IMPORTANCE OF LOOKING BUSY

The importance of looking busy

Is that you don’t need to. Paradoxically

Looking busy, convincingly; can be more

Tiring than actually being busy

So, why do it? It can be a deceit

That you have intention and planning

When you don’t. I have that problem

Reading books. The intent, the desire

Is real. Something in my mind rebels

Stamps its feet and say, “don’t wanna”

No reason. The result, move on to another 

Book, another exploration, another reject

Is my brain too full of 70 years of knowledge

Scraps and snippets of knowledge? Probably

In that case, it needs a spring clean; a reassessment

Of what stays; what goes. Simple, huh?

The process awakens something primal;

What are you doing, digging in my past?

Begone. Welcome, you are not! Dare you

Desecrate all that I have collected, bits of

Myself? It re-awakens guilts of decades ago

They still have teeth; would-haves and should-hav

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Flood the consciousness - threatening to deluge it.

You find your voice from amongst all the voices

And proclaim: “all this has happened, it’s in the past

What are you (whoever you are?) doing, throwing all this 

In my face?” Exposing me to feelings that should be long dead?

You belong in the past. Don’t taunt and flaunt yourself to me

I have enough challenges and obstacles, without your input

I paid the price and learned the lesson. Yes, there are still

Fragments of it that lay dormant should I stray. A cleanout?

It will be my choice, my decision; with or without your assistance

Yes, my brain is too full, 70 years of experience and knowledge

Fills rooms, takes space. “Should” and “ought” mean nothing in here

Every memory was stored for a reason (can’t remember why now)

Every memory was stored for a reason. Can I detect their meaning?

Maybe it’s the difference between a happy ending and the other sort