Yearnings

All my life, I've yearned

For things I cannot name.

For moments to take down

My pretentious act and present

Myself, for who I really am.

I've breathed very little,

And suffocated so much more,

The fowl stingy odour

Of self deprecation consuming

Me, little by little with every

Passing moment.

All my life, I've yearned

For times to stand still,

And look terror in its eyes.

To find myself in a crowd

Of known and unknown names

And not feel the tingle of

Anxiety ripping through my skin.

All my life, I've yearned

For that one second,

Where I'll feel loved

And not laughed at.

Being the clown for the

People you tag as 'friends'

Isn't easy, I've learned that.

I hate being interrogated

For not smiling at times.

All my life, I've yearned

For another quick glance

At something as pretty

As romance.

The passionate kind.

The one, where things are

Dramatic, almost at the brink

Of tragedy.

Where a hand is always there

To hold me when I'm weak,

And a shoulder to carry me

When I'm burdened by myself.

All my life I've yearned

For a life that I've never lived.

A balance between everything,

Less chaos and more smiles.

For love that wasn't meant to be

Mine,

For eyes that were meant to empathize

And not glare with darkness.

Desires are surreal,

And all one can do is

Manifest.

And manifestations don't

Realise.