Baisakhi

It was here at last!

Baisakhi! My most favourite festival in the whole world! Now I would go with my Father and Uncles into the fields. It was a time of spring, a time of harvest, a time of hope. Everywhere, it was joyous. We would do kirtans and visit the Golden Temple, we would raise the Nishan Sahib flag, we would have lots of food and sweets to serve and eat. We would do a lot of Daan. I had been looking forward to this, for months. Every year it came and all the misery and sorrow of the past few months seemed to vanish. To disappear. As if the coming of the Baisakhi in the current year would herald new beginnings in the coming year. This is what we thought every year and though it didn’t quite pan out that way, we kept on hoping.

Isnt this, after all, what a festival is about? The Gods whom we don’t pray everyday, we use the festival to call them back into our homes and minds and hearts and we ask them for forgiveness and for benevolence, that we may fulfill our dreams and desires.

And now it was here.

The atmosphere was so upbeat. Even though there had been a quarrel in the family. A bad violent quarrel. But quarrels were always happening these days. In families. And this quarrel involved Majle Chaachu, as usual. For us, it was nothing new.

Our grandfather, we called him Sher Singh, he was constantly berating my father’s friend. Majle-Chaachu wasn’t related to us by blood. But he was related to us by love. As our father’s childhood friend. He was always a constant presence in our family and us children in his. Majle Chaachu had been part of this family for years and years now and I knew that he and Grandpa had been very very close. Grandpa used to play so many games with him and my father. And he was especially close to me. Among all my siblings and cousins, he always used to speak to me the most and play with me the most.

And the quarrel was for a reason which I felt was very silly. I don’t understand adults. They teach us to do something and when they themselves do it, they get angry with each other. Like I was always taught that joining the army is a great thing. A thing of valour. A thing of courage. But when Majle Chaachu joined the army, all hell broke loose. Grandpa did not like Majle Chaachu joning the army and even Majle Chaachu’s parents did not like it. But I liked Majle-Chaachu, he would bring me so many gifts. He also told me stories about the army, which my cousins were not interested in, but I was. Stories of valour, stories of courage. Stories of vanquishing the enemy. And every night, before going to sleep, I used to imagine, going to the battlefield, wearing the dress of the soldier and shooting the evil enemy. My chest used to swell with pride and my eyes used to fill with tears, tears of pride of course, that I would one day fight for my motherland, against the evil enemy. And to know that I had an Uncle, Majle Chaachu, who was doing that day-in and day-out, it felt wonderful. I would feel so proud, telling all my friends about it.

But of course I didn’t. Because they all were so hell bent against it.

We had a big Haveli and there used to be so many guests. We already had a big joint family. And there were so many neighbourhood friends. And on Baisakhi, this Haveli was adorned with decorations and colours and there were several such homes in the neighbourhood. Our locality used to resemble a fair and people used to come and go into our home, all day.

We had a big garden near us, where we lived. Me and my friends – we used to go there twice a week and on every Sunday. We loved that garden. There were so many games that we played and it was so huge. Whenever there was a quarrel in the family, us children would slip out and come here. For some time, our mood would be glum but then we would lighten up and start playing and forget our troubles. We too had our own quarrels in this garden.

But yesterday’s quarrel had been really something. When Majle Chaachu had come to visit, (he gave me a paan to eat and I wasn’t supposed to have paan, actually, I was still small). And Grandpa started again, roaring and berating Majle Chaachu for joining the army. It was even more than before, it was as if Grandpa could no longer bear seeing Majle Chaachu. I couldn’t understand it. I thought that over time, Grandpa would come to accept it, like all adults do, right? But this anger was getting worse and worse. Grandpa kept using the word “dangerous” again and again. 

I knew it was dangerous, but I didn’t know why Grandpa kept on going on and on about it. It was the army, of course. It was supposed to be dangerous, right? And when my father tried to intervene, because this time the quarrel had really intensified, Grandpa roared at him also. I knew that Grandpa was not a coward, he was a very brave man, in fact. So why did he scream at Majle Chaachu so much? What was it about the army that Grandpa did not like? 

We were all terrified of Grandpa, me and my two sisters and four cousin brothers. But we knew Grandpa was really fond of us. He had been very fond of Majle Chaachu also, till a few years back. Till the time Majle Chaachu joined the army. After that, Grandpa refused to have a proper chat with Majle Chaachu. And he used to go into a rage, if anyone even took Majle Chaachu’s name. 

One of my cousin brothers had asked Grandpa about this. He was slightly older than us, so he thought he could have a man-to-man talk. The thrashing he received from Grandpa was the stuff of legends. Half of Amritsar would have heard them. After that, nobody ever asked Grandpa about Majle Chaachu.

I had tried asking Majle Chaachu directly once. Since we were so close. Maybe he would confide in me, I thought.

“Don’t pay any attention, Sunny” he used to tell me “Your Grandpa loves me a lot. He’s worried that the army is dangerous and I could get injured or shot. You are only seeing his yelling. But I am also seeing the love”

“But isn’t joining the army supposed to be a thing of pride? Grandpa should be proud of you! Why is he so angry?”

“It is. It is. It is a thing of pride” Majle Chaachu was trying to deflect the conversation, steer it in a different direction. “And your Grandpa will realize that, someday. I will keep on coming and I will keep on trying. Don’t worry.” And he shrugged and smiled, but I continued to feel uneasy.

“But he doesn’t even speak to your parents” I refused to let this go. “Should I ask him?”

“No!” Majle Chaachu admonished me. “Don’t do that. You’ll get a thrashing from him. You know what happened to Jaggu, right? Poor guy couldn’t sit properly in school for two days.”.

I couldn’t help but chuckle. But then I went quiet. He was right. I was kind of hurt, that he didn’t confide in me, but I guess I was too small to understand. Maybe someday I would, I thought.

Well, I didn’t ask Grandpa of course, because I didn’t have the courage. But I couldn’t understand it. The army life, the soldiers, the barracks, the courage, looking at the enemy in the eye, this is what I had been taught when I was small, this, I was told, was what the soldiers lived for, but now nobody seemed to talk about it……

Except the day before Baisakhi, when Grandpa almost ordered Majle Chaachu out of the house and roared “Don’t ever enter our Haveli again! Ever!” I had never seen Grandpa shout like that and then he sputtered and choked. When Majle Chaachu came forward to help, Grandpa just brushed it away. “Get out!” he whispered again, gnashing his teeth, at Majle Chaachu. “If you have any shame left, don’t ever darken my doors again.”

Never before had such a threat been issued. We all were very sad, when we heard those shouts. Usually, when Majle Chaachu and Grandpa used to talk, we used to be ordered out of the house, to play. This time, because of Baisakhi preparations we were in the house. And we all felt that because of Baisakhi, maybe Grandpa would be inclined to be in a good mood. But no. That was not to be.

Majle Chaachu had left and I had seen anger in his eyes. I wanted to ask him, but I couldn’t. But I had been to his room, when he was speaking with Grandpa. Every time he came to our Haveli, he had a separate small room that was earmarked for him. And I went through his stuff and made a discovery. A most thrilling discovery indeed.

There was going to be a gathering of the army, it seemed, a parade!

Wow!

A parade of the army!

I wanted to see it so bad! Imagine, an entire army formation, the soldiers wearing their crisp, starched uniform and their polished boots. Every one of them looking fit and sharp, ready to do their duty. And they were all gathering very close to our home. Near the garden, in fact. And yet, because of the mood in our family regarding the army, they might as well have been miles away!

I told my friends about it. Gulshan, Dolly, Sattu and Jasmeet, yes, we would all go to watch the parade. On Baisakhi. We would tell everyone that we were going to the Golden Temple. But we would go and see the army. We all used to secretly dream of wearing the army uniform. But I couldn’t say anything at home, I knew even my father would half-kill me if I said that. I decided to stay silent. My stupid sisters would tell everyone and my cousin brothers would blackmail me, I knew. So this plan was only weaved between me and my friends. We wouldn’t even tell Majle Chaachu, we would surprise him. He would be so surprised and so happy to see us! He would feel happy that there was someone in our family, who was supporting his dream of joining the army.

So I kept quiet.

And the day dawned bright and clear. Me and my friends we were running everywhere and everyone was shouting at us and also laughing. I also went to Grandpa and twirled his huge moustache, he liked it. I never spoke about Majle Chaachu with Grandpa, how could I do that. He didn’t know how close Majle Chaachu was, with me. Otherwise, who knows, he would have told me also to leave the house.

We all ate sweets and we all rushed off. Nobody would say anything, our home was full of guests and the entire Amritsar had become one big welcoming family. Everyone’s doors were open and everyone was laughing and shouting and drinking lassis and eating sweets and what can I say – Baisakhi is the best! Nobody even noticed us as we slunk away, I just told my mother that I was going to the Temple and she looked at me happily and said that I should pray for everyone. I used to go to the temple regularly with my friends, so she did not think there was anything amiss. I kept it that way.

And so we set off, the five of us - Gulshan, Dolly, Sattu, Jasmeet and me. In fact, none of us told our families that we were visiting the army, otherwise who knows – word would have got back to my family and that would have been that.

We reached the garden. There were a crowd of people and we asked them where the army parade was going to take place. They first stared at us as if we had taken leave of our senses. Then they pointed out the direction where the parade would be starting; it was near our garden, as it was originally mentioned in that sheet I found in Majle Chaachu’s room! Wow! Nice! I would really really surprise Majle Chaachu, he would be very happy when he saw me.

We went inside our favourite garden, because we thought that is where the parade is happening. There were so many places inside, where we had played so many games. But today, there were many people inside that garden. I didn’t know Baisakhi was being celebrated inside this garden also. There were so many adults, in fact, now I noticed that all of them were mostly adults. Where were the soldiers? Where was the army? I asked one of the people gathered here, but they just stared at me, as if I had gone mad.

A couple of them spoke to us roughly, “What are you doing here? Go back! This is not a place for kids!”

Not a place for kids? This was a park, for God’s sake. I wanted to tell him that this was not a place for adults, but I kept my trap shut.

Dolly started whimpering “Let’s go back”

“Arre, c’mon!” Gully and Jas backed me up. “When do we get to do something like this?”

We couldn’t let a couple of bumpkins deter us from our goal. We had to see the parade – we just had to.

We all spoke to her and finally she also rubbed her face and grinned. “We’ll play hide and seek later” I told her. “After all these people go away from here. Ok?”

“Ok!” she grinned happily. 

We all looked around with anticipation. Maybe they would serve something here and – Hey, there he was – Majle Chaachu. I finally saw that the soldiers weren’t inside the garden. They were just outside the garden. They weren’t in parade formation yet, they were just milling about.

He and a group of men from the army were all there. Wow! Some were Sikhs and some were Gurkhas. I waved at Majle Chaachu and tried to get his attention, but there were a lot of voices and some shouting going on and so I couldn’t hear anything. He couldn’t see me – there were too many people. He didn’t even look in my direction when I shouted – he was so engrossed. The crowd was increasing in size and I could see the soldiers also, there were a lot of them.  

And then there was a whistle and a loud sound and a hush fell over the crowd inside the garden. We also went silent. I think the army parade was beginning? Yes, that must be it – I reasoned. But then I looked – the soliders were all assembling in a line. Yes, maybe the parade was starting. I clutched my friends in excitement.

“See that?” I said “That’s the parade. Its happening. I was right!”.

And sure enough, the soldiers started to move in a formation, till they all gathered at the entrance / exit of the garden. Oh, so the parade was going to happen just outside the garden entrance. Wow! Had I known about it, we wouldn’t have entered the garden. There were no other exit points – now we would have to wait, until the parade was over.

There were murmurs from the people. I looked at my Majle Chaachu. He had a rifle in his hands – wow! What a nice, gleaming weapon it was. All the soldiers were now holding nice, gleaming rifles in their hands. I remembered when Majle Chaachu had brought the rifle home, how I longed to touch it and hold it. But I couldn’t. and now, there it was, bright and gleaming and Majle Chaachu, handling it like a proud soldier. How could Grandpa object to something so brave?

And yes, I think the parade had begun. Every soldier was now holding a rifle in their hands.

“Look!” I told my friends. “See how the army has formed a circle at the entrance? I think this is some sort of drill, that is what they call it. I think they will be doing something today. We are so lucky, we are getting to see an army parade or a drill!” I puffed up my chest in importance, at having a foreknowledge that my friends didn’t. They knew about Majle Chaachu, of course.

And then the murmurs in the crowd began to grow. We didn’t understand what was happening, but the crowd was starting to move and push in all directions. There were some shouts and people were replying but it seemed there was something amiss. The men who had earlier asked us what we were doing here, were also trying to leave. One of them looked at me and said “Leave! Now!” There was a lot of urgency in his voice. Then he was pushed away. They were all looking at the soldiers and they were all getting agitated.

I did not understand.

“Stay together” Gulshan panted “There’s only one exit out of here. Let them go. We will be crushed if we are in the way.”

He was right. Though I couldn’t understand why people couldn’t wait till the drill was over. Maybe it was that there was no other exit and they would have to stay and watch even if they didn’t want to. Selfish people, I thought.

And then I heard someone scream. It wasn’t the sort of thing that I heard everyday, we used to speak Punjabi and Hindi and we had our own dialects and also some broken English, but what I was hearing now, was a very fine brand of English. A loud voice, speaking very clear unaccented proper English. Roaring, in fact, just the way I used to hear our Grandfather roar.

We all turned in that direction. And yes – I could see him. He looked different from the rest. Majle Chaachu had told me his name – said he was the Brigadier General of their army. Brigadier General, what an honour! The head of the army, the one who directed the troops in battle. I tried to remember his name – but I couldn’t. He was the one who had shouted. I could see he was quivering with anger. I didn’t understand – what had happened?

I searched for Majle Chaachu’s face in the parade – I still thought it was a parade – and I couldn’t place him. I looked at the petrified faces of my friends and I gave them what I thought was a reassuring smile.

But I wasn’t understanding what was going on. And I was beginning to feel uneasy as I could feel the sentiment in the crowd.

And I looked at the panicked faces of the men and women around me – gentle people who had only gathered for God knows what. Why were they panicking? Wouldn’t this drill get over in just an hour’s time? That is what Majle Chaachu used to tell me – these drills get over in an hour. They couldn’t manage to wait an hour?

And then in one single moment, everything changed. The mood of the crowd changed. The mood of the soldiers changed. Because what I heard next – the unbelievable deadly thing that I heard next, caused the very depths of my soul to quiver in pure and unadulterated terror.

But it was too late. There was no time. No time for action. No time for thought. No time for anything, anymore. Just one realization that I had in that moment – about why my Grandpa was so enraged about Majle Chaachu joining the army. Even at that small age, I had that paralyzing insight. But it didn’t matter, right, because I wasn’t going to grow old, anyway…..

And so the last thing – the very last thing that I whispered – was an apology to my Grandpa, for criticizing him about his behaviour towards Majle Chaachu.

And the last thing – the very last thing I thought – was that I would never ever get to celebrate Baisakhi ever again.

And the last thing, the very last thing I saw – was the Group of soldiers take aim with their rifles – and finally I saw – Majle Chaachu was amongst them. His rifle seemed to be pointing towards my heart, a heart that had already broken before the hailstorm that would follow.

And the last thing, the very last thing I heard – was the voice of the Brigadier General, ah yes, I now remembered, “Reginald Dyer” was his name, as he barked out just one word, to the soldiers standing outside my favourite Jalianwala Bagh, in his stentorian voice:

“FIRE!”