This Rebel Heart

 I know you only said one picture but trust me it will be worth it. This is more of a narrative of how I’ve felt through my mind the past year. There’s been lessons, twists, turns, anger, sadness and much more. This time hasn’t been easy for anyone but for me it's felt like the world has been on my shoulders and it won’t budge. This connects to an important development and a key point in my life. I would like to apologize in advance for going “off rubric” here but I want to be graded off of my own strengths, my creativity, and what I actually believe is me. This may be unusual coming from me but living up to standard is really overwhelming as that’s what we categorize each small subset in school. It’s called a “standard” and that’s what we follow. Most of us seem to get the worst grade when we believe in what we write, and I believe it's those standards that hold us back. This is still a memoir as requested but I’d like to see as you’re reading a chapter of the tale of Jonathan Emmanuel Lozada. I believe in what I'm typing here today, As authors are the best at their craft by following themselves and not what others believe they should be. I’m no know it all but when it comes to my feelings and helping others I feel in my own right I’m the best at what I do and no one can take that from me but myself. The many I’ve helped with my words saying I’m wise and smart but It’s not that. I love helping, that’s what I do. No one hands me a script and tells me what to say or do. Well here it is the short 2020-2021 Chapter of me. Let’s call it: This Rebel Heart.

January 25th 2020, It had to be one of the best days of my life. How could it not be. I had attended my girlfriend's birthday party and I also spent it with a friend I see as a brother: Bruce. He’s an amazing person always looking out for others and knows how to make everyone laugh. If you’d ask me now if I’d take it back now knowing what happens next I’d still refuse. It’s only but a lesson that life throws your way and you learn from it. You become smarter, wiser, and more mature. Holding the person who I thought was my world in my arms was the next best thing to anything to me. Having that person by your side is a feeling you would trade nothing for. Getting to swim with them and messing around them is something that will never leave mind until a new memory emerges to clear it. I wouldn’t have known a year later it would all be gone but it was good while it lasted. After the party was over we all waited upstairs for our parents to pick us up, and ironically one by one everyone was leaving but my mom had yet shown to do the same. She was running late because she had to watch the grandkids and needed my dad to step in for her while she picked me up. Soon enough it was Me, her, and her 2 friends. I was staring out the window because it's something I like to do while gazing at my surroundings. (It's pretty peaceful) She came up to me and put her head on my shoulder and looked out the window with me, asking whatcha doin. It was a nice moment as it surprised me and calmed me 

at the same time. I was thinking wow what an amazing person to be with, I couldn't ask for a better day. Soon after this my mom called and said she was waiting outside. So I got my coat and went to leave, but she pulled me back and kissed me. Then I was given permission to leave. With a smile I gladly did just that, I went downstairs, through those doors, and into my mom’s car. I had been a bit reckless earlier by jumping in the pool with all my clothes on. (Yes, even boots and belt.) luckily my friend  Clayton had some spare joggers and I borrowed them. My mom asked me what happened to my clothes and I just settled for a simple “They pushed me in”. After this we drove home, I took a shower and I went to sleep that night feeling like the luckiest person in the whole entire world. The day after was the Royal Rumble pay per view and what an amazing one it was. The main take away from that night was the return of the Rated R Superstar Edge. The crowd was counting down to Entrant number 21… 3, 2, 1,... And the buzzer sounded off. On the PA system you heard “You think you know me”. The crowd was going crazy including me even though I was at home. After 9 long years Edge had returned. He had broken his neck 9 years back and was stated to never compete in a wrestling ring again. That moment taught me a lesson that anything is possible as long as you work for it and you can’t let anybody hold you down. The next night on Raw he had this shirt on that said “GET GRIT”. Which in my words meant that you have to persevere through everything no matter the odd. If he had the Grit to get through what he did then each and every one of us should be able to do the same no matter what the situation. I was like a kid staring at candy in the candy store, staring at him as he made his entrance on Raw. This phrase Get Grit would be something I help close to me and The thought of Edge and those words helped me get through a lot. The next few weeks of school I was pumped, blaring Edge’s theme song through my Earbuds and feeling every moment and step I took. Skip about a month and a half later, and boom. Covid had hit and shut down almost everything. We got our stuff from our lockers and was told it was going to be 2 weeks or so

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but those 2 weeks turned into 6 or 7 months and for me It’s been almost a year since I’ve properly walked the school halls. I thought everything would be fine between me and my girlfriend but when dust came to settle she just quite actually disappeared. My mind was stressed, the end of the school year was near, work was harder and I had no one there to really talk to like I talked to her about things besides Bruce. You could imagine one person could handle but so much stuff, so I left That idea of Bruce alone. Sooner or later I talked to Bruce about everything and he was the one that held me up for the rest of the school year. Friends started to catch on and chimed in to talk but with my shrouded mind I wanted to hear none of what they were saying. Hearing all the negative things they were saying about her and that she was gone I just didn’t want to believe it. I’m a goody two shoes of sorts when it comes to feelings, and people. Also I never give up and that’s why I never gave up on her until everything in my fiber was ripped away from me. 8 long months of agony is what it was. Believing new things everyday and shooting others thoughts down for my own good ones. When push came to shove Everyone else was right and I felt so stupid for acting like a fool and throwing their thoughts and help aside. She had moved on and she was gone. But my friends were those who never left my side and had my back. Sure it hurt, it hurt like hell but there’s nothing anyone can do about it. The only thing to do is get up, dust myself off, and keep going forward while not 

letting a damn soul knock me off the pedestal I deserve to be on. It may be a tiny one but i’ve earned my scar. That taught me one of the worst lessons life has to offer. Rejection, sorrow, loss, and you don’t always get the fairy tail ending you want...A lot of people don’t. You fight for what you want because it’s not handed to you. Over this time is where the “GET GRIT” came into play. My grit is to never quit no matter what even when the odds are obviously against me because I know if I try there’s nothing to be ashamed of.  That Grit helped me notice that what happened with her wasn’t my fault because I gave it my all. Alongside that and the help of my friends a better page was written with fresher ink. Taddle along after those long months We get a whole year later to the Royal Rumble pay per view of 2021. This time Edge was number one and with everything once again against him he pulled through almost an hour and won the match. Sure wrestling is scripted but so is almost everything else, be honest here before you talk about fake and real things. The energy and feeling it gives me is worth a million words. 11 years to the date when Edge won his first Royal Rumble and 1 year to the date (for me) Edge won the 2021 Royal rumble match. It felt to me that Last year was being Re-written but even better. I was going crazy and smiled that he won. This was amazing and better than last year. Skip a week later and we get to my 17th birthday party. February 6 2021. I had gotten a Johnny Gargano logo on my birthday cake and shared it to twitter thinking nothing of it. After singing happy birthday I checked my twitter and saw that Johnny Gargano himself wished me a happy birthday. (For a little back information Johnny Gargano is a wrestler In NXT and he’s amazing at what he does. Every match he has is amazing and you feel the intensity and energy seeping straight through the Tv screen. He’s an amazing wrestler and I put him in my top 3) I was going out of my mind that I was actually noticed by one of my favorite wrestlers. That let me know that even though it’s a small portion of my dream I can get noticed by those who inspire me. It really gives you a boost knowing that those that do what you dream of can acknowledge you. I Got 2 plaques that you can see in the 2nd picture. They’re both from the War Games pay per view that happened in December last year. I got one of him winning the Nxt north american title and one of his wife (Candice Lerae) winning her teams Wargames match. (This plaque also came with a piece of a trashcan used in the match.) I Posted that photo as well and said it was a very Gargano birthday. He liked the picture. I couldn’t have asked for a better birthday and this year had already been re written better than last year. The 2 pictures represent a transition of sadness and anger to happiness and encouragement. This 1 year difference did indeed teach a lesson. The words “GET GRIT” still flash in my mind everyday as it shows me I can’t quit and I have the strength to do anything. Life throws lots of curveballs but we can't let any of them keep us down. It taught things no book, person, or article could teach me, only life and first hand experience could teach me such things. In the first few words of Johnny Gargano’s theme song it says: “Be yourself, can’t be no one else”. And that's where I take this chapter from. The name of His theme song is called “Rebel Heart”. You can only be yourself and let no one alter that. Get Grit sounds like it should’ve been the name of this chapter but I know life will throw a faster and harder curveball my way, so I’ll leave that one for later. We only have one life and It’s in our hands to make sure we live it to the best of our abilities because tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Be yourself, Can’t be no one else