The Strings Of Love

Looking at a smaller puppy being cared by her mother, the gentle touch of the mother, the tender way the puppy reacted, the monotonous movement of tongue telling the love between her mother and the smally kid of her. The way she gives her share of food to the part of her heart, the way she protects him from others even the enemy is god in front of her.

I once again watched the time and my smile watching those beings turned into a hurry, in the metro, once again the thoughts started to knock my internal door and I opened way for them.

Mothers are so peculiar beings, sometimes I think they aren't there for real, it is said mothers are there in the shape of angels for us, but I deny this fact. There are several reasons for that but the foremost one, the one due to which I hate my mother is the one, why she left me alone? Why in the world she can be with me like other mothers? But these questions I have no answers nor my father answers.

I forgot to mention today is my 23rd b'day and as usual my father gives me a present connected to my father, from the childhood onwards I look at my b'days differently , I always wait for my b'day to know my mother more, I always wait for this day for getting some black & white photo of her behind it something for me (don't know whether it was written by my mom or papa) but still it gives me confidence to face the world for one whole year. I still remember my 10 the b'day when there was a book on stars which I continuously watched for 2-3 months I slept with it, I took that to my school, even showed it to my best friend Shalini , and we were so engrossed in it that whenever there was any free time we looked at those pictures and tried to imagine ourselves on those gaseous stars, a smile came on my face remembering that. On my 20th b'day there was a letter which left for me, and my dad says she wrote it even before my birth as if she was a magician, a seer traveled in future and known me 20 years before, she knew my mind, my conditions, my thoughts even more than my dad, the letter told -me about my life, how to tackle the ups and downs and enjoy the most, mama sees you from above and laughs with you, cries with you, did you want mama to be crying ? these thoughts make tears started to come out of me and I sobbingly yelled "I hate you, mama , I hate you, ,,,,,,,I hate yuuuuuuu" . I washed my face and paced towards my room to see what my father left for me for this year.

I switched on the music box and my father's playlist started, In the background "Close to you " echoed by Carpenter. There was something in a rectangular box wrapped in pink paper was resting on my bed, I took it on my hand and a paper slipped on the ground, it was written - To my beautiful mama's princess. I shook it up and tried to guess listening to the sound from inside, but I couldn't guess, there was no sound coming. I tore the paper and in a swift pace opened it, there was a very old diary inside, almost 20-30 years old or maybe more than that, pages were yellowish but the writing inside was so swift, beautiful and each word looks like a dance form making slender movements and showing their own charisma, I opened the first page, it was written- "The testamental Elif " master of the 13th floor of the Y Universe planet phoenix33B, below it the handwriting and color of text changed as if somebody else had written it - "I hope you like it, this may give you what you tried to search for your entire life, for me you are like your mother, too obsessive, too naughty, too cheerful , A great lady who even smiled on his deathbed, I see your mother inside you, you are a part of her, be happy always and your smile sometimes confuses me with he , so always smile laugh with your heart out no matter what life offers you"- from your dad to peek through a window of an unknown world, your mother's paradise.

I opened a page randomly in the middle of the diary and started reading-

Shoelaces are a kind of bond which binds so many together, they have a life of their own, I have always thought for bigger things in my life, tried to make the beautiful murals, paintings, designs which no one imagines, but looking all those years after so many years, I find my childhood days were my paradise, I still remember the way I used to get up by my mother at 5:30 am for school, she woke me up and straight away went to make breakfast, till the time she made breakfast, I could'nt even complete my brushing, still in my dreams eating lots of sweets, cakes, toffees with my friends, all of a sudden the shouts of my mom wakes me up -"late ho jayegi, dekh tera bhai tayiaar ho gaya" and she quickly takes me in the bathroom and gives me quick shower then as a machine in automatic pace she combed my hair, attaches clips and helps to wear clothes and simultaneously helping my brother, then we pack our bags with books according to time table and this time I remember that I forgot to do maths homework, but still trying to make a happy face go to mom for our tiffin boxes and water bottles. Sometimes I wonder till now I didn't know how she could tell watching my face the exact things I tried to hide, she yelled at me for not doing my homework, I think that's how the moms are hahaha. Then comes the best part the wearing shoes, she ties our knots and we quickly go out for adventure for today, the evenings with our friends playing very innocent games ..................till now whenever I tie knots of my shoes I still remember my mom, till the time she was with me we argued on every topic, everything it was as if she was right and I was left, completely opposite on everything, but today I smile and cry on each and every petty thing we shared, petty arguments, the talks we had.

Honestly, I will say I cry today sometimes while tying my laces, at that time I embrace all my memories, I won't talk to anyone just with you my dear diary Jessy. I hope these shoelaces could once again bring back those happy days of mine, those days were my paradise, if someone will ask me which is the place you want to go? Or a wish, I will say 100 times to go back to those days and never come back, I know this won't happen but still, I revive those days from my brush and colors, those happy days.

                       Dated:23-10-2010

Tears drop from my eyes and fell on those beautiful letters of my mom, I hugged that part of my mother and words automatically came out of my mind - "I love you mom.............I love you mom mmmm............., I will be the best daughter from today ........" And tears kept pouring out of my eyes...