered with ultimate glee as I had always wanted him to be by my side, to hold my hand from the first day and all the dreams were flashing back in reality now. I couldn't thank God anymore.

…………………………………………….

I just prevented my thoughts from bouncing back to break my ribs off repeatedly with repentance. Eight long years have passed. It was 23rd of February 2020. Still, I get those goosebumps on my skin from time to time. Mornings in Darjeeling at the peak of December are chilling as hell.

I don't know where he resides now, what he does now and how he manages.

"Sneha, just complete your dinner. We have to leave, to cover the protest arranged by Gorkha Janmukti Morcha on Hilcard Road, " addressed Asutosh. He is a casual guy with all his adorations for the camera. He works with me as a camera person.

I was shocked by his address now. I gained my senses and managed to reply " Hmm, wait for 15minitues."

I forget to tell that I work as a journalist for a famous news channel and I am recently appointed in the work to cover all the protests circulating on the issues of Darjeeling's expression as a separate state.

I wore the glasses kept on the upper desk in front of the lamp. I was now ready in a newly bought shirt, skin fitted trousers and a posh blazer. I wore my lucky hand watch which was of my father and given to me by my mother. I never miss wearing it on special days in my life.

I finished my breakfast as soon as possible. I took my boom and called Asutosh to pick all his stuff and left our hotel rooms.

As soon as we reached the spot, we saw the protestors were furiously shouting and burning some posters and things to showcase their utmost hatred against the ruling party of West Bengal who was in opposition to this issue. We covered everything and interviewed the head of the GJM Party, Mr. Vikrant Gorkha. He cleared his throat by saying that after 15 days of hunger strike, they were still rigid in their opinion and won't get a little delicate until they get an amendment of separate state issued by state and central government.

After a long hectic day, with the vacant ground of Road, both of us reached our respective hotel.

"Have you seen the josh of Mr. Gorkha? He doesn't seem like he is in his mid sixties. The way he replies is a real head-turner." says astonished Asutosh while keeping his cameras aside. I was lost in some other thoughts when he intentionally shook me for not reverting back to his words. He continued, " Arrey Snehu, what happened to you? You seem lost today."

I rapidly managed my inattentiveness and replied, "No, no, nothing. When has our boss given the time to submit articles on this issue? I forgot somehow, " and kept my fingers on my creased forehead.

Asutosh understood my absent-mind. He promptly said, "By 6 p.m sharp. I understand that you're not in the mood to talk. Let's catch you later, buddy." And he left my room.

I wanted Asutosh to leave because I truly was devastated as I didn't know why I was getting his thoughts today again and again. It was preoccupying my brain. I completed noting down all the important stuff for today's article feature and mailed to Asutosh. I was not in myself, with a half-lost and half-found mental state, I told him in the mail body to cross-check my article. My confidence in my work remains cent percent but today was an exception.

I sat on the arm-chair placed beside the bed of my room and opened the hidden gallery of my phone. Even my password had the name of Aniruddha. I opened it after a very long time.

I went through the pictures of our college life when we cracked our admission on St. Xaviers' College in Kolkata, renowned with posh background and reputed as one of the most educationally lavish institutes in the city. My thoughts caught the track of the past with the invitations of the clicks.

Everything was in its perfect shape back then. It was the year of 2014. Aniruddha and I were the happy couple tiptoeing into our college life. I always aspired to be a media personality, so after boards I chose the track of Mass Media & Mass Communication. Aniruddha had no interest in academic career despite having excellent marks of 93% in boards. He simply took Major in Biochemistry.

What I noticed strange in him was his increasing fondness for joining politics these days. I have heard a lot of his visions on communism and his aspiration on becoming a part of it for the last two years of our togetherness. The book which created a brawl between us and yet helped us make a bond was nothing no other than the famous book "THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO" ,written by Friedrich Engels and Karl Marx, the very own pioneers of communism in the whole world. He let me know about a lot of things about communist idealism. He himself was a big fan of it that he couldn't think his life separated from it.

Though I took no interest in politics or political ideology from the very beginning but never put my disinterest in front of him. Well, he could figure it out but my support for him never decreased. But I never wanted him to waste his precious time indulging in politics rather than in studies. And, he had to oppose me by choosing politics over everything else.

Day after day he was changing, spent a very little time with me, started bunking lectures and gathering posters of SUCI. I was ridiculed with his absence whenever I needed in college.

College life started fading and getting voidy as he stayed most of the time outside.

I called him, sometimes he used to pick up and sometimes he didn't. Our distance started widening. Eight months crossed in a flicker of our eyes. It was a very difficult time for both of us as we were losing verbal as well as mental communication from each other. He was now actively working with SUCI, joining their marches, workshops, reaching their discussion table and doing everything which could lead him to be the future leader of the party.

After the 2nd semester ended, I called him out of frustration.

"Aniruddha, as you've got time to pick my call, I want to tell you that we need to meet today asap. I have to share something very necessary", my voice had firmness.

He replied with a casual tone, " Okay dear, let's meet at the Friends Cafe in Garia at sharp 3 p.m."

I left a long breath out and answered, "Fine. I shall be there by that time. Please take care of your time. Bye."

It was 8th July, 2015. Scorching summer was taunting more with the fireball of sun. Weather made my frustration grow a bit more and I reached the place an hour before. I was waiting on a corner table as other tables were mostly occupied by the couple on Sunday, busy chit-chatting to their heart's content. And, here I was, blazing in rage.

Finally I saw him entering through the door of the cafe, wearing a leader type punjabi with jeans. He looked drastically different than he looked before. His beard unshaped, eyes covered with spectacles and hair messy as if it needed nourishment instantly.

He came and sat opposite to me.

He smiled and said, "You look pretty, my angel. Let's order something."

I got strict and sceptical, " We are here to talk about the issues. What has happened to you yaar?"

He made a face that he had fallen from the sky and asked , "What are you talking about, Sneha? I couldn't make head and tell you anything. Please clear your doubts and mine too."

I got furious more and said, "The way you are behaving since months like not attending lectures, picking up my calls, taking the news of my whereabouts and well beings and slowly entering to the world of dirty riots, insensitivity and utmost abyss!"

"Please listen to me. I know I've made mistakes but I had reasons. Let me clarify.." he seemed disturbed while saying.

"Nothing left to be clarified now. You have been a careless fellow after joining this crappy party things that you missed your exams too. I can't bear anymore." I shouted.

"Enough is enough. Since I've entered here, you are constantly blaming me without letting me utter a single word. What caught you Sneha, you have become so drastically rude." He made a statement shrieking in frustration.

"You can't talk to me like this. See, how changed you have been. You've turned as an arrogant and ignorant fellow who forgot to take care of his girl, " a small tear came out from the corner of my eyes.

Seeing me teary-eyed and a goggling audience, gobbling our caricature with a pin drop silence, he pressed my hands softly in his fist and said in a hushed voice, "Calm down Snehu. You know how much you mean to me. Please don't misunderstand me. I'm always by your side."

I promptly managed myself, leaving my hands away from him and said, "The way you have been doing it for eight months?"

He made an irritated face and replied persuasively, "Yaar, you're losing your calm. Why don't you understand that I was put in dispute so I wasn't able to take care of other things. Keep yourself in my position, put your feet on my shoes and give efforts to understand. Please for god's sake, think once."

I was in no mood to leave as I could feel that he was slowly going out of my hands and our tracks were getting intrigued, I said in a debating tone, "Why are you being sceptical taking such rubbish things…"

"Don't you dare to call it rubbish. I mind you." He bursted in rage pointing fingers at me.

I felt I didn't know this version of Aniruddha, he never seemed like this in our entire three years. I could see my world slowly collapsing before my helplessness. It was the worst day of my life.

I broke out in sobs. I replied, "You are changed, Aniruddha. You are not anymore the one I unconditionally has loved. You are changed completely. Now, you have to make a decision right now. Either me or politics. Choice is yours and decision has to be taken instantly!"

I was heartbroken, utterly demeaned in front of a curious public, silently enjoying our wretchedness. I got more dilapidated when I saw Aniruddha kept quiet lowering his head.

After a minute, I swiped off my tears and confirmed with a bloodied heart, "Fine, I have understood all your intentions and found your answers in your silence. I won't disturb you anymore. Take care." I didn't make any later to give the public a chance to take more advantage of us. I swiftly disowned the ring he gave me and left the place.

I could hear "Sneha, please don't go. Listen to me once. I didn't mean that. Please Sneha. Sneha Sneha Sneha..!!" from behind but neither slowered my footsteps nor turned my head around. We ended everything up ; sweet memories, laughter, love, togetherness, bond, promises, precious moments everything in a bleak series of unfortunates! Sleepless nights and insomnia became my friend after that, a round visits of psychologists with my mother per week became my routine. I cried, I stumbled, I got finished yet I rose, I managed my soul, I picked all the broken pieces up and stitched and I reverted back standing stronger than ever.

With the rattling sound on the window, I gained my senses and came back to reality. I touched my cheeks and felt that it was watery with the tears of my eyes. And strange was that I spent half an hour with the photos in my phone and it rang for 4 times. I promptly check my mails where Ashutosh verified my article with a 'Yes' and my boss, Mr. Sudhir Agarwal called me 4 times.

I cursed myself for my negligence, "Shit! How can I be so careless? I have to send the file as soon as possible, it's 6 p.m now."

I sent the file to my boss on mail and called him right then.

"Hello Sir, sorry for not attending the calls as I was getting fresh in the washroom then. I have sent an article regarding the protest issue in the mail. Hope you have received it. Anything else, Sir?" I persuasively asked.

He replied in a casual tone, "No problem, Sneha. I have received it. But I have called you for a serious matter."

"What's this sir?" I asked with a little worry in my face.

"Here in Kolkata, for two days SUCI is arranging a march against the ruling party and SUCI Student Leader and some of his followers have also kept hunger strike for not solving the issues hand on hand. You both have to cover the whole thing." Stated my boss.

Aniruddha's face striked on mind. With a ridiculed heart, I replied, "But sir…"

He interrupted and said, "No 'but's. Just come here overnight and cover everything possible. I am sending both of your flight tickets on your whatsapp after an hour."

"Areey Sir, listen once. Sir sir sir…" and he cut the call while I was going to plead to him to cancel the schedule for him.

After a long time, I felt a current went through my spine with the thoughts of facing him. I didn't want to face him right now but the thoughts of taking his one glimpse trickles out everyday on my mind. Cold chilly wave made me shiver, and his thoughts left me shattered!

I rapidly called Ashutosh who was already out capturing the pictures of the beautiful nature of Darjeeling and told him to meet me in 15minutes. He returned and knocked on my door. It was now 8p.m.

I opened the door and was rushing towards the room. From one corner to another corner, I started venturing. He disturb fully asked, "What happened Sneha, why are you looking disturbed and what is the reason for summoning me?"

I replied, "Sir called me."

"Yes..so what?" He asked.

"He told us to return to Kolkata by tonight and cover the march and hunger strike arranged by SUCI in protest of the ruling party's negligence taking this issue and vandalizing peace on political condition." I exclaimed all in one go.

"What? Tonight? How can we go? Where are the arrangements of our departure? Air Tickets? This is a pure shit yaar!" He got furious.

"Don't worry. He sent us the tickets just half an hour ago. We have our flights at 12 a.m. So, we have to leave on half an hour to get done with all the check in trials properly. Let's go." I hurriedly said. Though I had the thought of meeting him constantly on my mind making me a little weaker by heart.

We left our hotel in 30minutes. We took a cab and headed towards Bagdogra International Airport, which is a one hour distance from our hotel. After all the check in rituals, we were now ready to board on flights.

Right now, on 24 th feb, I am currently sitting in the flight and have no clue what luck has in store for me. I only know I am going to cover a thing which would be the last thing in my life I wanted and I am going to interview the person I never thought of facing even. I am flipping through the pages of my diary now, to visualize all the memories of the past again. Soon, we shall reach the Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose International Airport. I have covered a lot of news in my life and always felt the longing to return back to my home as early as possible. But today was different, I have the least interest to reach there. I am in tension as I have to take the interview byte from SUCI Student Leader, Aniruddha Bhattacharya. He was not only one of the leading political personalities in both today's and tomorrow's scenario, but has the tag of my ex-boyfriend. Being a journalist, I have always tried to cover the utmost truth from its core but always have pressed a dark secret hidden.

My mind asks, "How will you take his interviews Ms. Sneha Chatterjee, a renowned journalist on a leading channel?"

As if I am getting trolled by my mind also. A cold war is occurring between my mind and my brain. Suddenly I get to hear now, "Dear passengers, please fasten your seat-belts. We are going to land in 15minutes. Thank you for having a journey with IndiGo Airlines."

After fastening my seat-belts, I am sitting with my half-eaten brain. I and Asutosh are now done waving good-byes, and now heading towards our respective homes. I took a cab and now am going straight towards the park street where my mother must be waiting with a pair of sleepy eyes. But I can't reduce the loads of guilt from my mind. The incident which shattered us five years back is now again reverting back to me.

I have reached home now. A tight hug from my mother is somehow being able to cut the worries off from my head. I know I can't sleep at all. It's already 3a.m., and I have to go out again at 9a.m so that we can cover the march and then interview Aniruddha.

As usual, I couldn't sleep all night. I have only shifted my place on the bed. Now it's 8a.m. With a lethargy I got up and got fresh to attend the breakfast table.

After a long time I am enjoying home made food, and that with a preoccupied mind and brain.

Maa ran her hands through my hair and said, "Do you best today. I know you are a champion".

I have regained my confidence. I have called Ashutosh and he has answered that he is on the way to reach Esplanade where all the protestors are shouting and leading the rally with several placards against the ruling party.

I have already reached the place. The very known Esplanade has been changed with protestors, police, burning posters, shouting slogans and what not. The place has been a chaotic massacre right now.

I have started in front of the camera, where Asutosh is framing the place , "Here you can see how the protest march has been led by SUCI today. Crowds have gathered at the place shielding all the way. They have restricted the streets by gathering and marching together.." when everyone has started running towards the SUCI Student Leader's entrance on the spot. Yes Aniruddha is here now,

I can easily see him in a white punjabi, faded jeans and a decent frame on his eyes. He is definitely looking charming and smart now. I got the amazing feeling seeing him after a span of 5 years. I can feel the cool breeze swept through my mind just now.

Without getting late anymore, I swiftly ran towards the spot he is coming here to join his fellows. Ashutosh has been covering all the essential clips as much as he can.

After leaving the crowd aside, we are now just some inches away from him. He in a gesture of joining his both hands together, is coming towards us. Suddenly both our eyes met, and he has become still.

With a quivering voice, I have kept my boom before him and said, " Mr. Aniruddha Bhattacharjee, We are from YouthStar News Channel. We want to take your detailed interview over this issue. Will you please cooperate with us Sir?" Finally! I did it! I have said it straight to him.

He seems to be managing himself and saying, "Yes, madam. I am ready to give the interview for your channel. Let's proceed with it after 20minutes."

I just now have replied, "Sure, Sir."

Interview started when the marches finished. We have taken a cafe, Cafe CheapThrills, just beside the ground of the march.

Aniruddha must have been getting the feelings of our old meetings or else maybe taking it only as an interview. I am not sure.

I have taken the seat opposite to him and started taking his interview about his journey in politics, recent issues brewing against the ruling party and other things.

I have the thought in my mind that if any possible way, he speaks about his personal life where he mentions the slightest sparkle of us. Is it very mean of me that I wish for such. I know nothing of it.

When he is speaking, he is never keeping his sharp eyes aside from me. I don't know how to react, how to speak and without knowing everything, I am just keeping myself with the flow and asking the question I prepared on the way to here.

Suddenly I threw a question to him, "Tell me something about your inspiration of entering into politics. Was it in your mind from the school time sir, or else you had recently found this new passion in yourself. May we get to know something about your school life and college life?"

He is now looking towards me abruptly, yet giving a sharp ebriating vibes to my mind with his eyes. I can't resist crying as the series of thoughts just flashed back in front of me.

He answers, "Usually I don't answer about my personal life. But today, I have come prepared. My school life was unexceptionally vibrant with precious memories. There was a girl in my life too. She had taught me moral values, good lessons and several virtues and quality ethics. My college life though was not as vibrant as my school life but it gave me the heart-wrenching separation I could have never digested and still now can't digest. Anyway I don't want to drift the issues into another track. All I want to say is that politics was in my blood from the very beginning and I have only walked through the path of true ethics and honesty. And I assure all my followers and dearest viewers that I shall keep my promise till death. Thank you."

He completes his speech by giving several goosebumps on my skin. I am feeling that my heart is getting torn and pricked with several pins. I have never felt so guilty in my entire life. "God, why did I misunderstand him? Why did I leave him midway?" My mind is uttering loudly now.

Managing myself with all my best, I have said with my boom, "Thank you sir for considering your precious time with YouthStar News Channel. We are privileged to have you here with us today."

He answers, "Thank you." And he joined his hands looking in front of the camera.

I complete giving the last byte, "So, we took the latest interview of Mr. Aniruddha Bhattacharya on the ongoing issues of Darjeeling separation and his team's protest against the ruling party's procrastination on taking the things under control. With taking due permission of our lovely audience, we are finishing today's interview here. On behalf of YouthStar Channel, I'm Suchismita with cameraman Ashutosh. Thank you."

I just signed the boom off now.

Ashutosh has filmed every important byte and is now taking a long breath of relief.

I can see Aniruddha waiting outside the cafe. I don't understand his intention now but can't prevent my urge to have conversation with him.

I can feel everything positive when he exists beside me. And exactly the same is happening now.

I have come out of the cafe, no sooner Aniruddha has stood opposite to me. He and I, again face to face.

Ashutosh doesn't understand anything and asks me if he can wait somewhere beside this place until I finish my talk with him. I give him a positive sign and tell him to leave.

He leaves.

Aniruddha continues, " You have changed a lot. Looking way more beautiful in black suit and blazer. Anyway I have something to say to you. Are you free for half an hour?"

My heart pounds with his compliment, and as usual I pretend to be normal saying, "Yes say. I am free now."

He states, "Not here. This is not the right place to have conversation. Why not talk over a cup of coffee inside?"

I promptly give the answer, "Yes. Sure. No issues. Let's enter in."

We have entered the cafe now. After a pause of 5 minutes and utter hesitation, he orders two cup of coffee and egg sadwitch and starts, "Actually I knew from the beginning that you are working with YouthStar. And yesterday, when I heard about the interview, I got very much excited to meet you. And it has been a long time since we haven't been in contact too as you have blocked me from all your contacts."

I have been just going to explain when he has stopped me saying, "I know..I know I'm talking out of the tracks. But don't worry as I won't start anything now here. I only wanted to say that I have come here with a letter for you here."

I interrupt, "Letter? For what?"

I got very curious.

He replies, "Yes, a letter."

He suddenly keeps the letter out from his side bag and hands it over to me.

I wanted to open it here but he forbids it.

Meanwhile I ask him about his recent relationship status and he happily replies that he has none in his life except some beautiful past memories. And the water then serves the order on the table and leaves.

We finish our stuff.

And with my all due permission, he leaves me there with a warm hug and waving a sweet good-bye.

After his departure, I have opened the letter to not manage to control my curiosity to know what is written in it.



It says,

" Dearest Sneha,

You don't know how much I have missed you all these days. The day you cried profusely in front of me and left me all alone, was the worst day of my life. I have tried a lot to overcome this desolation period but it left me more in utmost deplorable condition. I suffered in insomnia, lost my appetite, closed myself in a room and stopped talking to my family members and friends. It was the darkest period of my life. Even your absence led me to the psychologists. I wish I can sum up all my miseries that came along with your departure. I knew you too were not at peace leaving me like this and I also don't want to make you guilty after describing my condition right now. I know I have done wrong to you. I also know that I have been severely careless about our relationship but trust me, I have never stopped loving you from the core of my heart. The day when I shall stop loving you, will be the day my heart will stop beating forever. Just take care of yourself. I love you and shall love you forever and ever. My prayers will never stop keeping your name in it. In case you need me or else consider me to enter your life once again, here goes my no. 9993444565. Stay blessed my love!

Your culprit,

Aniruddha."

After reading the letter, my world shattered into pieces. Everything is getting blurry in front of my eyes now. Why does God punish us without any mistakes? Is it my fate to lose my father first and now my lover too? I don't know. The roads are already unclear now as if God is slowly snatching my world in front of me. The decision of leaving him is now eating me to the core. A strange pain is tearing my head . I'm no longer in a condition to describe anything.

I can see Ashutosh has come running towards me, and now he is shaking my body. I can feel my numbness all over my body. Am I collapsed on the floor?

His voice reverberates like this , " Are you okay, Sneha? Sneha, can you hear me???......."

And here I lie as a living corpse. My mind utters "Only if you know that SERENE LIES IN YOU, ANIRUDDHA" and this sound silently circulates on the gloomy air.

Love is typically harsh sometimes, more than living this uncertain life!