Ek Dafa pyaar

The worst feeling is when you are in your late teens and you finally fall in love with a guy and you are obliged not to tell him about it,. that's when it hurts d most. Family practices, their beliefs won't let you go with your heart and mainly when you know that you are not at all his type. 

Yup, I was finally in love with one of my seniors, maybe being at the end of teen pushed me a little to know what I actually felt. He was my best friend and that was one of the main reasons I fell in love with him. He understood me though we never met in person, he knew about me more than anybody. Those were more than enough reasons for me to fall for him. Even before I had realised it, he admitted that he liked me a lot, I had admitted to him that even I liked him. But for me, it eventually turned into love but not for him. I had almost planned my future with him, but he didn't even include me in his future and flew away to London. 

It was very painful because I couldn't admit to him that I was in love, I didn't want to sound desperate. So I told him that I only liked him and nothing else...But I couldn't keep it to myself, it hurt me badly. Though I never messaged him after that day, I always waited for him to show up,.. But not always the dreams come true. I hate myself for losing myself and hurting myself so much for someone who didn't even take me as an option.

When I stopped talking to him, I didn't just lose a person I was in love with but I lost my best friend too. That was the worst part.

Another worst part was that whomever I met after that, I started comparing them with him and thanks to him, I never found anyone worthy to be replaced. 

I know it's just a phase and I'll over come it but I don't know if my trust over myself and on love will remain the same then. I just don't know.......