THE SECOND LOVE

Everything was as usual; she entered the hostel gate on her scooty as she had been doing for the past seven years. She knew each brick on the narrow path to the hostel premises, her scooty would navigate this distance even on autopilot. She reached her room, parked the scooty and unlocked the door. She looked at the upheaval on the bed and the dirty utensils stacked in the corner. Ignoring the chaos, Sunaina felt tired. She kicked her shoes and jumped onto the bed. Closing her eyes, she realized she was feeling drained. She closed her eyes and contemplated the events of the day.

Today she had woken up early, in fact, she recollected that she had hardly slept last night, she had prepared for her Ph. D. viva voce examination going through her powerpoint presentation several times. Sunaina realized she didn’t remember the exact sequence of how her presentation unfolded. She only remembered the moment when she had heard the claps of other research scholars. She did remember the moment when her supervisor had congratulated her. This moment was surprisingly vividly frozen in her mind. She let her mind stop with the image of her supervisor.

Sunaina continued to lie in bed, it was already dinner time but she was in no mood to go to the mess. Her mind continued to play several moments of her seven years stay in the University during which she had completed her Master’s and Ph.D. There were moments of both joy and despair in her mind’s memory arsenal. At this point when she realized that her academic journey was going to end, she felt no remorse for all those moments which had given her pain. She realized that even the painful moments had some kind of latent joy. It was during this cinematic flashback of thoughts her mind suddenly stopped once again when a memory of her supervisor suddenly came in front of her eyes. It was today that she felt how much an influence he had had on her personality. Sunaina rubbed her eyes which were now moist with tears. She found it hard to decide whether those tears were of joy or sadness. Sunaina lazily stayed in bed when her mind played back the kaleidoscope of her memoirs, accumulated in her brain while she had traversed the life’s journey from an adolescent to a young woman. Her thoughts were jolted when her phone rang. Sunaina understood her folly even before she had seen the name of the caller. In the journey of her thoughts, she had forgotten to call her parents.

It was her father who talked to her in the beginning. If indeed her father was not happy with Sunaina for not calling them when she had come back, he didn’t show any anger. Mr. Das doted on her daughter and today was a proud moment for him. He didn’t talk much except congratulating Sunaina on her determination to complete her Ph D. In the couple of minutes that he spoke, it was hard for him to control his emotions. Sunaina felt the emotional tremble in her father’s voice while he spoke on the phone. She too felt weak in the knees. Mr. Das handed the phone to his wife. Sunaina’s mother started by congratulating her daughter but she didn’t mince words when she commanded her daughter to give a serious thought to all the marriage proposals she had been sending to her ever since she had completed her thesis. Sunaina heard the volley of instructions from her mother without saying a word. It was after a five-minute monologue that her mother closed the conversation.

Sunaina continued to remain in bed but her thoughts changed abruptly. The events of the day and the successful culmination of her Ph. D. defense found a place in a far recess of her brain. Her thoughts catapulted her to the trailing WhatsApp conversation which was going on between her and her parents for the last couple of months. Since the day she had submitted her Ph. D. thesis, her mother had been pestering her to go through the matrimonial recommendations which she was continuously forwarding for Sunaina to see. On her part, Sunaina had till now used the excuse of her pending Ph. D. viva voce examination to wriggle out of difficult decisions but this evening she understood the tone of her mother’s conversation. Sunaina, resigned to reality, knew she had to commit to the pressures of nature’s evolutionary design. She remembered a lecture of her supervisor where he had explained how every living system must procreate fulfilling the Darwinian purpose of life. Sunaina picked up her phone and scrolled the messages sent by her mother which included names and biodata of two boys whose parents had shown willingness to Sunaina’s profile on the matrimony site.

Rakesh Raj’s profile had all the ingredients of an eligible bachelor. His biodata exclaimed that after completing B.A.(Hons) from St. Xavier’s College, Kolkata he had done MBA from Indian Institute of Management, Kolkata. Presently, Rakesh was an executive with the Federal Bank posted in New Delhi. There were two photographs that accompanied his profile. One was a long shot from a foreign location and the other was a close-up bust view. The face did not excite Sunaina’s eyes but viewed in conjunction with the next entry on the biodata, his personality looked good. The biodata mentioned that Rakesh was getting a per annum package of Rs 80 lacs.

Sunaina closed her eyes and tried to visualize her life when she would be married. Her last seven years in the hostel had made her an independent bird. She had become habituated to late night movies and web series. She would habitually sleep till late mornings and would seldom cook. She realized that in the last couple of years she also did not want to go home during summer vacations. Marriage and that too in Indian scenario was akin to a dignified prison for the female. Sunaina had listened to several tales of her seniors about the restrictions imposed by in-laws. She shuddered. Sunaina’s mind was cooking up hallucinations of a demon trying to kill her. The phone slipped out of her hand and her eyes drooped. She fell asleep.

It was at around ten in the morning that a dreary eyed Sunaina again continued her tryst with the mate selection exercise dictated by the options provided by her mother. She opened the second matrimonial profile in the WhatsApp message of her mother. Sudhir Majumdar’s biodata did not start from the usual academic qualifications. It started with hobbies. Sunaina found this approach to life rather strange but infectious. The first three lines on the biodata detailed the hobbies which included music, reading English classics, Chess, Cricket and evolutionary biology. Lower down on his biodata there was a mention of Ph. D. in Economics. Way down it was mentioned that Sudhir was a Chartered Accountant by Profession and worked privately having an office in New Delhi. As an attachment to this word document was a photograph of a young man laughing his heart out with an ice cream in one hand. Sunaina realized that by the time she was done with the one-page biodata, she was smiling.

In the weeks that followed, Sunaina got the necessary clearances from the University and vacated the hostel room. For logistical reasons her parents had suggested that she go to New Delhi to live with her aunt for some time. Sunaina found the pampered stay in her aunt’s house dull and boring. The care and the attention went against the idea of free will to which Sunaina had become so accustomed in her hostel life. Everyday her mother would call and coax Sunaina to decide on the matrimonial suggestions. Her mother provided Sunaina the phone numbers of both Rakesh Raj and Sudhir Majumdar and prodded her to start WhatsApp conversation in an effort to see who suited her best. As part of their recommendation, Sunaina’s parents were too much inclined towards Rakesh. They wanted Sunaina to somehow accept their suggestion but didn’t want to be dictating their choice.

It was eight in the evening when Sunaina mustered the courage to say ‘hi’ to Rakesh Raj on WhatsApp, signing off with ‘I am Sunaina’. Her heart beat a bit faster. In the last seven years that she spent in the University, she had many male friends and Sunaina never felt awkward or intimidated in one-to-one conversations, but this experience was different. Sunaina was embarking on an uncharted territory.

What started as a benign ‘hi’ had culminated into a daily routine within fifteen days. Thus, Sunaina felt no hesitation to say ‘yes’ when Rakesh implored her for a dinner date at the Taj Palace. With her adrenaline in overdrive, Sunaina met Rakesh on a reserved table. With all those lengthy WhatsApp chats behind her, Sunaina didn’t find it difficult to engage Rakesh in conversation. The food, the ambience and the setting all exuded opulence but Sunaina found Rakesh a bit dull in showing male derived dominance, a hallmark of nature’s mate selection strategy. He seldom laughed. In between dinner there were at least a couple of moments when he excused Sunaina for urgent business calls. While Sunaina and Rakesh walked back to the car, Sunaina’s dress caught a pebble and she stumbled. In reflex action Rakesh held Sunaina’s hand but swiftly released it as if he had done something wrong. A feeble ‘sorry’ escaped his lips. Sunaina found this attitude a bit weird.

In the next few weeks, Rakesh took Sunaina out for dinners regularly in some of the most happening places in Delhi. Almost invariably Rakesh would bring expensive gifts. Sunaina felt impressed with the show of affluence. On several occasions when her mother asked her on phone regarding Rakesh, Sunaina would invariably talk about the lavish and extravagant lifestyle of Rakesh. Since her parents were more than willing to accept Rakesh, Sunaina’s silent admiration of Rakesh’s wealth was construed as a silent yes to the marriage proposal.

While her parents were pretty delighted to sense that Sunaina was happy with Rakesh, Sunaina spent hours contemplating a life with Rakesh. Despite the exuberance of money which Rakesh never shied in flaunting, Sunaina felt a sense of void when she tried to connect emotionally with Rakesh. It was during a pensive moment that Sunaina remembered her mother had sent her two matrimonial references; she also remembered the interesting biodata of Sudhir who was a Chartered Accountant. Without giving it a reasoned thought, on an impulse, Sunaina sent a ‘hi, Sunaina here’ message in Sudhir’s WhatsApp number.

Sunaina received a reply within five minutes. Sunaina noticed that in his reply Sudhir had introduced himself but had also added a small heart emoji after the message. Even on the first day, their WhatsApp conversation lasted forty-five minutes. Sunaina took note that Sudhir was very eloquent and his conversation was frequently laced with humour.

Sunaina slept late that Sunday. When she woke up, she saw a message from Sudhir. He had sent a ‘Good morning’ message. It was just after five minutes when Sunaina had got online that she received a call. It was Sudhir. Sunaina was not prepared to talk to Sudhir but on a strange impulsive instinct she hit the receive button. Sudhir’s way of greeting brought smile on Sunaina’s face. In between the evolving conversation Sudhir mentioned that for the one last hour or so he was constantly waiting to see when Sunaina would come online. What innocuously started as a greeting conversation lasted for half an hour. Sunaina felt fresh after talking to Sudhir. She realized his humour was infectious.

Within two days, Sudhir had called Sunaina half a dozen times. They met on a dinner date in a bistro. From the time Sunaina met Sudhir, she was floored by Sudhir’s conversation. While the food was simple, Sunaina feasted upon a deluge of topics ranging from nuances of Indian classical music and the fascinating tale of Ernest Hemingway’s ‘ The Old Man and the Sea’. While Sunaina listened dumbstruck, Sudhir opened new topics which were always better than the last one. Sunaina didn’t realize she had spent two hours. She certainly didn’t pay any attention to what was ordered or what she was eating. After dinner Sudhir came up with the idea that they both take a stroll in the Connaught Place before going home. They walked; Sunaina understood the intent but felt too feeble to protest when Sudhir put a hand around her waist. Sunaina walked the next fifteen minutes without listening to what Sudhir was saying. She was on cloud nine.

While Sunaina was on cloud nine, her parents were already in conversation with Rakesh’s family regarding the marriage proposal. Rakesh’s parents had informed Mr. Das that Rakesh was going to London in two weeks’ time and they wanted an early marriage. While Sunaina’s father tried to ask for more time to complete the preparations, Rakesh’s father told him that they will book the Taj Palace Hotel and all preparations would be outsourced. Thus, time was not a hurdle.

Sunaina again could not protest when Sudhir called her the next morning and wanted her to accompany him for dinner. Tonight, they selected a non-decrepit downtown café. The food was simple but as usual Sudhir was mesmerizing. Sunaina felt a resonance of Sudhir’s ebullience. After dinner Sudhir offered to drop Sunaina to her home. Already hypnotized with the wit of Sudhir, Sunaina meekly sat with Sudhir in his car. The intensity of emotions was such that despite the fear of being late to home Sunaina didn’t want this journey to finish. Intoxicated with romantic thoughts, Sunaina made no protest when Sudhir took Sunaina to his flat. It was one hour later that Sudhir dropped Sunaina to her home. Sunaina was convinced. Sudhir was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life. She decided she would convey this decision to her parents tomorrow.

It was late at night when Sunaina got a call from her father. Mr. Das informed her that they would be reaching New Delhi tomorrow by the morning flight. Sunaina was clueless as to the reason for this urgent programme of their parents. For a moment she tried to think about it but then she saw the ‘Good night’ WhatsApp message on her phone from Sudhir and her thoughts meandered to the evening spent with Sudhir which included a visit to his flat. A far voice in her mind cautioned her that she had already embarked too far in relationship with Sudhir without the consent of her parents but another voice made a convincing statement that everything was fine if she was indeed going to marry Sudhir. Sunaina lay confused. Her mind continuously brought back the images of Sudhir. He was certainly affable.

Sunaina’s parents arrived with an unusual load of baggage. Her mother was brimming with joy when she embraced Sunaina in an emotional hug. Mr. Das stood at a distance savouring the beautiful bonding between a mother and her daughter. Sunaina was perplexed; she had no clue to explain the sudden exuberance of emotional display by her parents. Sensing Sunaina’s blank countenance, her mother broke the ice. In an excited tone she whispered that they have conveyed to Rakesh’s family that Sunaina is happy with the proposal. While Sunaina fought hard to control tears, her mother, oblivious to Sunaina’s thoughts continued that as per Rakesh’s London programme, it has been decided that the marriage will be solemnized on the next Sunday, a week from now.

The atmosphere in the house became lively. Sunaina’s mother and her aunt helped each other with the sweets which Mr. Das had brought. No one took any notice when Sunaina silently slipped to her room, her face fighting to restrain a plethora of emotions. With tears forming a convex covering upon her eyes, she glanced at her mobile which displayed three missed calls. All from Sudhir.

From now onwards there was no difference between day and night in the Das household. Preparations for the wedding extended to wee hours of the night. Rakesh had hired a leading costume designer for the wedding dress. The stitching team had visited Sunaina for exact measurements. Everything was so smooth; Sunaina had no option but to float with the flow. She ignored messages and calls from Sudhir. On Tuesday, finally, she blocked Sudhir.

The wedding was a surreal event. Mr. Das and his close family were just bystanders in that grand show of opulence at the lawns of the Taj Palace. In a gown which flowed several feet behind Sunaina, the bride could be mistaken for a fairy. Rakesh walked with Sunaina under the instructions of the cameramen in attendance. 

The fairytale marriage and the equally extravagant post marriage parties left Sunaina with no time to think about any past events. Even without any obvious work, she was always felt preoccupied. Most of the parties which Sunaina attended were boring to her. She could sense the emotionless hypocrisy of the guests with most invitees sporting plastic smiles.

Time is a big leveler and soon Sunaina adjusted to the life in the fast lane. Rakesh would pamper Sunaina with gifts. It was to everyone’s joy when Rakesh announced to his family that Sunaina was expecting. If indeed there was any respite from the constant adulation that Sunaina was already getting, after the news of pregnancy she was further pampered. Time moved fast, whether it was extra care or a miscalculation, Sunaina delivered a male child, a full one month premature.

Years passed in the life of Sunaina. In the hierarchy of successful entrepreneurs, Rakesh moved to the top rung. The meteoric rise of Rakesh meant that he had even less time for Sunaina and Amol who was now ten years old. Even at the young age, Amol was excelling in extracurricular activities. His interests were fascinating. He would spend hours watching scientific documentaries. On a trip abroad, Sunaina bought Amol a chess board and pieces. Within months, Amol was deep in chess shadow playing the highly documented games between the legendary Bobby Fischer and Boris Spassky.

Rakesh made it a point to be at home on the occasion of Amol’s fifteenth birthday. A big party had been planned for the evening with invites having been extended to the city’s glitterati. It was a rare occasion when Rakesh had opted to spend the full day with his family. It was forenoon and Rakesh affectionately beckoned his son to come to his first-floor office. The first-floor office was a place where normally no one entered. Even Sunaina, as an unsaid tradition, would seldom venture into that room. Affectionately Rakesh seated Amol on a chair next to his and showed him certain documents explaining the importance of each with respect to the wide portfolio of investments he had made. Amol listened to his father with rapt attention. Rakesh then showed Amol the secret vault and the place of the key. For a moment Rakesh opened the vault and showed Amol what was inside. Rakesh and Amol returned to the family room in twenty-five minutes.

The birthday party was a grand affair. Rakesh made it a point to meet each of his guests and also to introduce Amol. A giant fifteen layered cake was cut by Amol under the watchful eyes of Sunaina and Rakesh. The last of the guests left by eleven in the night. Sunaina was tired and so was Rakesh, although he didn’t show it. It had been several years since Rakesh slept alone in his room, this practice started ostensibly on the pretext that he would do late night phone calls and chat with friends from across the globe. Sunaina and Amol always slept together.

Rakesh was an early riser. Invariably he would always wake up at five in the morning and go for a morning walk. Sunaina and Amol slept late. Today Sunaina and Amol slept extra late. Sunaina woke up at nine and went outside. She noticed that Rakesh’s room was still closed. She opened the door a few centimeters and peeped. Rakesh was still asleep. She tiptoed to his bedside and put a hand on his exposed shoulder. Rakesh didn’t respond. She called him by name. A loud shriek escaped Sunaina’s lips. Rakesh was still and cold. She realized what had happened. Frenzy broke out in the house; within eight minutes the family doctor examined Rakesh and pronounced him dead.

Sunaina had no training how to handle matters of the corporate world. Rakesh would never speak about his business ventures and Sunaina on her part felt happy to be far from the complex world of balance sheets and international value of stocks.

It had been more than three months since Rakesh’s death. The first couple of months had been tough for Sunaina with frequent emotional breakdowns every time she saw something connected with Rakesh, but time again provided the healing touch. After three months she had almost reconciled to the loss of Rakesh. It was just after a religious prayer meeting that Sunaina decided to pick up financial threads and understand the vast business ventures of Rakesh. Easier said than done, Sunaina realized this was hard. A friend counseled her to seek professional help.

On the advice from a close family well-wisher, Sunaina walked into the offices of ORCHID Investment Consultants. Sunaina was ushered into a waiting area. It was a good thirty-five minutes later that Sunaina walked into the wood paneled office of the Chief Consultant. The gold embossed name plate on the mahogany door read: Sudhir Mazumdar. Being lost in her own thoughts, Sunaina did not pay heed to the name and gingerly stepped inside the room. The man seated on the upholstered chair was fidgeting his drawer. While Sunaina stood across the table waiting for an invitation to sit down the man turned towards her and looked at her. Sudhir opened his mouth but could not say anything. His heart skipped a beat. Sunaina felt a rush of adrenaline when she saw Sudhir. She felt clueless as to what she should do. A kaleidoscope of thoughts came to her mind. With a transfixed gaze she stood motionless keeping her hands on the table, a gesture probably dictated by the momentary giddiness that engulfed her.

Sudhir gained composure and politely asked Sunaina to take a seat. Despite having an experience of fifteen years in this trade where public dealing is the norm, Sudhir fumbled for words to start a conversation. He said ‘hello’.

Sunaina felt awkward to meet Sudhir’s eyes. A silent tear slipped on to her cheek. She choked. Sudhir offered her water and took control of the situation asking Sunaina what was the problem. It took Sunaina more than an hour to tell Sudhir about Rakesh’s untimely death and her ignorance of business ventures. Sudhir took the papers which Sunaina had brought and personally escorted Sunaina up to the outer gate.

Sunaina returned home in a state of mental riot. She blamed destiny for this chance encounter with Sudhir. In the last sixteen years she had forgotten Sudhir. As she lay down on the bed with Amol on her side, her mind played back and forth the moments when she first saw Sudhir in his office. A distant memory made her realize that Sudhir had not changed much. Despite a few specs of grey hair and a few extra kilos, Sudhir looked much the same. Despite making a conscious effort to stop the flow of old memories, her mind somehow reminded her that Sudhir was still good at talking.

Sudhir was still clueless how to explain this chance meeting with Sunaina. He too found destiny an alibi to interpret this new development. Sudhir realized that despite so much upheaval in life, Sunaina still had that latent charm which she exuded when they dated almost sixteen years back.

There were several more meetings of Sunaina with Sudhir in the next fifteen days. After a couple of subdued interactions, Sunaina started feeling comfortable while talking to Sudhir. At times, out of curiosity, she tried to explore Sudhir’s personal life. Without assigning a reason, Sudhir told her that he didn’t marry. To make further financial assessment, Sudhir asked Sunaina to bring some more papers. Sunaina had no idea which papers were required and invited Sudhir to her house to have a look in Rakesh’s office.

It was a Sunday when the bell rang at four in the evening while Sunaina was playing chess with Amol. With a latent glee Sunaina welcomed Sudhir. Over a conversation which extended for almost an hour, Sunaina showed all the papers to Sudhir. While Sudhir chatted with Sunaina in his characteristic indominatable style, Amol watched with an apprehensive intent. At fifteen years of age, he was well grown up to recognize human emotions.

The next couple of months saw some frequent visits of Sudhir to Sunaina’s house. In the last few months Sunaina had started looking forward to Sunday afternoons when Sudhir would visit. On his part, Sudhir too felt a rising urge to visit Sunaina on lame pretexts of looking at documents which probably had no relevance. There were numerous occasions when Sudhir would delve into topics which would elicit uncontrolled laughter from Sunaina. While her mother hosted Sudhir with usual cheerfulness, Amol felt a sense of betrayal. He abhorred Sudhir for the simple reason that a basic instinct in his mind prompted him that this friendship of his mother was not proper.

It was a Sunday afternoon when Sudhir reached Sunaina’s house. Sunaina was already looking forward to his visit. The conversation today drifted to some past memories. Out of nowhere, Sudhir popped the question asking Sunaina why did she suddenly leave him without any reason. Sunaina didn’t answer at first but her countenance showed that she wanted to say something. After a silent interlude Sudhir again asked the same question. Sunaina couldn’t control herself. It took her a full twenty minutes, amidst incessant tears, to tell the full story to Sudhir.

Sudhir stood from his chair and walked towards Sunaina, he extended his hands and embraced Sunaina.

Amol had been away this afternoon playing football. As he returned home to an open front door, his eyes caught sight of his mother in tight embrace with Sudhir. Amol looked aghast; he remembered his father. Without waiting in the lobby, he ran up the stairs and went inside the first-floor office of his father. He opened the vault and ran down the stairs. Sunaina and Sudhir were still in tight embrace. He could see Sudhir caressing his mother’s hair. Amol pointed the pistol towards Sudhir and fired. The bullet caught Sudhir on the left shoulder blade. He fell down. While Sudhir collapsed, a shriek escaped Sunaina’s throat. She saw her son with the pistol.

Sunaina looked at the lifeless body lying next to her feet. She yelled at her son “what have you done Amol, you have killed your father”.