The Doctor Visit

In 2014 I was told by a gynecologist that I was suffering from poly-cystic ovary syndrome also known as PCOS/PCOD. At first I was shocked and depressed as I had never suffered any major ailments in my life. I was told that my weight was too much and that was the cause of this syndrome. Some women suffer from PCOS but have no problems with their menstrual cycle. For me, the big problem was not getting my period on time. I was 79 kg when I was first detected with PCOS and instead of losing weight the depression and the metformin tablets and the period inducing medicine that were administered to me led to further weight gain and I reached 89 kg in 2016.

By 2016 all my friends were either pregnant or had babies and that led to an increased amount of frustration. Every month waiting outside the gynecologist’s clinic for more than 2 hours was more stressful than ever as I felt the guilt of wasting my husband’s time plus I was irritated by the gynecologist’s insistence on consulting a dietician. I mean I know I am fat and I don’t need to be reminded again and again. If it was so easy to eat healthy, I would have never gained so much weight. Anyway I visited the dietician, started exercising and tried to incorporate some healthy habits which helped me reach around 79 kg today.

The weight loss is slow and the PCOS is still there but my last visit to the gynecologist was an eye-opener for me. She told me that in developed countries people who had a BMI above 25 were not even eligible for fertility treatments and that women came to her lost weight and returned with the news of being pregnant. This was very insulting for me because she made me wonder that does a woman just because she is fat has no right to have a baby? My husband and I informed her that we would not be visiting her anymore and will visit someone else now as she was too far.

To control PCOS it is important to control your stress levels and so I quit my job in April this year, did some yoga and started writing. For me, the biggest stress was the day I had to visit the gynecologist. Waiting forever to speak to her felt like I was trying to meet some celebrity. Looking at all those pregnant women visiting her was annoying and I hated them as they would take forever in her cabin while she gave me barely 5 minutes. After my last visit, it was clear that she cannot do anything and only I could change my situation. So why should I visit her anymore?

The last time I visited her was also a day of relief as I would not wait in those long queues ever again. Moreover, I felt empowered to know that I am the one who is in control and not the doctors. That was the day I started noticing a change in my thoughts not completely in my food habits, but I will get there when I get there. What’s the point of stressing over getting pregnant and then further stressing over bringing up a child? I am now focusing only on getting a balanced mind and body and being happy.