Family Beyond Blood

Pooja was a 27 year old Software Professional working abroad in the US. She was a hard worker right from school days and she earned her Masters degree in Computer Engineering from a US university before securing herself a good position in an organization in California. She was a thorough professional, an over achiever and could never say no to anyone who approaches her for help at work. But she was always super anxious and nervous during team meetings and office gatherings and often wondered why she suffered from such bad social anxiety and low self esteem. After all she was in the good books of all her peers and her boss. Everyone also loved her pleasing personality and helpful nature. 

At home too she kept herself busy with chores. She lived with her roommate who became her only friend in the small town. She was a perfectionist always tidying up and cooking delicious meals when it was her turn. Many times her room mate used to praise her for her cooking skills and dishes she doled out but Pooja could never even take a compliment. She would instead say that she could have done it better and that she will try next time to do a better job. After completing a year she wanted to travel to India and bought so many gifts for everyone in her immediate and extended family - her parents, her brother, her cousins, her grandparents , aunts and uncle. She visited India for a couple of weeks after completing a year at work. When she returned her roommate picked her up from the airport. She was excited to learn about Pooja's trip. But Pooja hardly spoke at length about the trip. She told her that it was a good trip in general and she was happy to meet everyone. But her roommate noticed that there was no excitement in her tone. She noticed how Pooja was happy to get back to her monotonous life in the US and couldn't wait to go back to work the next day itself. 

In a month it was announced that her company was going to be acquired and that all the employees were going to be let go in phases. Pooja returned home with a heavy heart that the job she was so happy to be in was soon going to end. She was in a mental turmoil because her job was her identity, something she was good at, somewhere she could feel proud of herself. She told her roommate about the layoff. Her room mate was understanding and was ready to support her until she found a new role. 

That night Pooja felt like calling home and speaking with her parents. She was speaking for half an hour and after the conversation ended she closed her room and turned off the lights and went to sleep. Her roommate knocked on her door and called her for dinner. But Pooja told her she was not hungry. Her room mate could hear her crying softly but Pooja did not want to talk about it so she left her alone.

The next morning Pooja left a note on the kitchen cabinet to her room mate that she had to be early at work to begin the transition with the company planning to acquire and that she will be late in the evening. That evening when her room mate checked on her about the conversation with her parents, Pooja seemed to avoid the topic. She wasn't ready to talk to her roommate about what transpired between them. The next month or so, both Pooja and her room mate hardly spent time catching up after work as Pooja was super busy at work. Her layoff was in 5 months so she was busy with transitioning. Her room mate too was busy with her work as well. Then one evening when Pooja was driving back home from work, she experienced some bad itch on her left foot. It felt as if something was burning from inside. She managed to drive back quickly and couldn't wait to park her car and get back into her apartment. She thought it must be the nylon socks she was wearing that was causing the itch. She couldn't wait to take off her shoes and socks and when she did she almost screamed upon noticing that she had a deep angry red rash on her ankle with red spots. The rash hurt her badly. She was surprised by it because she was perfectly fine the day before and this appeared all of a sudden making her wonder if she was allergic to something. 

When her room mate arrived she too saw the rash and told Pooja to go see a doctor because it was causing so much discomfort. Pooja got an appointment with a dermatologist but it was a week later. So she had to manage a whole week with the rash. The next day she managed to go to work, but midway into the day she started feeling sick and noticed that the rash soon started advancing up on her left leg almost up to her knee. The rash now was transforming into blisters filled with blood. She could feel as if something was creeping under her skin and it felt warm. Slowly her calf muscles started becoming stiff and she couldn't get up from her chair. She called out from her cubicle to her colleague who rushed to see what was happening. She was then helped by her colleagues and her manager was kind enough to drop her home. Few colleagues stayed back in her house until her roommate arrived. By that time Pooja started feeling sick and weak and was running a high temperature. Thankfully once her room mate arrived, they decided to transport her to the hospital for an emergency checkup. 

Her room mate and her colleagues waited outside the Emergency ward while doctors were examining her vitals and checking on the rash and blisters on her left leg. They came out and told her room mate that Pooja was being diagnosed with Vasculitis which was an autoimmune disorder and that they were running tests to see if her internal organs were affected. Everyone was in complete shock. The doctors had told her roommate that she should contact Pooja's family just in case she does not recover and succumb to the disease. Pooja was administered steroids and her condition began to stabilize. All the tests and X Ray of her lungs came out normal. The dermatologist who was attending to her in the ER told her room mate and colleagues that their friend and co-worker was indeed a very lucky person because someone with such a rare autoimmune disease could have a worse outcome than her. In Pooja's case the vasculitis was limited to her skin on her leg. But he told them that her rash and the blood blisters would take up to a month to go completely. That night her roommate stayed with her to take care of her through the night. Her colleagues left soon.

The next day Pooja with the help of her room mate was transported back to her apartment. She applied for a short term disability for a month. She had enough savings to take care of her rent for a few months and she badly needed a break from the hectic work. Her room mate suggested that Pooja call her parents from India to care for her. Upon hearing the suggestion Pooja broke down and sobbed helplessly. Her room mate couldn't understand why she was crying inconsolably. Pooja then started telling her room mate that no one from her family should be informed about her condition. She then went to explain that even though she was from a big family she often felt alone growing up. That she wasn't her parents' favorite child. The day when she called back home after knowing that she was going to face layoffs at work, the only thing her parents could care about was how she was going to pay off her student loans and that she shouldn't be dependent on them for financial support. They also told her that it was her responsibility to save money for her wedding, as they have spent a lot of money on her Bachelors degree in India and that they had to take care of her brother's education too. They did not even care to ask Pooja about how she was feeling as facing layoff can be a shock. They did not check on her well being in the following days after the layoff too. It now made sense to her roommate about all those topics that Pooja avoided about her family, the drop in excitement of her tone whenever the topic of her family came up. She was now able to understand how much trauma Pooja must have faced growing up in such a family with no love or affection. Her room mate felt very bad for Pooja. 

Soon Pooja's condition started improving. Weeks went by when she was slowly able to walk within the apartment with the help of crutches. The rash slowly began to heal. Her colleagues from work visited her often and brought goodies for both her and her roommate. Her team at work all signed a get well soon card and sent a bouquet of flowers. Neighbors dropped in to enquire about her health. Her room mate took good care of her with all her medications and cooked food for her most of the time. Within a month Pooja recovered completely. Rash was gone and she was now able to talk mostly without crutches. She took an appointment with the doctor for her final check up. The doctor told her she was cured completely and that she did not need any more medication. She could join work soon. But when Pooja asked her why she did get Vasculitis the doctor told her that he was as surprised as her, as she did not have any family history or any specific allergies. But something told Pooja that the shock of her layoff and the emotional support that she did not receive from her parents somehow played a part in this episode. She decided to take matters in her own hand and decided to visit a therapist.

The therapist was an older woman in her sixties whom Pooja instantly connected with. She narrated her story and the therapist seemed to empathize with her condition. The therapist helped Pooja visit specific instances of her past while she was growing up and working through buried painful emotions and helped her to feel and release it. After working with the therapist for a few months, Pooja understood that she was brought up in a dysfunctional and narcissistic family where she was viewed as an extension of her parents, not as an individual. Hence her need to be a perfectionist in order to desperately get her parents approval, the need to always be a people pleaser all stemmed from the belief that somehow she must be at fault to not be loved unconditionally by her parents. It made sense to her as to why she couldn't accept any compliment because as a child the only thing her parents did was to compare her to her friends or her brother and show her they were better than her. Not a single time in her childhood had her parents praised her for anything and that pulled her self esteem so down that she began to feel anxious around people. She developed an inferiority complex with which she struggled now as an adult.That her parents used her to support their ego and fulfill their dreams but that they are incapable of empathy towards her. The therapist immensely helped Pooja negate these limiting self beliefs and slowly the sessions built her self esteem and confidence back. She was also allowed to cry out to get the pain out. She felt safe working through her traumatic past with the therapist. The therapist loved helping such a young person like Pooja, who she sensed was so sensitive and kind hearted. The therapist loved the fact that Pooja decided to help herself. She could instantly empathize with her.

Months passed. Pooja's roommate got a better job in New York and she was planning to join within two weeks. When Pooja heard that she was happy that her roommate found something better in New York, but she was sad to see her only close friend go. Her room mate made Pooja promise her that she would shift to New York after her role here ended and she could look for another job there. Pooja too thought about it. After all, she had only a few months left to transition here at her old job. She dropped off her room mate at the airport and mailed some packages she left behind to her new address. 

It felt odd coming home to an empty house. Her room mate and her used to such fun nights binge watching Netflix and catching up on old episodes of Friends and Monk. They would order Pizza when both were not in the mood to cook. They used to share their work challenges. It was so much fun. Now Pooja did not have any friends in India, but all of them were her school buddies who had already gotten married and settled down. She wasn't particularly close to anyone as she was the only one who decided to go abroad and study and that somehow not many of them could relate to back home in India. She was also not close with her family as well, and she felt it was time she called it quits with them as they affected her health so badly.

Time flew. It was already two months since Pooja's roommate had left for NY. The only other good thing left for Pooja was that she had to meet with her therapist two days a week after work. She really enjoyed the sessions. She was once the last client the therapist saw. That night Pooja stayed with the therapist until after her session as the old woman's car had broken down and she was waiting for roadside assistance to arrive and fix her car. Pooja stayed until her car was fixed as she had nothing better to do at home. They both took a stroll around the complex laughing and chatting about common interests. The therapist then invited Pooja home the next weekend for dinner. She told her that she and her husband would love to host her. 

Pooja was chatting with her old room mate the next day and she was catching up with her old pal about her new life in NY. Her friend and roommate was missing her too and asked her about her plans. Pooja told her that in a month she would be let go from her position, and that she had already applied to a few positions in NY. She told her room mate in about 6 weeks she could be there in NY.She also mentioned to her room mate how she had warmed up to her therapist after she left and that she was invited to her home for dinner next weekend. Her room mate was happy for Pooja that she was finally making some friends even though they were not exactly her age.

The next weekend arrived. Pooja was excited. Dinner was at 7pm. Her therapist's home was not too far from her place. She picked up some apple pie and a box of Ferrero rochers. She remembered being offered some when she first met the therapist. She reached on time and knocked on their door. It was a fairly pleasant day. She couldn't hear a lot of noises from her home. She thought to herself maybe the therapist and her husband live alone. Maybe children and grandchildren might not be visiting them this weekend as they were entertaining her. The door opened and it was both the therapist and her husband. They both warmly welcomed her inside. Her husband offered to hang her coat and they showed her to the living room. The old couple were very entertaining. They all chatted for a while. The therapist and her husband went inside to get her a glass of apple juice and cookies. Smell of roasted potatoes and baked chicken wafted through the kitchen door. It all felt very comforting to Pooja. She couldn't help but notice a big picture of the therapist's family on the wall. She, her husband and a child's photo was hung right above the mantle. All three of them looked pretty young. Pooja thought she would inquire about it later after dinner. As she saw the old couple shift all the food from the kitchen to the dining area, she couldn't sit there and just watch. So she got up and went to help them. The old couple thanked her. Pooja helped set up the table, arranged the silver ware and poured water in all the glassware. All of them sat to eat. Food was delicious. It had been years since someone so warmly served a home cooked meal to Pooja. Suddenly Pooja's mind took her to the last time she visited her family in India a year back, she was treated so badly by her parents who told her that it was not their duty anymore to cook for her even on her visits and since she has started working abroad it was her responsibility to make sure that her parents are cared for in their old age. She could certainly afford to pay for a cook and a driver for her parents in India. All they asked her was how much money she had saved and what gifts that she had brought for them. Tears started swelling in her eyes. The therapist and her husband noticed it. The therapist immediately knew that it was something from Pooja's past that triggered her tears. She did not want her to dwell on that, so she changed the subject. 

After dinner they all watched an episode of Monk and it was already 10pm. Pooja thanked them immensely for a wonderful dinner and prepared to leave. The therapist gave her a warmest hug something she was experiencing for the first time in her life. The old couple waved warmly to her from their porch. Pooja got into her car and started driving home. She was going to remember this dinner get together for a long time. The next week Pooja was busy at work wrapping things up. She also had an interview with the company she applied to in NY. So she missed her therapist appointments for the whole week. By end of week, she had secured the new job in NY and was super excited. She called her old room mate over the weekend and informed her in the next 2 weeks she could expect her. 

The week she was planning to wind up with her therapist sessions as well, as she had plenty of things to catch up with packing and shipping her stuff to NY, winding up on all the rent and utilities. She was going to be busy. She met the therapist in the beginning of the week and told her that this week was going to be the last session as she was winding up everything and moving to NY. The therapist was happy for Pooja as she felt she was healing well from past trauma. She was sad to see her go but she still had one more session with her at the end of week. She told Pooja to keep in touch and that if she needed anything in NY to let her know as she had family and friends there to help her out. Pooja felt that the old woman was showing so much concern for her, something that she had never experienced in her own life before. She felt a strange connection with the therapist as she left for the day. The next day she was quiet at work. Later when she was leaving from work, she got a phone call from a local landline number. She answered it and to her pleasant surprise it was from the therapist's husband who was calling to wish her the best as Pooja was leaving for NY. He even offered to drop her off at the airport when the day came. Pooja thanked him and felt a sudden rush of warmth. She thought about the last therapist session the next day. It was going to be hard to leave her therapist friend. She bought her and her husband some sweaters and gift wrapped them and took it with her the next day to the therapist session. She was the last client so she had a rather long session with her therapist friend. She advised Pooja of what to do in case she felt sad or depressed and that she could call her anytime if she wanted to chat. At the end of her session, the old woman asked her to wait for a few minutes and she went inside the receptionist room to get a bag. She gave Pooja the bag and told her to have it as a going away gift. Inside it Pooja found a beautiful handmade quilt. Pooja too gave her a gift of sweaters for her therapist and her husband. Pooja asked her therapist how she managed to make it. The therapist told her that she had hand made this quilt 5 years back and had saved it for her daughter who was soon returning home from college after graduation. Pooja couldn't understand why she is being given this quilt. The therapist then explained that her only daughter passed away right after graduation due to a heart attack. 

Pooja was shocked. Both teared up and hugged each other. After some time the therapist consoled her that her daughter is in a beautiful place with god and that she considers Pooja just like her daughter. Should she be alive her daughter would be of her same age. Pooja was touched. She knew that the old couple considered her more than just another client. The therapist told her to take care of her health and keep in touch. The whole weekend Pooja kept thinking how much she was going to miss California and her Therapist and her husband. She felt like she was leaving a piece of her heart behind.

The day to leave California arrived. Pooja had packed up her suitcases. Her cab was going to arrive any moment. She had handed over the keys to the rental office. Cab arrived and she got in and arrived at the airport. As she got out and took out her suitcases she paid off her cab and was ready to leave inside. Just then she heard someone call out her name. She turned back and found the therapist and her husband waiting on the platform on the other end and they were walking towards her. She remembered telling them the date and they did enquire what time she would leave, but she did not think they would drive up to see her off that day. They hugged her and wished her well. At that point, she started to get emotional. They couldn't understand. She told them she wanted to stay back in California and look for another job, because she did not feel like leaving the place and more particularly them. The warmth and affection she felt from them was experiencing that for the first time in life, and she told them she wanted to stay close to them and experience the unique bond of fondness they had towards her and she had towards them. The old couple was touched to see that a young woman who is in the prime of her life would decide to stay back just to experience their kindness and their affection. They felt as if their own daughter sent Pooja to be with them. They told her that she shouldn't sacrifice her career just to be close to them. She told them that she considers them family and would want to stay close. They hugged her and said "welcome back home".

Pooja moved in with her therapist and her husband. She stays as a paying guest in their home, caring for them as she would for her own parents and they care for her just as they would for their own daughter. They don't charge her for the food or utilities but she insists that she pay the rent, though they did not want her to pay for that either. It was a happy ending for all three. 

Pooja informed her roommate about her decision who was very happy that her old friend had finally found a loving home, something that was long overdue for a kind person such as her.

Sometimes when god closes one door he makes sure to open another!