Chemical Lungs

Monday, I smoked a cigarette. 

I tried to smoke a cigarette. 

I choked. 

I coughed.

I laughed.

I let it go.

Tuesday, I took two puffs of the black beauty, first with efforts and then with pretentious effortless-ness. Puffs which didn't reach my lungs. They touched the walls of my mouth and left too soon. Like the man, I love(d)?

My tongue loves sugar. They could anyway taste sweetness. So, I went for the clove cigarette to start with. By the time, my friends finished smoking the regular cigarette, my sugary poison stick had just traveled the half of its life span. 

Wednesday, I touched the filter with my matte lipstick with much more confidence. I closed my eyes, felt the smoke enter my lungs. The lit cigarette burned my throat walls. I breathed out a lot of breath: smoke-colored and disease-shaped.

Thursday, I ringed with the rings of smoke. I took continuous puffs of smoke - a few of out addiction, few out of the restlessness it has caused within me. Arguing that the lit cigarette is "putting off" the stress in my head. And my technically incompetent body - uneducated in science - finds it hard to differentiate carbon monoxide from oxygen. (Like my inept heart absorbed the promises of that winter night)

Friday, I watched myself ruthlessly throwing away the dead bodies of deadening cigarettes - burnt, blackened black, clove-flavored, blue-coated and glum-colored. 

Saturday, I am writing this piece. I am uneasy and jittery, twitchy and anxious - I don't know why I am missing the clove between my lips. I am missing the nicotine saliva taste. I am missing the burnt feeling in my entire body. The Wicked Wine shade on my lips could not hide the fine lines caused by the ugly cigarette puffs. 

My cells want that carbon monoxide. 

My throat wants that heated smoke. 

My tongue wants that cigarette-flavour. 

My hand wants that nicotine smell.

My lungs want that sticky brown substance. 

My lung is gradually blackening.

Should I paint the rest with darkness too?

Or let it face the daylight?