The Three Words I Don't Say

Couldn't say those three words

So stayed on the phone a minute longer

Repeated my 'How are you's' a few times too many.

Poured in all my desperation and hoped some of it oozed in that one 'okay'

Forgot 2 syllables could only be a straight line, incapable of holding anything in.

Let my finger hover over the red button

Because I know 'Bye' means a lot less to you than it does to me

Glad how you haven't made it a full stop out of habit.

There's always that one last sentence, and then some more.

Maybe they are our three words, just stretched, twisted, entangled and stuffed with too many others in between

I'm counting on you to recognise them, nevertheless

Pick them out of my rambling

Hang them pretty in your night sky

I promise I'll see them twinkling all the way from here.

I'm all your awkwardness folded inside out

All your blunt edges sharpened to bleed 

I'm your beautiful hands from twenty years ago,

Just buried cold for microbes to feed.

I'm not you- never you!

How many times have I said it already?

But sleepless nights

Aren't you the warmth of my arms hugging me steady?

It's a blur really, our silhouettes against the sky

No telling which one's trying to fly

But you let me step on your shoulder- you always do!

In My flutter I hope you catch that 'I love you'