A Letter For My Dad

Dear Dad,

I am writing this letter to you with a heavy heart and tearful eyes. It is my birthday today. I missed you so much and I know that you have sent me your blessings from heaven. I always cherish my childhood memories with you, Dad. In my mornings…when I get up and look at your face, I feel strong and ready to face the world. Your affectionate smile gave me confidence. Then getting ready and going to school with you. My nights…when I listen to mythological stories and folktales from you and fall asleep peacefully on your lap. I never had any nightmares because you were there as my guardian angel. As a kid, I believed that you are a Superman who would protect me from every evil force on earth.

I remember how you used to take me to the hospital for daily antibiotic injections for 5 or 7 days whenever my Tonsillitis gets worsened. As any child, I preferred to hide or run away from painful injections. So it was a difficult task to get me treated for my frequent attacks of tonsillitis. But Dad, you managed it so easily. You would promise to buy me ice creams or sweets or chocolates. I would agree as I am fond of sweets. On the way, we would get in a tea shop and have my favorite banana fries along with ‘white tea’ (I never realized that it was only milk with added water!). After that, both of us would climb along the narrow pathway going towards the hospital. We would talk like friends, listen to the chirping of birds and enjoy the beautiful view of mountains, trees and the blue sky. You would pluck colorful tiny flowers and place them on my small palms when my face would brighten up with joy. We would collect small pebbles and beautiful feathers on the way.

You would share jokes or humorous anecdotes and suddenly I would realize that we reached the hospital. I would get anxious but you would hug me and reassure me. After the injection, on the way back home, you would buy me chocolates and we used to play or simply sit on the benches in the park. I miss those days of pure joy and happiness shared by us. I miss our friendship Dad! I want to relive those awesome moments of my childhood which I shared with you. You were a cute bundle of love, a precious gift given to me by God for which I am ever thankful to Him.

I remember how you encouraged me to participate in various competitions in school. How could I forget my first participation in a music competition as a small kid? You taught me a good song. But when I stepped onto the stage and glanced through the audience, I lost my self-confidence.

After singing the first two lines I stopped singing due to anxiety and fear. When I came back home after accepting defeat, you told me: “Nalini, you are a good singer and according to me you are the winner. Don’t worry about the competition. You should focus on your goals and don’t accept defeat. Keep trying with confidence. One day you will conquer the world with your melodious voice”. Your prediction proved true for me. I am a well-known singer now Dad…And also an All India Radio artist for both ghazals and bhajans. Dad, I remember your words: “If you sing a song or write a poem or draw a picture, maybe nobody appreciates it or nobody likes it but that is not relevant. It made you happy and you enjoyed it that is all that matters in life. Think that you are singing, writing or drawing for yourself. Dear child, don’t forget that talents like singing, dancing, drawing, acting, writing etc are gifts from God. Not everyone is lucky enough to get those blessings”. For me, there was no looking back after that.

I have participated in so many competitions like dance, drama, singing, quiz, poetry recitation, writing (poems, stories, and essays), drawing and painting both in schools and later in college and Medical College. Most of the time, due to blessings from God and you, I came out as a winner. I used to bag either first or second prizes. I remember the pride in your eyes and the affectionate smile on your lips when I bring home trophies, prizes and mementoes awarded for District, Regional or National level competitions. I have also been selected for the National Merit Scholarship when I was in 7th Std.

When you got admitted for Pneumonia in the Medical college hospital, I was so upset and felt scared to come and see you. Then I was a student of 8th Std. When I visited you one day, you told me: “Nalini, you just see those medical students and doctors. Do you know how dedicated they are towards the patients? They save people’s lives from serious illnesses and accidents. They are like incarnations of God on earth. So, my dear child, I wish you to become a doctor. I wish to see you walking along these corridors wearing an apron and putting a stethoscope around your neck. I am sure that being an intelligent student, you would live up to my expectations. You would become a doctor, no? For my sake….?”-I felt so sad seeing your tearful eyes. I held your hand and promised you that I would study well and become a doctor.

Dad, today I am proud to say that I became a good doctor and a dedicated medical officer in Army. I have saved many lives from death. Patients and hospital staff remember me even now. They quote my example for being a friendly doctor with compassion, kindness, affection and sympathy. So I have fulfilled your dream. But my beloved Dad, you were not there to see my achievements. The cruel fate snatched you away from me when I was a student of 9th Std. I shudder to think about that cursed day when you were brought home in an ambulance as a dead body. You were a well-known writer, singer and orator. You had gone to preside over a meeting when you suddenly collapsed and left us due to a massive heart attack. When my uncle brought me home from school, I was shocked to see your lifeless body lying on the floor.

Lamps were lit and religious texts were being read for your noble soul to rest in peace. I embraced you and cried my heart out. For a moment, I wished that you would get up and hug me saying “Don’t worry child, it was a joke!”-But that was a cruel joke given by fate for me. Your hands were not holding me anymore. They were cold and your eyes were closed forever. I missed the endearing smile on your lips and your warm hug. When your body was taken for cremation, I felt a searing pain in my heart as I didn’t want to get separated from you. You were my mentor, guide and true friend.

Dad, you remember the day when you punished me for the first and last time? You were our English teacher in school. That day the whole class was punished by you for making noises, shouting and insulting a new lady teacher. For the first time in life, I saw you angry with the students. Otherwise, you were a gentle and soft-spoken teacher. You explained the importance of decent behavior, culture, respect and good manners in our lives. But Dad, you knew that I was innocent. Still, I received beating with cane on my hand from you along with other students. I felt so sad and couldn’t control my tears. ‘Why me? Why was I punished for no mistake from my side? Dad knows that I am a good girl’….I was thinking and I cried a lot on the way back home. When we reached home, you called me. But I was hurt and annoyed with you. You held me close to you affectionately. The beating had left a red mark on my palm.

Dad, remember how you touched my palm softly and your teardrops fell on my palm? How could I forget those precious moments which had a great impact on me? Anger and irritation just vanished from my mind. There was no more pain in my palm. The healing touch and loving tears from you did the magic. When I ran into your embrace and you fondly caressed my head, I became a small kid once again. Your inestimable love surrounded me like a warm shawl on a cold winter night.

You taught me to fold my hands and pray to God in bad times for guidance and in good times for thanksgiving. You instilled faith in God that made me feel strong and optimistic. You are the one who taught me that I can get the best solutions to my problems by believing in God and praying to Him.

Beloved Dad, words are inadequate for saying thank you for being my father, for teaching valuable lessons of life, and just for being there with me in every thick and thin. You played with me like a kid, gave advice like a friend and protected me like a bodyguard. The bond between us was unbreakable and your love was unconditional. You worked day and night to make our lives better. You sacrificed all comforts just to create a firm foundation for our lives. Heartaches, disappointments and losses are part of our lives. I knew that I will never be the same again after your sudden death in my childhood. But I learnt that love never dies. I want you to know that I feel your love whenever I am depressed. Your arms were my shelter when I felt sad.

Your melodious songs wiped away my anxiety and stress. Your hands lifted me when I fell down. Holding your hand, I walked along the pathway of life. After you left me in a stage of darkness and indecisiveness, it was your diary that guided me in which I was described as a gift by God and a treasure more than a daughter. I couldn’t control my tears when I read those lines. You were so proud of me. Then I decided to embark on my journey of achievements. Starting from the Gold medal at the state level for scoring the highest marks for Malayalam for 10thStd, I have many awards and accolades to my credit, thanks to you Dad...

I remembered your words: “Life is a journey. You have to move on. There may be many obstacles. You may find thorns also along with roses on your path. People may insult you, laugh at you, criticize you, make you feel inferior or make fun of you. But you know very well about yourself. So just listen to your heart and move on in your life with confidence”. Dad, I am following your advice to date.

      Dear Dad, I will keep writing letters to you as it gives me relief and happiness. I just don’t want to believe that you left me for your heavenly abode and you are no more with me. You will always be in my heart because, in my heart you are still alive. Your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. Thank you for being there every time I needed a hug to share my joy, or a patient ear to listen to my problems or a shoulder to cry on.

You are a guardian angel who is always with me, protecting me from hardships and encouraging me to achieve more success in life. Dad, keep blessing me from heaven. I am always your good girl…. loving and kind to others….showing compassion to the downtrodden and empathy to patients with terminal illness….being a true friend to colleagues and friends….showing respect to elders….giving a smile and reassurance to erase the sorrows of depressed persons…I will continue this journey of life following your footprints. I know that when my feet are tired or injured due to stones and thorns on the way, you would be there to carry me like God.

A father’s influence in a daughter’s life, as a source of support, encouragement and strength, shapes her life giving her self esteem and confidence and making her a winner. As a small child when I looked at the star-studded night sky with awe, it was you who told me the memorable words: “Reach for the stars. You can achieve your dreams if you are determined. Believe that nothing is impossible for you!”- So I am pursuing my dreams and continuing my journey of life with determination and confidence. I believe that ‘Behind every great daughter is a truly amazing dad’.

You are my Amazing Dad!

I love you and miss you always!

-Your Loving Daughter.