My 11 Minutes

I am 18 now. Some things have 18 limits, but I didn't see the difference between 18 and now, but later I felt the difference. When I was close to 19, I remembered a few things and wondered why I did those. I'm 19 years old, studying engineering in BITS Hyderabad. I had a huge gang in our college; in that gang, I had a best friend. Everyone in college knows me. We all go to the movies together, drink together and spend most of the time together.

Life with them was great. We are friends forever. Our gang members' names are Rakesh, Dhruv, Samrat, and my best friend Abhinav; there are others too, but these are my close ones. Everyone would love someone when they are in college, and there is also one in my life. That girl's name is Sangeetha. She is not so good-looking, but I don't know why I like her so much. We became friends and used to spend much time together. As soon as I woke up, my day started after I said good morning to her, and it would end after I say goodnight; in the middle, I used to think about her so much. My friends know about Sangeetha, they know her as my friend, but they don't know that I love her; only Abhinav knows that I love Sangeetha. These four years passed unknowingly. College placements will take place tomorrow, so there is a slight fear of what will happen.

I am now a graduate of BITS Hyderabad and got a job in "Goldman Sachs." I have been working there for two years. Meeting with my friends became less, as the work became more intense, but we meet once a month. Rakesh, Dhruv, Abhinav are working in Hyderabad, Samrat is working in Chennai. Not only me, everyone is busy with their work. Sangeetha calls sometimes; she tells about her MBA college. Sangeetha is doing MBA in Hyderabad; this year, she completes her education. I know my responsibilities; I have my parents look after them, reach their 50's and take care of them. Slowly the thoughts of Sangeetha subsided but not feelings of her; instead, they got more. I am 24-year-old now; I am earning, spending my money which I made. I am now independent. All the money I'm earning is being spent. My father always scolds me in this matter, not to waste money on unnecessary things.

I celebrated my 27'th birthday. Thoughts about my marriage are coming up in my family: our family party together on special occasions. I celebrate every birthday with my family, so this 27'th birthday I was with them. People wishing me on my birthdays are reducing every year; I can sense some of my friends' loss. Rakesh, Dhruv, Samrat, and Abhinav wish me on my birthday, and we'll have a conference call. The sad thing is that even Sangeetha has gone too far from me, and we haven't been talking for many days. Maybe she is busy with her husband, yes, she got married last year. The most painful thing is that I haven't confessed my feelings for her; now I can't; these will be within me until I get buried. The chapter of Sangeetha is closed.

Tomorrow I am starting a new life; finally, I'm getting married at 29 to Swetha. Swetha is like the girl next door; she is chubby, cute, and more intelligent than me; she is doing her job equally. I told her everything about my past; she knows my friends; I know her friends too; she liked me, and I liked her as well; we thought we were the perfect pair. Thoughts about Sangeetha have diminished. A new life will start from tomorrow, and my bachelor life ends today. After getting married, we bought a flat in Hyderabad and stayed there. It is so true that our world changes after we get married; we stay with a stranger and build a relationship with them; we grow old and die. I remember Shweta did not cook one day, and time was running out to go to the office; I shouted out loud at her, she screamed back. I went to the office in anger, and I used to phone her in the afternoon, but today I didn't. I told Abhinav that I argued with Swetha, Abhinav said it might be that(periods). I took the day off and went home right away. She slept on the bed crying; I apologized and hugged her tight; I spent the whole day with her. I realized then how difficult it is to be a girl. I took a resolution not to shout at Swetha.

Swetha is now nine months pregnant and will have her delivery soon. I was tensed about her pregnancy, so; I am spending much time with her. Swetha's mom came to look after her; I was a little relaxed. Pains started for her and took her to the hospital immediately. She was taken to ICU; doctors began the operation; I can hear the screams of Swetha; it scared me. The operation was a success, and we are blessed with a boy. Seeing my son, my father got into my mind; he passed away with a stroke; I named my son with my father's name. Holding him in my arms gave me a different feeling; I am a father now.

Seeing our son grow up In Front of us made us feel so good. Looking at him, we laughed, remembering our childhood things. I don't know how the time went; our son is 18 years old now. It seemed like our child was born a few years back, and he was 18 now. We celebrate our son's birthday with us, like how I celebrated with my parents. Now they are not here; they are looking at us from a distance. As I mentioned earlier, after marriage, our world changes, it's been so long I talked to my friends, nothing was like before; everything changed. In my 10'th class, I had 40 friends, in my intermediate I had 20 friends, in my college I had ten friends, at the time of my job I had four friends, now I have none. As we grow older, people go from our lives; it's a sign of growing.

Leg pains, BP, sugar all came. Can it be stopped from not coming at the age of 60? Our son fell in love with a Punjabi girl and got married. At least my son did what I could not do. Our daughter-in-law is a very nice girl, though she was born in Punjab she is raised here. Nowadays, finding good girls has become a tough job; in such a case, how could I reject her. I took retirement from my job; I was at home without any work. Recently I had a stroke. That's why my son asked me to go for a walk in the evenings at the nearby park. I disagreed. Does anyone walk with leg pain? Swetha is also at home; she and our daughter-in-law became friends in less time, so she is spending time with her.

I told my son that the wheelchair was not in good condition, but he did not change it. I don't know my age, but I'm a grandfather now. My granddaughter's name is Swetha, my son named it after his mother's name as she passed away. After Swetha's loss, I had lost interest in living. I went to the doctor as I had more pain in my chest, he said I should walk. This time my son told me very strictly to walk for a while; he sent daughter-in-law with me; she carried her daughter along with her. We went to a park nearby; all class people were in that park, from children to the elderly. My daughter-in-law is with my granddaughter as she went to the sand to play. I was all alone here, got up from my wheelchair, and started walking; on my way, I found an older woman seems to be in trouble; I went to her and asked what's the problem; she said that she forgot her mobile when she came out, now she didn't have enough money to book a cab; I said, "I'll book a cab," she said, "no not needed call my son he'll come and pick me up"; I called her son; he is coming for her. Until her son comes, we're talking; She said." she comes here daily to exercise." "Your son should have sent your daughter-in-law with you," I asked. She replied, "both are working. I am alone in the home, so I came by myself." "What about your husband?" I asked. First, she refused to say, but I asked her, again and again, to say, she said that her husband never loved her; her family fixed her marriage unknowingly; her family found out that she liked someone in college, so they married her right away. She got married against her will; she didn't even confess to him; before she could say, her marriage was fixed, and she was forced to marry against her will, life from then was miserable. I thought this was a similar case to me, but my life isn't tragic. I asked her college name, she said BITS Hyderabad; and her name was Sangeetha.

I could not speak at once; I have had two shocks; the first one is she is Sangeetha, second is she loved someone in college. I'm anxious about his name; she asked about myself before asking her name; I said I'm also from BITS Hyderabad. Immediately she looked into my eyes; tears were rolling out from her eyes; she grabbed me and cried out of happiness. I could understand that person was me. I told her that I loved her, she said she knows that I am seeing her, and she waited for my proposal; however, no one said anything. She said that her husband comes home drunk and scolds her, sometimes beats her, even her in-laws don't take proper care of her; she ran away from him, taking her children. She all alone raised her children and faced many hurdles and offenses from society. I was devastated hearing what she had said. She said that she wanted to meet me, but I'm marrying Swetha, so she felt it wrong and never tried to meet me; that's when she started ignoring me, stupid me; I took it all wrong about her. There is nothing I can do now; it's all over. I still want to talk to her, but her son came to take her; she introduced me to her son; her son is like Sangeetha's boy version. I told him to take care of his mom. She said bye and left. I have many mixed feelings coming up, I can't name them, but they are some feelings and emotions, taking me down the lane, making me remember my teenage and the start of adulthood, laughs, cries, every nonsense we used to do; where it started, how I got here.

I took a sleeping pill, but I couldn't sleep that night. The next day I felt like talking to Abhinav; I called Abhinav after a long period, someone answered the phone; I don't know them, maybe he's his son. He said that Abhinav passed away two years back; my heart weighed heavily on hearing that. About Sangeetha, the only thing that I didn't share with him is my last talk with her; I cried heavily in my heart. I called Rakesh, Samrat, and Dhruv; I got responses like Rakesh on the ventilator. Samrat passed away, and Dhruv can't survive for more than 6months. I felt despondent to hear this. My current situation reminds me of my childhood incident; in our childhood, our school ends at 4 pm; parents are busy with their works, so they come at different times to pick us, we'll wait until they come and pick us up; now I remember the same, Abhinav, Shweta, and Samrat left the school; tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, it's my turn to go.

Remembering about my school, I want to see it one last time; I booked a cab to my school in Dilshuknagar. Much has changed, the name of the school has been changed, new buildings have been built on the ground we play in games period, reminding our morning school prayer, our pet sir would not allow us when we come late, If we didn't do the homework we are kicked out of the class, love affairs, field trips, annual days, lots of memories with friends, Where they might be, are they alive? thoughts about their aliveness sent chills down my spine. Places indeed have the power to hold memories.

Once, Abhinav told me that after we die, our brain stays active for a while, our brain shows us the beautiful memories that have happened since childhood; those last for 11 minutes; yes, these are my 11 minutes. Isn't that great? Farewell to me with this body. So far, I have thought that living well means living richly, but now I have realized that it means making good memories. I wish I could once go back and tell my kids to live the moment and embrace every minute. I lived well, but not great; I had experienced all seasons in my life; some days are warm; some days are cold; some days are rainy; few days are like spring; some are like autumn. Life gives us a chance to clear our regrets and paybacks; all we need to do is wait for an opportunity, like how I got a chance to say my feelings to Sangeetha literally after more than 60 years. Maybe, that's why I got chest pain to meet Sangeetha. I knew that we could not take any material thing from this world, but now I realize that we can't even take our memories, as our memories are, after all, neurons. I guess it's time for me to leave; I have had a great experience living in this world; I don't know where I will be headed from here, I am anxious about my destination. This is me, Arjun, signing off.