Thorough

A blink takes me back,

To the time where smile was the entity,

That we used to hold onto,

And love was the shield,

By which we used to spare all.

As I blink my eyes open,

All I see is red,

And my hands drowned into the same.

What did I do.

It's a feeling of pain,

Severing right into the centre of my heart,

And drenching out all the joy that it held with grace,

Gravity of numbness adhering my soul,

As I fall into empty space.

In fear I shut my eyes tight,

And all I see are eyes staring at me,

In pain, yearning, weeping,

Protruding silent screams.

Fearing this more I open my eyes wide,

Only to see myself with an evil grin,

Spearing tongue,

Stabbing words as weapon,

And assisting myself with only lies.

Fear grasps a tight hold onto me,

I cant move, a helpless brat,

Bragging pride outside,

But a mere timid shivering being inside,

Unable to fight through the truth,

And falling into the hands of dark shadows.

What have I become.?

Teardrops fell like rain,

I stood there observing the pain,

Which savoured all the outsides and the insides,

Fists clenched and moist eyes.

Nails digging the palms and blood pouring out,

But feeling less painful than it did in the heart,

Staring at my own eyes full of doubt,

A timid soul wishing to mend

Mistakes not knowing where to start.

Drowned and lost into darkness,

Stabbed by despair which I myself caused,

Striving to search for an answer,

I concealed myself for sometime and paused.

Only by knowing pain,

One understands what love is,

And by causing pain,

One understands what affection is,

And by going through both,

One understands what

It is to feel the hurt that reflects back.

Experiencing these, one grows up.

Knowing that it is a waste of time,

Sitting there in the black and making bad worse,

I got up with a heavy heart to make it sublime,

With a smile to wash off all the life's curse.

To Atone is to be Freed of oneself.