DESIDERIO

When I was seven, our house was robbed, and my parents were killed by the robber. I became an orphan when I wasn’t ready for the world, and no blood relatives took me in.

My aunts and uncles cared enough to provide my monthly allowance, but that was it. For a month, my nanny took care of me. However, without enough wage to barter her service, she too left me. I cried so hard. I didn’t want her to leave. I didn’t want to be alone in the house.

I shrunk to my knees outside our house, wailing and calling for my parents till my throat bled. A stranger came near me. He wiped the tears away from my face and made me stand up. He brushed the dirt off of my shorts and offered a lollipop. He was the ray of light, my savior.

I had no idea who he was, but I let him inside the house. Maybe he was one of my kinder relatives?

Since that day, he would come to the house to take care of me. He would cook breakfast, bathe me, and leave without saying a single word. He would come back shortly during lunch to eat with me and then go again. He would reappear during dinner.

He was a mystery man to me.

He would do the laundry, clean the house, and take me out when he felt like it. I didn’t know his name, but not long after, I started calling him Tatay.

He acted as my parent for three years and even sent me back to school. He taught me how to care for myself, the house, and my finances. It was as if he was preparing me for his inevitable departure.

"Tay, what’s your name?"

I had asked him a million times for a name, but all I would ever get was a smile. He was the kindest. He told me fascinating stories, like why people steal, why people leave, and why people had to do the things they did.

He would take me out during my birthdays. Every single minute with him felt magical and adventurous.

One afternoon, it was pouring hard, Tatay stormed inside the house. He looked confused and lost. Still dripping wet from the rain outside, he sat on the sofa and stared blankly into the space.

“Are you okay, Tatay?”

He didn’t answer, but he looked at me. I was too young to understand, but I certainly saw sadness and pain glistening in his eyes.

He walked toward me and held my shoulders. “Mat, let’s go.”

“Where are we going?”

“Anywhere.”

“But it’s raining…”

He made me wear my yellow raincoat, and we brought a huge umbrella to shelter us from the rain.

“I hope you grow as a good person.”

I smiled because I knew I will.

"Don’t break a girl’s heart, kid."

I chuckled.

“I know you’ll be fine on your own. Don’t be sad.”

“You’re with me, Tay–"

“Desiderio. Remember that name. He killed your parents.”

He plunged me back to the darkest day of my life. I thought I was over it. I forgot about it for a while.

“I need to go.”

I shook my head in defiance. I know he wasn’t talking about a temporary departure. He was leaving me for good. I clung to him and begged him to stay. He removed my hand and gave me the umbrella.

“You’re on your own, kid.”

I never saw him again.

I promised myself I would find Desiderio and avenge my parents. Fifteen years later, I finally found him.

“Mr. Matthew, let’s go.”

The lawyer handling my parents’ case leads me inside the courtroom. I was so thrilled when I found out he was in custody. I couldn’t wait to get in there and see the defeat written on his face.

I fix my eyes on the person sitting on the defendant’s chair. I blink twice. When it isn’t enough, I rub my eyes. I see someone I never expected to be there.

Why is he sitting there?

I rush towards him, tears unstoppable and free-flowing.

“This isn’t real… this isn’t real…”

“Have I told you yet?”

My flesh trembles at the sound of his voice. The confusion, pain, anger, and hatred mixed with the indescribable longing for the parent I thought he was to me.

“Have I told you my name yet?”

“No, don’t. Tell me it’s not–"

“Desiderio. That’s my name, kid.”

I worked my bones until they crushed so I could find Desiderio and my Tatay next. Turns out, I only needed to find one because they are the same person.

“No! This isn’t real! This isn’t real!”

“I never meant to kill them. Forgive me, Mat. Forgive me…”