Mirror

A cloud of silence has engulfed our flat at Mahamayatala. Time has stopped at our house after the last day’s Incidence. All became speechless.

My little daughter, still unable to walk. Crawling from door to door – from room to room. Her small two eyes were searching someone. Disappointed, shouting with wet eyes.

Since morning, Papa was sitting at balcony. Empty eyes towards the horizon. Utterly expressionless.

Not have enough courage to face him. With a cup of tea, I stood behind him, silently. He could not feel my presence.

"Papa," I called gently. He turned back suddenly as if, came from other world of imaginations.

"Come my daughter. Sit for a while with me," Papa said.

Keeping the cup of tea on the side table, I sat in front of my Papa.

Silence for few moments. Papa started talking of his own.

"Today, I am feeling guilty."

"Why papa, you had nothing to do with," I replied.

"Yes, I had nothing to do at the end. But at the initial phase? Was I correct? I think I was ignorant then. These are haunting me all the time."

"Don’t think this way Papa. This will give you more pain," I said, "Sometimes all things are not within our control. We are the victims of the circumstances."

"I know that, but could not console my mind. Thinking all the times, I could have been much more careful. If I could have, may be this would not have happened," Papa paused a bit.

"Papa, you have never escaped any of your responsibilities," I said.

"Responsibility and carefulness are not the same thing. Responsibility induced us to do such things which should be done in the prevailing circumstances. Carefulness is at much deeper level. Comes from the inner voice consciously or unconsciously. Realization of untold words are feelings. Did I do really?"

I am speechless. Papa continued.

"Never I had to think anything. Everything she performed with pleasure. I remained busy with my office. Your education, your growing-up, your career, everything she has managed with pleasure. Never ever made any complain. Today, I am compelled to think...did I'm really responsible enough for the family? Did my indifference make her more introvert? She never let me know anythings that I do not become annoyed."

"Papa, you did not have enough time. You had so much of responsibilities at office," I said.

"Yes, my child. With the veil of responsibility, we ignore the delicate aspects of mental relationship. Ignore the unuttered words of others. Afraid of thinking out of box beyond our comfort zone. We assume all thing are our moral rights."

I went on listening. It was also my discovery that Papa has so much of emotion in his mind. I did not interfere. He went on saying...

"Maybe, this is the reason she never expressed any of her discomfort. Wanted to keep us happy all the time. With the lamp of her life, she has brighten us. Conceived deadly disease in her breast. Never let us know. Left the world without any complain. May be with lots of discomfort and pain." Papa could not say any more. His voice got stuck.

Could not restrain myself from tears. Papa was trying to hide his.

My little daughter came and sat on the feet of her grandfather. Papa took her on the lap and broke down into tears. Holding her on his arms, may be searching my mom.