Haggles, Patience & Lacks

Sometimes motivating myself doesn't work. I know what is going on but I keep myself calm & patient. I don't know until when I have to wait, but the only thing I know is " I have to wait". It is really hard to smile, to make myself happy & content and to make me realise that one day I will surely win. Life is becoming too hard these days. My path is full of stones where I dodder but anyhow I have to cope up with myself to be alive. I am calm outside but there is a gale inside my heart & mind. I may look happy but actually I am not happy sometimes. I am in search of something but that something is too far from me. A long back, people used to teach me how to have patience. I was a kid then. I couldn't learn that point then but now life has explained the real meaning of patience and life itself has done experiment on me. Now, how many experiments are left ? I am dying but I have to be alive for some reason. Now I've understood the real meaning of struggle, haggles, patience and lacks. I don't know when will it be over but I know it will be over one day. My struggle is lifelong but it will be an example and I am sure about it.