The Starry Knot

Stephen Hawkings has said, " There's no beginning or end at all." I think there is nothing else that can more aptly explain the existence and the non-existence of what matters and even that which doesn't. It really represents a surreal world of sorts maybe... As Cathy struggled to come to terms with her loss, the world outside of her changed by leaps and bounds. But Cathy is numb to the pain and the agony or rightly said she has numbed it. 

Sheila says Cathy outdid herself this time. While still living through the pain and not living it, she managed to acknowledge to herself of what it is that she really feels, yet, without really being able to articulate it to any of us. That's Cathy. Surrealism personified. Or should I say that is what she became eventually? No... maybe she was always like this and it is only now that we started understanding her. Gosh... It's really confusing... Finding the real Cathy. 

While I am making this failing effort to understand her a tad bit more, I am transported to a desert-like territory that unambiguously marks its coral existence. I bask in the crescent, dim, moonlight holding the coral sand of time in my hands. As the sand drifts away from my fingers I suddenly realize how tightly I was holding it. And then, in that transformative moment, the starry, dark night; starts to appear more beautiful. 

I feel the placated edgy mushroom top mountains around want to speak to me. They probably have lots of stories to share. They have probably witnessed eons of changes in and around them. Changes in the people, the places, the governments, the weather, the desert animals and the snakes and the camels, and anything that one can think of. 

Maybe they also know the changes that Cathy is going through right now... Maybe they will help me understand.

Just then Keya comes over to me and holds my hand. It's a star that I named on my 25th birthday. Life used to be so different then... I remember having gone with Cathy for a night over and we had seen this star together. Sheila was also there with us. 

Today, I wish I had named it Cathy. 

That way I would have still been able to see her.

I would be able to hear her fun-filled laughter and the sound of it that filled any room she was in. I remember how she would vivaciously move her head up and down while laughing and how she laughed at the stupidest things. Once started, it was sometimes difficult to make her stop. Mostly, I remember her fearlessness to be able to do all the innocently crazy things without being bothered about who is looking at her and what someone will say about it. That's what I love most about Cathy. 

Somehow I always felt she had no boundaries at all... in a nice way! As Mr. Hawking explains about his stance on the end and the beginning, " There ought to be something very special about the boundary conditions of the universe, and what can be more special than the condition that there is no boundary?" Cathy lived that way.

I am happy that she did.

Because from where I see today, the world really seems to be dead and I know for sure that she made a difference to all that was and all that wasn't!

From where I see today, she will always make a difference.

Keya agrees with my observations and just told me that Cathy is really happy ... As happy as she could be! 

And what is nice is that there are so many out there... happy... because of her. 

That's what makes her my special friend. 

And Sheila's too... 

And now... Keya's.