living stones

I .

why is it that often

nowadays [I] feel like

've forgotten the

outline of your face.

 

didn't [I] promise that

'd never forget you

no matter what atrocity

life threw at me.

 

where is the woman who

said she'll come one

evening when this

nihilistic void beneath

myskin has consumed and

left behind nothing but

{emptygrave}.

 

how could I not understand

that you desired the love

of a woman, and it wasn't

forbidden or unnatural.

II.

I thought words'd suffice

to express what I felt

that open hearts bleed

more than a crucifixion

 

i remember being

vulnerable, honest

and feeling dead

rats scramble about

in my stomach

 

yet I don't

miss those

pangs of

jealousy

silent hatred

insanity pulsing

through my

veins

 

maybe its the scotch

talking, but I can

say it aloud: I

never loved you.

III.

all my fears

are here now

dancing in gay

madness adorned

with masks of

emotions I've

Ceased to feel.

 

run, run, run

says the

Voice

in my head

lest they

Shoot

ya in this bed

where you lie

upon

corpses of your

(Pup)pets.

 

can this pill

save me now

like it did all

those years ago

on a night that

death

strangled my

throat

as I tried

to scream in

Ecstasy?

 

let this rhythm

of your black

heart run wild

and devour me

in the throes

of a ruined

orgasm called

Insecurity

'cause your 'love'

will surely erase

this version of

"Me".

IV.

sometimes you wait

and don't pray for

things to work out.

 

you give up on stuff

and then life comes

through.

 

at least that's how

i thought until now

but as the days

escape

despair lies in

store, with blue

steeled claws,

hiding in the

brilliance of a

thousand paper

moons.

 

who knows

what the fuck

are we even meant

to do on this

planet 'cause

purpose is a

shitty excuse

to keep on

living.

V.

I once read a meme featuring

the minions. it went -

"my internet was down was

for 5 minutes, so I had

to talk with my parents.

they seem like good people."

 

at the age of 16, it

didn't feel real to me

and I laughed aloud.

 

not because it'd take

technology to 'cause

disconnect in a family.

 

maybe something like

"youfuckingwhore!"

or all the slaps, kicks

(openthisdoorbitch)

and punches and cutlery

(whoschildisit)

hurled by someone in

drunkenStupor

(yeah blame the liquor)

veiled by the evenin's

shadows could be

responsible.

 

or when a relative

ends up with their

organ in "you"

and the child inside

diesrotsbreaks.

 

or just two people

who are fundamentally

indifferent to each

other, 'cause they were

robbed of "life".

 

maybe gadgets and gods

and AI/ML and devils

are easier to explain

and justify than

domesticabuse,incestrape,

mentalissues,abortion,

trauma,addiction,death.

 

that's why we humans

love to believe in them.

 

VI.

he came in

through the window

and shook her like

an 8.9 earthquake

on the Richter scale.

 

yet her body felt

like runny sludge

from a toxic canal.

 

it didn't matter

whether she could

ever come to trust

'nother person ever

again, she had to live

- he thought.

 

her nipples scorched

vagina torn apart

anus oozing warm

semen

abdomen and belly

carved with heinous

blood clots

jaw dislocated

left eye gouged out

nose shattered

- his brain yelled

"why didn't they

kill her?" on

repeat.

 

seeing his daughter

in such miserable

plight, he smashed

the bright kerosene

lamp and held her

hand as flames burnt

everything away

inch by inch.

 

VII.

a luscious high dark laughter few

strokes and then comes the orgasm.

science says porn is bad for your

brain. that instant rewards flood

neurological circuits with dopamine.

 

yet you're not happy at all.

you go at it again and over

till that pack of tissues or

lube runs out.

 

you started out vanilla,

hooked onto incest and bdsm.

soon you're left climaxing to

beastiality or infants being

raped and beaten to death.

 

maybe you're trying to forget

some metaphorical emptiness, but

it's all hogwash 'cause you

weren't loved by your parents

or felt smothered by them.