(Close To)Honest nine months of pregnancy

These nine months of pregnancy were like that silent great Ocean after a longest spell of rain with thunderstorms , splashing and spilling water over its banks. 

All directional signposts , risking signs that were once screaming my identity , my foundation are now completely gone. Once this carnival of storms is over, I truly do not even remember a single second of how I had made it through , how I have managed to survive. Iam not even in that confidence phase to realize that this "Confidential-storm" is surely over or not .But one thing is certain and iam hundred percent sure about this , that when I come out of this maze , i'm definitely not the same person I was when I walked in it nine months ago.I think that's what this storm was all about.

Choose your preferable word according to your vocabulary - be it 'overwhelmed', 'overflow' , 'overpowering' or 'inundated' , the only thing you should/ could do is you just have to go with the flow of it , slushing away with that rush of water both literally and metaphorically. 

And still the droplets of rainfall are sometimes dropping down on the surface of the ocean. Everytime I see a visual of flood l on the television news , I tell myself: That's it. That's my heart right now .

Imagine , In the Moonlight ,a dark pool of water. My vulnerabilities, my emotions are like this right now .Most probably it was always there . May be they were hiding away somewhere with their own inner demons . Grey , bad , good all feelings are turning side by side. But when the time comes out and the land is dark , they secretly, hushing-ly , very silently bushes itself out, These sweet - bitter pills are now chilling every single cell in my body both literally and metaphorically.Iam drowning in this wholesome  flood, celebrating and witnessing every single breath ( of Us). Definitely , I have a very strong support system in the form of my family and friends , to make sure I am hooked to a vent near the ceiling, struggling, but successfully managing to breathe ( only metaphorically).Even if it is dry and burns my throat sometimes. Water-thirst, cold-heat.When I want something These opposite elements of the universe combine/conspire to help me to achieve it to pamper/ haunt me ( let's blame it on my mood swings ). 

This world is a very huge space, and in this gigantic big world , my own little space that is breathing inside me - It is not very big- and is nowhere to be found.Sometimes , in my free time I seek a voice, but what do I get?Silence. But the strange yet interesting part here is when I look for silence , guess what ? All I could hear over and over and over is the voice of this omen. And sometimes this prophetic voice pushes a secret switch of a very sweet smile , hidden deep inside my heart .