The Self: manhood and sin

I woke up late one night to take a pee. Immediately After the refreshing act, I dashed straight to the kitchen for a drink (water). It was right there I heard sounds of someone crying. It was dad. 

He was facing the wall, praying and crying softly. I have never seen dad like this before. He looked heart broken, like a monster stole his candy. 

I heard him say words like. "Lord I don't want to go to hell. I wish to be a better father and a good husband, Teach me how to stop my manhood from dragging me to hell. 

His words didn't make any sense that night. Manhood? Why does it make him sin? and why couldn't he control it? Even though I was just 10, I couldn't stop thinking what all that was about. 

I UNDERSTOOD what he meant as I came off age. I now KNOW, and feel what he MEANT, perfectly well. 

I must confess I promised never to be like dad, Even though I now find my self waking and saying almost saying the same words I heard him saying that night.

Many times I wonder in my head, how can a person control a body and mind, that was designed to sin not to sin. 

How do I stop myself from doing the things I want to? Mind you, this are the same things I wish not to do. 

It is helpless fighting. Myself always win.

This shit is messed-up.