Living at the Edge

After one more slap, she was shattered yet again. It was not for the first time that she was smashed into pieces. Last 10 years same vicious process was going on. Sia, never knew that Rohit was bipolar when she got married to him. Within few months the symptoms started show casing. She was disturbed with the news but what made her broken within was that Rohit’s family kept it clandestine from her. At times it was a life that she dreamt about but other times it was nightmare chasing her yet again and again. For a few years Rohit agreed for medication ad therapy, but soon he gave up on it.

His episodes were cumulative in their frequency making Sia’s life horrible. Some days she would break down at her office desk and other times she would just go blank about everything. They had a son, named Riaan.

Today Rohit slapped Sia for sending Riaan in the hostel. Sia hated when Riaan witnessed all the rage and anger issues of his dad. Sia wanted to keep her son away from the dark shadow. After lot of jiffy they went to Panchagani and dropped Riaan in the boarding school. Till now she had a motive for living and smiling, today she was alone again to face the nightmare.

As she locked herself in the room, Rohit kept on bellowing and breaking the house items one by one. She recollected how once Rohit threw a flower vase at her, and she bled a pool of blood. And then the next day how much he cried sitting next to her in the emergency ward as she got her stitches done. It was very challenging to bring out any slightest similarity in the people living inside Rohit.

Whenever she decides to move away from Rohit, the good side of him always bonds with her. And like this so many years went by. But today as she wipes her rolling tears, she makes a firm decision of moving away from him. “I have to, for a better myself and my son, I have to move away.”

As the night falls, she gently unlocked herself and with the slenderest noise, she packed up all possible stuff. Her in laws were asleep fast in their room. Usually whenever Rohit turn out to be violent, in laws would leave Rohit and Sia to handle the heat all alone. 

As per them it would be their peculiar family matter and they should handle it gracefully. Sia hated each bit of their insolence.

She collected all her belongings, her personal documents, few family photographs, all possible stuff of his son. As she was packing the final bag, she recalled how once before as well she nearly sat in the taxi with all the same stuff and her son but her in laws stopped her and pleaded her not to take their hope, Riaan away from them. She could not bear with the tears and pain of in laws and dropped her plan.

But this time, she made sure, not to repeat any gaffe. She wrote a note and kept it in the living room which stated,

“I am leaving this place, you all and Rohit but I am not at all sorry. Past few years I have taxed all possible tactics to cope up with the situations, but it seemed to be of no constructive outcome. I don’t want the darker shadow of Rohit to fall on Riaan, however the better version is always welcome to meet him. As parents you both have failed in handling Rohit. If you would have started the medication on time, things would have been better. Unfortunately you were even ashamed to talk about it. I don’t want to be a failed mother, so please pardon me for taking step for my son.”

As she drives away from the house, all the good memories kept impending send holding her urge to revert her decision. But then the countless marks of injuries on her body held her tight enough to not look back. “Do you want your son to have same marks? NO, so just leave” he inner voice yelled aloud. 

She moved in a working ladies hostel and continued with her life. Initial days were rough, many times Rohit would visit her office and wait for her to meet him. But she simply denied. To keep herself secluded form the violent version of Rohit, it was obligatory, to make equal detachment from the good version as well.

People, society, colleagues judged her, but she hardly cared now.

Few months later…

She heard some whispers, as she opens her eyes, she finds herself lying in a bed in a hospital. Her head was spinning and breath was panting. She screamed for help. She saw her parents rushing inside along with doctors and Rohit. 

The doctor explained to her that she has a serious condition of hallucination. In which she would make up typical scenarios in her brain and for some time start living in the same non real world. She was in coma state after doing a brain surgery and now she was showing positive results. The doctors stated the credit goes to her husband, who round the clock supported and cared for her.

For some time, she felt like world tossing for her. Now she understood that it was never Rohit who had bipolar rather she hallucinated everything in her mind. Rohit never hit her, she always hurt herself and claimed his name. In actual Riaan never required any distance from Rohit rather Riaan needs a distance from his mother.

She understood why her in laws never interfered in any such violent scenario. Rohit always asked them to maintain their calmness with Sia. They were never wrong by hiding anything from her. She recalled the harsh note she left on the table for them.

She cried and cried for hours to release the pain of ages. Rohit came forward and hugged her silently. The warmth they shared was boundless and countless. 

She wondered, how a person can be so patient with her and glued to her in her most typical condition as well.