Akbar, Birbal And The State Of The Nation

Akbar was cavorting around with his numerous wives and concubines in the Jannah. After all, he was one of the richest rulers in the history of the world. He had earmarked one day in the month for Birbal, his best friend who with his wit and wisdom would enthral him intellectually unlike his wives or concubines. Birbal had been to India on a month-long visit and Akbar was all ears for Birbal to hear the latest stories from India.

Birbal looked tired and Akbar asked him if it was due to the jet lag. Birbal shrugged off his question and asked should he begin with the good news or the bad news. Without waiting for Akbar’s answer, he said he would mix the stories and started the narration.

B: “First the good news. Dynasty rule has truly ended. Exemplified by the latest election results in Bihar."

A: “Bihar?”

B: “Bihar: The erstwhile realm of the Mauryans; the golden age in Indian history. Now the congress is left only with history. Geographically it has shrunk a lot. Got all its arithmetic wrong. And in so far as English is concerned, people in state after state are putting full stops to it. Biologically it is fast becoming endangered and in a state of suspension chemistry wise and inertia has taken over ‘physic’ally speaking. One could say it has failed the subjects in this country."

A: “That was a good play of words Birbal,” as he was inserting a juicy paan in his mouth.

B: “It is amazing that a form of monarchy is taking over through the instruments of democracy. Indeed, it is a good thing that people get to vote. But nothing more beyond that. India stands lowly in freedom index with a score of 142 among 180 nations."

A: “Do people remember me?”

“Your namesake is in the news, a victim of the ‘me too’ movement. Times have changed and the women have become conscious about sexual harassment. Here you are romping around with women one each a day,” chuckled Birbal.

“Apart from that, there is a road named after you in the capital city. The people are led to believe that the Mughal dynasty looted the country.”

“What?” exclaimed Akbar. “Don’t they know that per capita income in my rule was 1305 USD and it was the fourth highest in the world following the Netherlands, Spain and Italy?”

B: “Unfortunately history is written by the winners. The ruling party is hell-bent on rewriting history. They kind of hate Muslims and want to establish the Hindu Rashtra.”

A: “I can’t believe this. Tell me what is the state of the economy? Is India among the top 3 richest nations in the world?" 

B: “The answer is really bad news. Although economy-wise India has reached the 5th biggest economy in the world, her per capita income stands below neighbour Bangladesh. In terms of Human Development Index India stands a lowly 118 and in hunger index scores poorly at 102 among 117 nations.”

A: “OMG!! Don’t tell me it was all due to Moghuls.”

B: “One erudite Tharoor informs that it was the British who ruled India after the Moghuls who looted India. When the British established the East India Company, India was contributing nearly 23% to the global economy. Poverty was unknown and by the time British left India, the country has become one of the poorest.”

A: “But, accusing Mughals of looting is totally unfair. We lived in India and became one with India.”

B: “That is how things are today in India, your majesty.”

Silence.

B: “But the funniest part is that the current PM talks of achche din aayenge and people believe him. The Finance minister talks about green shoots in the economy while the RBI informs that the country is under a technical recession for the first time in history.”

Akbar had become quite speechless and Birbal continued.

“The current regime wants to establish the Ram Rajya with his birthplace Ayodhya to be made into a Vedic city.”

Akbar as if awakened from a reverie “isn’t the Ramayan a mythology?”

B: “Indeed! The citizens are deeply entrenched in mythology. During COVID times the government replayed the Ramayana and Mahabharat in the television and the citizens were lapping up the show. Never mind that millions of poor were marching back to their homeland at around the same time.”

A: “Was there anything the country known for?”

“That was a good question. The PM had pitched yoga to the global citizens who were twisting and bending to his call. Apart from the traditional hatha yoga, Ashtanga yoga, new styles like the Bikram yoga, Butt yoga were being practised. Yoga mats and yoga fabric sales was a growing phenomenon.

Further, Indians are exporting their caste system to wherever they were migrating. In about 30 years from now, every sixth person in the world would be Indian.

Indian origin people were also capturing power in the world. There was Kamla Harris as vice-president of USA. In England, two of the most powerful ministers were of Indian Origin. There was a minister recently sworn in New-Zealand government from the Indian origin.

Mukesh Ambani was now the fourth richest person in the world.

One can continue in pride in the glory of India. All of this has been made possible since the new government came to rule since 2014,” reported Birbal.

Birbal said, "I want to conclude my travelogue with my last few days at the capital. The winter gloom had enveloped the city by way of the smog. That even the festival of lights, Diwali, could not dispel. I am told that so was the case in many parts of your ex-realm. I was rendered breathless by the particulates in the air. You die if you breathe and you die if you don’t as well. If this was the case with capital citizens, I can’t imagine the state of citizens in the rest of the country.”

Akbar was stunned but managed to ask Birbal, “why all this to our beloved country?”

“Jaisa Janata vaisa Raja (like the people would be their king)” observed Birbal, after all, they chose him to lead the country.

Akbar could not bear the narrative anymore and told: “humour me, Birbal, before I go into depression.”

Birbal quoted a two-liner “A nation of billion people hoped

Carted away by two bulls, doped.”

And the friends departed.