Forgive Yourself

I don’t remember how to cry anymore, or how to be vulnerable and not being needy at the same time.

I see and unseen people, fearing to be seen. 

Veil my house mirror not see the person who is tired of putting up to everything.

I laugh at stupid jokes, just to hear my happy voice.

I look at the sunrise, only to search for blues.

I wipe my tears with a paper plane, flew them off, that maybe one day they will leave me.

Sometimes I see myself at metaphor or paradox maybe, only to make believe that I still belong here.

The other days I inflict pain and call it love, to justify every sin I commit, maybe that I’ll breathe easy.

And for all those days, I beg for forgiveness.

So, I forgive my eyes,

For not seeing the sun in her face, the constellations bulging out of her freckles, the nebulas Bursting in her deep pupils.

Forgive my ears,

For not listening to the melody of her strange songs, her laughter and wheezing past cold breezes or the cracking voice, for the last time you held his hands.

Forgive my tongue,

For not tracing the path my heart was too afraid to walk onto, to words and promises who speak no Language.

Forgive my sense of smell,

For not smelling smoke out of his burning body, his soul decaying, his brain rotting.

Forgive my skin,

For shedding away every piece of it which was ever touched by him, every scar he gave and burns, that still rest on his chest like a freshly lit cigar smoke in his lungs.

Lastly, I forgive myself!

And you, you forgive yourself,

Because you were not the one they couldn’t love, maybe they just couldn’t love.