living stones
living stones


I .
why is it that often
nowadays [I] feel like
've forgotten the
outline of your face.
didn't [I] promise that
'd never forget you
no matter what atrocity
life threw at me.
where is the woman who
said she'll come one
evening when this
nihilistic void beneath
myskin has consumed and
left behind nothing but
{emptygrave}.
how could I not understand
that you desired the love
of a woman, and it wasn't
forbidden or unnatural.
II.
I thought words'd suffice
to express what I felt
that open hearts bleed
more than a crucifixion
i remember being
vulnerable, honest
and feeling dead
rats scramble about
in my stomach
yet I don't
miss those
pangs of
jealousy
silent hatred
insanity pulsing
through my
veins
maybe its the scotch
talking, but I can
say it aloud: I
never loved you.
III.
all my fears
are here now
dancing in gay
madness adorned
with masks of
emotions I've
Ceased to feel.
run, run, run
says the
Voice
in my head
lest they
Shoot
ya in this bed
where you lie
upon
corpses of your
(Pup)pets.
can this pill
save me now
like it did all
those years ago
on a night that
death
strangled my
throat
as I tried
to scream in
Ecstasy?
let this rhythm
of your black
heart run wild
and devour me
in the throes
of a ruined
orgasm called
Insecurity
'cause your 'love'
will surely erase
this version of
"Me".
IV.
sometimes you wait
and don't pray for
things to work out.
you give up on stuff
and then life comes
through.
at least that's how
i thought until now
but as the days
escape
despair lies in
store, with blue
steeled claws,
hiding in the
brilliance of a
thousand paper
moons.
who knows
what the fuck
are we even meant
to do on this
planet 'cause
purpose is a
shitty excuse
to keep on
living.
V.
I once read a meme featuring
the minions. it went -
"my internet was down was
for 5 minutes, so I had
to talk with my parents.
they seem like good people."
at the age of 16, it
didn't feel real to me
and I laughed aloud.
not because it'd take
technology to 'cause
disconnect in a family.
maybe something like
"youfuckingwhore!"
or all the slaps, kicks
(openthisdoorbitch)
and punches and cutlery
(whoschildisit)
hurled by someone in
drunkenStupor
(yeah blame the liquor)
veiled by the evenin's
shadows could be
responsible.
or when a relative
ends up with their
organ in "you"
and the child inside
diesrotsbreaks.
or just two people
who are fundamentally
indifferent to each
other, 'cause they were
robbed of "life".
maybe gadgets and gods
and AI/ML and devils
are easier to explain
and justify than
domesticabuse,incestrape,
mentalissues,abortion,
trauma,addiction,death.
that's why we humans
love to believe in them.
VI.
he came in
through the window
and shook her like
an 8.9 earthquake
on the Richter scale.
yet her body felt
like runny sludge
from a toxic canal.
it didn't matter
whether she could
ever come to trust
'nother person ever
again, she had to live
- he thought.
her nipples scorched
vagina torn apart
anus oozing warm
semen
abdomen and belly
carved with heinous
blood clots
jaw dislocated
left eye gouged out
nose shattered
- his brain yelled
"why didn't they
kill her?" on
repeat.
seeing his daughter
in such miserable
plight, he smashed
the bright kerosene
lamp and held her
hand as flames burnt
everything away
inch by inch.
VII.
a luscious high dark laughter few
strokes and then comes the orgasm.
science says porn is bad for your
brain. that instant rewards flood
neurological circuits with dopamine.
yet you're not happy at all.
you go at it again and over
till that pack of tissues or
lube runs out.
you started out vanilla,
hooked onto incest and bdsm.
soon you're left climaxing to
beastiality or infants being
raped and beaten to death.
maybe you're trying to forget
some metaphorical emptiness, but
it's all hogwash 'cause you
weren't loved by your parents
or felt smothered by them.