A Dilemma

Dear Papa,

I always carry those photographs with me. I never part with them. I keep them with me.You remember those photos papa, right?. Everything is alright here. But Papa I am unable to forget that incident. Somebody running with a gun behind you just so that you are dead.

Papa, I exactly want to know minute to minute what happened that day. Did you, on the spot, just fall down?What did you do?How did it happen? Where was your dead body lying? What was your expression? Were your clothes torn? How much blood went? And if somebody has clicked your dead body’s picture ….with the blood because the photographs I have are the photos after you were cleaned. You were wrapped up in a sheet. That is what I want to see, exactly at the last minute what had happened.

I know you are wondering why I want to know all these details. Because I want to feel the suffering you went through Papa . For hours and hours I just sit down and see your photos. I still remember exactly that date, time and place, You and Mumma were killed at our Home.

Papa, why did you and Mumma choose to go to that Protest before one day in the first place? Papa, I was just a child. I remember, I was in grade five. I was leaving for school in the morning. I was coming down the stairs. You and mumma were slightly ahead of me . Two people standing near a scooter on left of our house. They suddenly took out guns from a bag and they started sh…..shooo…….shoooting. You immediately shouted “Run inside!” So I ran up the stairs. After 15 years, till today I fight with myself for this. I should not have run back. I should have been with you. I should have become your shield just like you had been mine forever.

They,…….. right there, …..downstairs only….they started shoo……..Shooting………………..

“MY FATHER passed away right on the spot”. Mumma you were still alive. Papa, I want to tell you that Our so called “Coward for-ever” Ammaji, showed so much bravery there, hats off to her. She saw you lying dead. Immediately she picked up her Daughter-in-Law and cried for help. But, after some days she also lost her life in the hospital I believe… in the surgery or I don’t know what happened.

The only thing I remember was going to you and kissing you and then something like a tear came out of your eyes. I don’t know medically what it was. Then Uncle wiped the tears. Mumma you know, Ammaji told me that “we are taking you along, but you are not to cry.” And because I promised her, I didn’t cry till you were………………. You were cremated . I became an Orphan Mumma.

MUMMA, You were angry with me on that day for not having breakfast daily. You scolded me,”I won’t come to pick you from school today.” And then Mumma you didn’t come. “Maybe, If I had finished my breakfast, You might still be here.” That’s why from that day, without skipping a single one, I do my breakfast in the hope of seeing you again one day. I have become a reputed surgeon now Mumma.

“Avantika is very rash, She is crazy. Even as a teenager, I was a topic of discussion, Papa I still remember, Once I was fall asleep and some elders of the family criticizing me, and I could hear them and I was pretending to be asleep, because I didn’t have the courage to confront them and say, “I can hear you”. I still remember that family union in summers, all the family went there and while walking in the garden, I said, “I am missing Home a lot”, One of my relatives retorted, “ What home you are talking about, What Home do you have?”. Papa, Iam an Orphan.

Papa, you remember, We used to have an ambassador car. One day, I was sitting at our home, and a car arrived and then I got up that you have come………. But then I realized

“Papa hasn’t come………YOU cannot come.”

Papa, You remember those fun, happy moments when you throw me in the air and that trust, that leap of faith, I miss you papppa. Iam angry with you pappppa. You have left a very big vacuum inside me and that too forever. I don’t think I can love any one the way I have loved you………even neither my sons.

I'am totally yours daughter Dadda. You remember, I was extremely possessive about you. I couldn’t even share you with Mumma also. I used to keep telling everyone,” When I grow up,, I'am going to marry my father.”

Papa, after That day, if anyone asked me, “What do you want to be, when you grow up?” I would say,” I want to kill those people who killed my Parents.” I have to kill these people anyhow! Come what may, I have to avenge my parents.If I met the killer at that time, even as a child,even if I couldn’t do anything, I would have wanted to kill that person.

Today this man is lying on my operation table and all the surgeons have referred to me in this case in order to save him. What should I do dadda? What should I do Mumma?. Even if I let him die, Nobody will question me.

This is nature’s justice, Right?.

I know what your answer, your advice would be. I know what both of you would have said to me at this moment. But papa I lost my childhood at the age of ten. I Lost everything, he hasn’t lost anything…It should be me who decide here na…I will do anything to take everything from him…nothing doing! He should be behind the bars because I lost my parents, I have lived with that…he should be behind bars and “why put behind bars? hang him!”.. Mumma I'am still wearing that pendant you were wearing when you were shot dead and the blood is still intact in it. Till I'am alive, I will not get it washed

………………………

I met his parents

I have seen my grandparents crying for their children. I didn’t want another couple to go through that kind of pain. My parents are not coming back but, With only doing my job perfectly, if somebody’s family can be saved from that pain then why not?. I have seen his family suffering. It was just like a replay of what happened in my family. His mother told me that he has been punished enough by the god.

Okay papa okay mumma…… You Win. I saved him. Because I am YOUR DAUGHTER Dadda.

I hope Papa Mumma, both of you would be proud of me for this.