Suicidal Thoughts

Nights are long without her by my side. Her voice and steady breath use to comfort me as I slept. Just knowing she was there made me feel safe. Now I am filled with anger in the day and full of sadness at night. I wish she was mine but she needs her to name. I wonder if she misses me as I miss her, probably not. Tears run down my face like a race to reach the floor. My dreams which were once peaceful are filled with horrors and nightmares. she was my shield in the night...my peace of mind. Now she'se'sent and I am scared to close my eyes. Oh, how I miss her warm hugs and soft embrace. She was my light in the dark when I was lost. when I was ready to slip into the darkness and let its cold embrace take me. Then she showed up so bright and beautiful the darkness wouldn't dare touch her. She reached out and gave me a gift. A bamboo leaf. I saved it and held onto it for dear life.

But She's gone now and the leaf has weathered away. The night embraces me once again whispering in my ear and filling my head with thoughts I dare not speak of. I wonder if tonight will be my last night if the nightmares will finally be over. I hope she knows I lover her and that I am sorry I wasn't strong enough to keep fighting. Please forgive me...

(These were my last fighting before I attempted to take my life. But I struggled and fought to see the light one more time. there is always a reason to live even if you can't see it yet.)