Day 3

Dear Diary,

As expected mom asked me about my reply to her question today... I became silent. I was scared I guess to reveal everything or anything.

"What?" she probed me

"I dunno what to say" I sighed

"Is it that bad that you can't even express it? " she raised her eyebrows

"Maybe... " I shrugged

"Tell me whatever it is..." she was stern this time or that's what I felt.

"The guy I like is not from our caste" I blurted out in a breath

"Pratik... Right?" she said. I tried to decipher her emotions or thoughts but it was like holding the sand tight in the fist.

I nodded my head in response without making eye contact. Again there was a big awkward silence.

"I had a doubt since I... "

"Since you saw those pics... I know" I completed the sentence for her.

Then I was bombarded with all sorts of questions about him, where does he work, how much does he earn, what is his post. Frankly speaking, I was prepared for all of these questions. After extracting all information she responded "I don't like this... "

I just looked at her... She stared back at me, I don't know what she was expecting me to do, was I supposed to respond to her statement? I had no clue... I focused back on my fingers in my lap.

"I was not expecting this... At least from you" and she walked in the kitchen resumed cooking as if nothing unusual had happened.

If my turmoil of emotions for yesterday was termed as a storm. I dunno what to label it today. This whole scenario pushed me to think life without him... and it seemed like clear water. No color, no taste, no odor, just flowing aimlessly.

I have had this conversation with my mom in my head multiple times and I was expecting this kind of response, but never imagined what my reaction would be... I am not upset with her, I understand her to stand. The weird thing is I don't know whether am guilty of lowering my standards or feeling bad that I understand her perspective.

I wish she could understand how important he is for me...

Yours,

Buddy