Expectations
Expectations


Different Kinds of Expectations
Lingering thoughts that we pursue and contemplate on becoming the building
blocks of our world. Cemented in attachment, we keep erecting the walls of
desires around us eventually finding ourselves completely trapped with no
escape doors. Expectations are not just what we have from others or what they
have from us. They are of three types in fact, and all three arise when we fail to
drop the thought that seeded it in the first place
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From Self
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The expectations we have from ourselves are at the root of our grief. We expect
ourselves to be disciplined, calm, together, always caring, and so on. But when
we procrastinate, get angry, indulge immorally, or act selfishly, somewhere we
feel guilty. Even if no one was hurt or harmed in the process, we still feel bad.
Primarily because we have certain expectations from ourselves and we failed to
fulfill them. The troubling thing is that not all these expectations are right. Most
of these have been handed down to us by our society, teachers, parents, peers,
religion, and so on.
Based on your education, samskara, upbringing, your social circle, and your
professional life – all of which play an important role in your conditioning – you
expect yourself to be a certain way before others. You have set for yourself
certain benchmarks and standards derived out of information passed onto you in
many forms; normally based on the religion you practice and the company you
keep in addition to other social and personal factors.
When these expectations, the ones you have from yourself, are not met, they
give birth to shame and guilt. You feel low and tormented. In a state of as much
denial as disbelief, you feel miserable and lost. You eternally stay buried under
these expectations, the majority of which is a big load of rubbish. With mindfulness
you can filter them, keeping the ones that strengthen your consciousness and
make you a more compassionate person.
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From Others
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Our second big load of expectations comes from our relationships with others. We
justify the expectations we have from others believing that we rightfully deserve
to be treated a certain way; whether it is in the form of reciprocation, love,
things, words, or gestures. Based on all that you have observed and absorbed, all
that you have been told and taught, and all that you feel you have done, you
desire a certain outcome, often favourable. Because you feel what you desire is
legitimate, just, and natural, you add to the bur
den of expectations. The beauty
and love in most relationships get crushed under the weight of expectations. If
the two partners in a relationship could lower the expectations they have from
each other, love in such a relationship will only flourish.
Expectations put pressure on the one you expect from, all the while increasing
your own burden of expectations. When these expectations are not fulfilled, they
give you grief and disappointment proportionate to the magnitude of your
expectations. Make a list of all the people you care about and what you
expect from them. When done, know that they expect just as much from you.
You relinquish yours and with your purified energy they will accept you the way
you are, gradually lowering their own expectations of you. That’s how nature
works.
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Others From You
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Anybody you know has some form of expectation from you. Even those, whom
you don’t know but are connected to you in some way, somehow expect you to
be a certain way. Your priest, government, fellow-citizens, strangers on the road
– they all expect you to be a certain way. If you accidentally bump into a
stranger, you are expected to apologize. You are expected to dress in a civilized
manner. These expectations are there so that society remains in order, but the
world doesn’t take it too kindly if you break them.
You are under constant pressure from peers, bosses, friends, and family. You
have laid your burden on them and they have laid their burden on you. Whether
or not you fulfill their expectations, just being aware of the fact that they expect
from you is generally sufficient to stress out most people. Expectations disturb
the tranquility. I am not saying they are good or bad, or that you should let go of
them. I’m simply bringing to the fore the impact expectations have on people’s
lives. From the perspective of a meditator, an expectation is merely a desire we
are holding onto. Our ego thinks we must see through this lingering thought.
When ego clings to a desire, it transforms into an expectation.
When we are unable to let go of our thoughts, some of them become emotions,
and then we attach emotions to our desires and expectations. This is where a
thought is transformed into a potent force nudging us to take action. Emotions
are the giant killer waves that knock the surfer off his surfboard. They influence
the nature of and intention behind our actions. And action, I may add, is the final
stage of thought, for the life of thought ends where the action starts.