Ray's Letters

Ray’s Letters

This book is about a seven year old boy called Ray who writes hilarious letters to his Grandmother. His grandmother who usually lives with him is visiting his cousin Ernie for the summer holidays. Ray’s letters describe his days’ events to his dear Gran’ma who he misses very much.

1st May 2012

Dear Gran’ma,

By the time you get this letter, you would have reached Uncle Stan’s house. How are Aunt Sophie and Cousin Ernie? Did Ernie throw darts or water balloons on you yet? How was your journey? Did anything exciting happen on the plane? Was it hijacked? Did you’ll land in water? Please let me know the details!

Anyway, you’ve only gone yesterday but I miss you already. There is no one to flash a torch light in my face in the dark to check if I am asleep. There is no more the sound of shuffling feet, the coughing bouts through the day, no morning singing rituals and no dentures sitting in a container of water on the table top.

I’m going out to post this letter with Dad now. I’m so excited! My very first letter! Then Dad and I are going to play football in the yard!

Love & Hugs,

Ray.

P.S. Please write to me SOON!

4th May 2012

Dear Gran’ma,

I’m so happy to receive your letter today! It’s a pity to know nothing exciting happened on your flight. So, Ernie did throw water balloons at you and you gave him a good twist of the ear? HAHAHA, how I wish I were there to watch that!

How was the football match you ask? I enjoyed it! Dad held the ball on the ground for me to kick. I tried to kick the ball with all my might, missed it and got dad’s chin instead. I don’t think he will be playing football with me again.

Yesterday, mum made Rock Candies reading out of a book. She was quite pleased with herself. She asked me to taste it and tell her how it was. I told her it looks just like a rock and tastes like a rock would taste if it were sweetened. I’m not sure why she kept staring at me, but when dad burst out laughing she chased him around the house. Geez, and to think they ask me to quit running around the place!

I’m going to bed now. It’s 9:30 PM. What have you been up to Gran’ma?

Love, Hugs & Sleepy Yawn,

Ray.

P.S. Here’s a question for you Gran’ma – What is thin and long?

7th May 2012

Dear Gran’ma,

It’s nice to know you have settled in comfortably and made new friends in the park. You always make friends where ever you go Gran’ma…you are a STAR! I’m sorry to hear about your spectacles. Ernie deserved your spanking after he threw them at you when you asked him to pass him your glasses. But look on the brighter side Gran’ma, now you have new ones!

Speaking of spanking, do you remember when you gave me a spanking on my bottom? It was when I drew on your face while you were asleep. Only I used permanent marker by mistake. I got a pink bottom that day. How many color bottoms do you think one can get Gran’ma? I can tell a few color bottoms I’ve had. There’s pink that I just mentioned. Then, there’s purple. That’s when I came rolling down the flight of stairs in the hallway and landed on my behind. The other is, when I went running without pants the day it rained. I fell in a pool of mud in the back yard and got a brown bottom. The last I can remember is when I stuck my bottom in a bucket of ice to see if it would freeze. I think my bottom turned a slight blue. Can you remember any more Gran’ma?

Love with memories of colorful bottoms,

Ray.

P.S. No Gran’ma thin and long is not a pencil! The answer is a thread. Now, what is black, thin and long?

10th May, 2012

Dear Gran’ma,

Alright Gran’ma, we won’t talk about colored bottoms in the letters if you say so.

I’ve caught a cold today Gran’ma. My nose is like a running tap, only running boogers. I’m thinking of collecting it to see how much can I actually collect. I’m thinking of using the box in which you put your dentures at night. That way, I can show you my collection!

Dad and Mom are taking me to the zoo tomorrow. Will write and tell you all about it!

Love with a runny nose,

Ray.

P.S. No, Gran’ma black, thin and long is not a black thread. It’s the shadow of a thread! Now, what is white, thin and long?

12th May, 2012

Dear Gran’ma,

I’m sorry I disgusted you with my previous letter. I won’t mention about boogers in my letters in the future. And don’t worry I haven’t used your box; I only said I was thinking of using it! Erm…just out of curiosity Gran’ma, is a washing detergent used only on clothes or can it be used on erm…say plastic? ….Just curious…erm...he he.

The trip to the Zoo was amazing!!! Thanks for asking about it. I saw a lot of different animals, mammals, reptiles and birds. Dad told me this was supposed to be an informative trip and said I was to remember every species I saw. We took a lot of pictures. He said that he would ask me their names later after we reached home. I scored a century on everything he asked Gran’ma! He was wondering how I remembered. It’s quite simple really. I associated each animal with a member of our family that I thought it resembled. Then when dad showed me the pictures, I just thought about our family members and I could guess the animal! Like Walrus is Dad. Chihuahua is Mom. Orange Orangutan is you. Uncle Steve’s a Giraffe, Aunt Sophie is a penguin Ernie is a Komodo dragon and I am a Lion!

I’m sticking these pictures in a book and calling it “My trip to the Zoo”. I’ll show it to you when you come home.

Love (Rooooaaarr),

Ray.

P.S. No Gran’ma, white thin and long is not a white thread. It’s the ghost of a thread! Now, what is yellow, thin and long?

15th May, 2012

Dear Gran’ma,

Awww, your welcome I associated you with Orangutan. It’s nice to know you’re taking singing classes for Ernie every morning at 5:00 AM. Singing and Ernie….HAHAHA…boy am I missing out on things!

I was playing a “Be what you want to be” day. I started by being a bat. I was hanging upside down in the verandah to the hallway but mom got really angry. I then became a sloth and was lying in front of the fireplace for 4 hours. I was beginning to enjoy it when dad shoved me out of the house. I turned into a mole and began digging mom’s rose garden in the back yard. Mom was REALLY mad (boy, you should have heard her yell!). She asked me to get back in and take a bath. I became a fish and stuck my head under the water holding my breath. Mom got REALLY REALLY mad when I turned blue. I have now been locked up in your room since its downstairs and they can keep an eye on me. I don’t think they are imaginative at all. Hey Gran’ma, I’m on your bed and have your blanket around me. Guess what I am now???

Love and Raised Eyebrow,

Ray.

P.S. No Gran’ma yellow, thin and long is not a jaundiced thread…it’s a yellow thread! (Although I like the jaundiced idea! You are funny Gran’ma! Hehe)

18th May, 2012

Dear Gran’ma,

You’ve had enough of the thin & long P.S’s? You say this right when YOU had started to get funny! But, okay, I won’t ask them in the letters. I’ll ask them when you are back.

Don’t worry about your blanket Gran’ma; it’s still in one piece! I was only playing a polar bear…That gets into a fight with a hunter and is wounded by the bullets. (You won’t notice the holes; mom is stitching them up now).

Hey Gran’ma, the weirdest thing happened. You know how you, dad and mom keep telling me not to talk to strangers? Well, yesterday this courier guy came at our door. Of course I didn’t know the guy, so I wouldn’t answer any of his questions. He asked me to get mom, or tell my name or sign some paper, but just I continued to gape at him like a fool. He left with a weird expression. I am proud of myself for listening to you guys.

Anyway, dad has asked me to start reading the news papers. He said it will improve my diction and make me aware of current affairs. He’s going to ask me what I read once he is back from work. I’ve read the title of the newspaper for today. Tomorrow I might read the date or the page numbers.

Love from your obedient grandson,

Ray.

P.S. See, no more thin and long questions!!!

21st May 2012

Dear Gran’ma,

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! You remembered my birthday and kept a present for me with mom before you left! I was so happy to see it! I opened it right away. I was wondering why you knitted me three legged pants until mom told me it was a polo neck sweater. Thanks Gran’ma, it will last me till high school.

Dad gifted me a set of encyclopedias (why am I not surprised) and mom gifted me a do-it-yourself Lego kit. This evening we had my birthday party. Mom had invited the kids from the neighborhood. We got a huge cake (luckily mom decided to buy it and not make it by herself out of a book). Jose blew off the candles from my cake before I could, so I smashed the cake on his face. No one got to eat cake. Mum and dad said I could not play in any of the games that were planned, because of the cake incident. So I sat through the fun. I felt bad about what I did and made an “I am sorry” card for Jose. I also said sorry to him before he left home. Mom cried when I did that. She said that I’ve grown up. I don’t know why she is sad if I’m growing. Maybe she wants me to stay seven forever.

We are going to the Circus tomorrow! It’s a weekend and an extension of my birthday celebration. Oh boy! Birthdays should come more often.

Love from a grown up boy,

Ray.

24th May 2012

Dear Gran’ma,

Circus is fun! I had no idea! I loved the magician, the trapeze act, the fire act, the lions act, but most of all I loved the clowns!

I tried to be a clown after coming home. I stuck a tomato on my nose but it wouldn’t stay and the juice oozing out of it made it difficult for me to breathe. Then I blew a small red balloon and stuck it on my nose, but then I couldn’t see.

On the way back from the circus, dad bought me some candy floss. I hid some in my pant pockets and have bought it home. I’ve kept it under my bed with my other valuable collections.

How is Ernie’s singing classes going on?

Love from a wanna-be clown,

Ray.

P.S. What do you think I should do to look like a clown Gran’ma?

27th May 2012

Dear Gran’ma,

**HAHA** you think I don’t need to TRY to look like a clown. Yes, I SEE myself in mirror everyday! I told you, you are starting to get funny.

It’s nice to know Ernie’s turning into quite a singer. Are you sure your glasses didn’t break because of his singing?

Uncle Ron paid us a surprise visit today! He stayed for lunch. Did you know he has the largest mole on his nose? Or maybe there is a nose somewhere behind the mole. I couldn’t stop staring at it all through lunch. Mom was mortified and took me to a corner and said it’s rude to stare at Uncle Ron like that. I then started to only look at my feet while talking to Uncle Ron. While leaving he said to mom and dad that I am the most respectful lad he has seen so far. It’s the second time this month when I say, I’m proud of myself!

I’m leaving for posting this letter with mom now. Will be waiting for your next letter!

Love from a respectful lad,

Ray.

P.S. I don’t know how mom came to know about the candy floss. She came straight looking for it under the bed, mumbling “Thank you Gran’ma”. Why is she thanking you?

30th May 2012

Dear Gran’ma,

You’re leaving for home tomorrow! Yay! I’m so happy! I missed you so much!

I will be waiting eagerly for you Gran’ma.

Love you always,

Ray.

P.S. You will find your room and your belongings in good condition. I haven’t touched most of the things.