Bee, That Left

Every night before I wrap myself in the moonlight, I whisper your name, loud and clear, to let my heart hear, what it has always wanted to.

I go past every moment of that day and recollect went wrong, again and again, like a loop, constantly buzzing in there. 

Then I wonder about the bee that left its home in search for nectar, about fallen autumn leaves in my backyard, that old lady who died waiting for her lover, and I realise it, every day. 

What losing is, that how scared I was of losing, how difficult it was for me, to say, “I never wanted to lose you, but it never meant that you couldn't lose me”.

 And I stare at the dark and when finally I feel numb enough to not feel anything, I whisper my name, loud and clear enough, to just believe that I'm still alive without you. 

And that I'm still breathing