Shades Of Love

My story of Love – “It all starts with HIM!!”

Best blessings and the most challenging lessons come in the strongest emotion four-lettered word of “LOVE”. Few get a chance to experience it, few grow and well some outgrow.

I got a chance to grow in love and grow up with my love Aashish (Ashu). He is the one who is deep down attached to me, to my soul, to my identity, and to my oneness to the truest form.

Being born 10 hrs apart from this soul in different states, little did we know that we were bound to meet very soon. We shared the same school, same building, same classes, similar view from our respective childhood homes, and almost the same friends.

Our bond started off as a typical relationship, where we had our share of fights, miscommunications, angered silences, teasing without realizing that they all are turning and leading us to oneness. A bond of a friendship so strong, that I knew he is always there no matter the situation and circumstances.

One particular memory I closely recollect when Aashish was hurt and I had to make him smile, calm him down and make him perfect. I wrote a note and ran all over the society, barefoot looking around for him. Little did I know, I was opening up my heart and soul for a relationship which has lived through many soul lives and many more to go with ahead in time.

We went through our share of ups and downs, but we were blessed with our own moments in bits and pieces. I recall a school picnic to a water park, while I was lost sitting on a tube and didn't realize that I had got drifted further ahead to the deepest side of the pool. I had Ashu to help me out. As I look back, I still find him helping and pulling me out, as soon as I am about to hit the rock. The most beautiful thing about him is his integrity, commitment, irrespective of us being in a relationship, his selfless and priceless love was and is always intact.

He stood by me when I first decoded Death, when I lost my paternal grandfather, at the tender age of 10. I didn't even know what death meant, and what that loss meant. Being the 26th of January, all I knew was that our annual sports day event had been called off and I was really guilty about it. Clueless in whom I could confide into with the confusion, the awkward silences, mournful cries, and the childish guilt. 

I turned to my then friend Aashish, as he was the only one who gave me an understanding gaze amidst the crowd. Slowly, finding my way out from the crowd and the emotional fallout, I confided in Aashish, how a fellow friend made me further guilty by saying, that why on earth did your grandfather choose to pass away on the day of celebration. He said, “It’s our fellow friend’s immaturity who doesn't mean what he said and we cannot decide the time anyone comes and goes in life. I am with You”

There was no scene of gazing in my eyes, or comforting hug or holding hands. Just pure intended words with complete honesty and pure intent of not leaving his friend alone. I was well comforted and felt so much better. I smiled and felt I have someone who won't yell at how and what I felt about things.

And the series of all my secrets found its way to him....

Little did we know, we had started off another chapter in our lives.

It could be very confusing to fall in love and know that we are more than friends at the age of 14.

I was being guilty of feeling differently for him, and he felt as if he is my best friend and can be demanding of my time, could decide my friends and my study schedule too. We had a beautiful time growing up, like an unsaid pack I already had considered him mine, very naive to understand to name what this relationship meant and what awaited in its fate.

In the world of temptations and being double standards, I never found him to be the part neither of materialism nor in the pool of infidelity.

It could come across as a typical childhood Love story turning into reality, that's TRUE!! 

But the way we dated was very old school and our relationship was purely ON with trust that we are meant to be together. 

While both of us were realizing at the age of 14 that we were feeling different about each other, deep down I was aware it won't be approved. Thinking about my two strict elder brothers, I dismissed the idea of being romantic at all. Aashish came from a big joint family, where love marriage was a taboo and we were too young to decide about being married. We didn't know the concept of dating, there were no mobile phones then, no internet or wifi. One computer was shared by a family of ten individuals. 

Out of the fear of our families knowing how and what we feel about each other, I abruptly stopped talking to him, not for a day or a week but for five long years. We graduated from school and got enrolled in different colleges. He would bunk his college to only be able to see me while I leave for my college. There was never a word of communication, I wouldn't look at him but he would shamelessly and lovingly just stare.

He further went to Pune to pursue his career in Mechanical Engineering while I was in Mumbai busy pursuing my career in Gems and Jewellery.

I would know whenever he would be home because he would be waiting at the same spot to see me come and go. Five years went by with no communication but no change of heart. What we felt about each other was too strong to be moved by getting into any other relationship. We got each other's number after five years.

I called him and wished him for his birthday. He was zapped and couldn't believe his luck.

He was the happiest that day, gave multiple kisses to his phone and partied with his friends till the crack of dawn. He called me the next day to wish me for my birthday and it felt like old times. Later that day my brother came to know that I've been talking to him and I was asked to message him that he must never call again. So I followed and that was the short-lived happiness of two days and two calls.

We weren't talking again for 6 years thereafter.

He came back from Pune post his graduation. This time we connected through Orkut-social networking website. We added each other on messenger and there we started chatting in 2007, after 1997.

The first time he said, he loves me and feels for me on internet messenger window and that feeling and love was so different. This was the trust that we lived, we had options to move on, we had lots of choices but we stayed committed in love and with each other.

We had cell phones and I had my own laptop by then. We started dating but we were living with a lot of restrictions. I wouldn't meet him for too long, coffees, dinners, and movies were a big No. 

We couldn't risk it as if anyone in the family would come to know, it could be messy. 

We were too happy to be connected, we would talk on the phone through the night, email each other, write to each other.

Moving ahead in time and in love, Aashish was further enrolling to go to the UK for higher education and I had started my own line of jewellery by then. I was really not prepared for long-distance this time. I mean life had given us too many years of that and this time I was scared of letting him go far away.

However, he was sure about his choices and he went on to enroll. I was by his side while he prepared to leave. He was in the UK and I was in Mumbai again. This time the vacuum of not being able to see each other almost killed us.

I was 24 then, my family had started hinting marriage for me, and he still needed time.

That phase I saw his growing possessiveness. Initially, I was in awe of that, gradually it started taking up my space. I felt he lacked faith in me and I felt a lot more. We had growing arguments, fights, misunderstandings; we had started missing each other too much to be able to handle our lives now. Exactly according to my FEARS.

His anger was outrageous and my patience was exhausted too. We had to fill in for the missed years and still wait for the distance to end. It became tough. One day I asked him not to call me ever again.

We went through major heartbreak and didn't talk to each other for two years.

He was back from the UK while my parents were invited to his parent’s 25th wedding anniversary celebration. I would avoid meeting him. Coincidentally, I bumped into him at a supermarket. He held me by my hand and I just left.

I went through a phase of depression in life. Realizing that I would absolutely damage myself, I enrolled for ten days meditation course at Vipassana. Post-Vipassana course, I felt more in charge of life and felt being able to control life in a better way. 

I got back to work; health started improving and something within, felt right. While attending jewellery conferences sitting on the first row, his face flashed and something said I had to apologize for supermarket thing and need to just say a sorry.

There I dived in again by saying a “Hi”. He was in a meeting at the bank at that moment and he has no memory of what deal he was making at the bank and with the people there. Everything once again was getting gloomy pink in “LOVE” for us.

Here, we met again and this time very sure of not letting each other go. The only time we met was going for a drive for thirty minutes precisely. We never formally proposed each other, as if we knew it that this bond is meant to be and it was the most natural thing that could happen to us.

Well, I wasn't the only one in depression. He too went through his share of emotional breakdown in those two years.

We saw movies together in the most unique way. He would come with his friends and I would with my family for the same movie, same time, and same theatre. That's the way we could really watch movies together. I am glad that he supported my comfort and never forced me to lie to my family always.

Once he said he wants to watch a movie alone with me, and I was nervous as hell. I said find a way out as I won’t go alone. To my surprise, he downloaded a movie on a laptop, got coffee and we saw our first movie together in a coffee shop. Our relationship was absolutely under wraps.

Everything was going fine; when my eldest brother announced that I had to meet a guy for an arranged marriage proposal and he had given his word. I confessed to my mom and she simply said if you are meant to be it'll work out.

Aashish was furious at our luck and what was happening. We were sure to be strong and the process of meeting the guys began. I was very nervous about meeting the guy, knowing that I wholeheartedly love someone and I just prayed and left to meet and face the challenging phase.

Aashish was at unrest, unsure if we are meant to be and if yes, then how and if not, then why. My meeting with the guy went fine, and I just came back to Aashish to say, I don't want to be with anyone else other than “You”. 

He gave me the strength and hope that we can go through this and still be together. I gathered myself and went through the tough ordeal. I ended up meeting seven guys for marriage and I was happily getting rejected or there was no compatibility.

Finally, my family took a break and I got some time to convince them. Aashish was already celebrating as he knew things would move in our favour. I confided in my mom about how I felt about him and my relationship with him. My mom took a call, she decided and called his family and landed at their place in March 2012.

Aashish's parents were totally taken aback. Now the challenge started when he spoke about us. He was the first one ever to have a love marriage in his family.

His parents followed horoscope and their astrologers suggested that we were not meant to be and shouldn't be married. His mom needed time, and we made sure of not forcing anyone with anything.

By God's grace, they agreed for us to be married. We are now happily married for the last 7 years and have a little princess.

After we were married, life wasn't full of fairy tales, as much as we wanted to spend time with each other and be with one another, we were given a new set of responsibilities and more challenging relationships. I feel blessed to be on his side through thick and thin. 

Love for me was when he never stopped encouraging me while I was trying my hand at cooking. He always helped me in making food for him and never said a no. He never doubted my capability in handling these challenges and kept his trust that I would make relationships work with his family too.

Post our wedding, I confided in Aashish regarding my inner calling to become a Healer. He supported my dreams and let me live them.

He is the only one, who holds the power to make me or break me. He is my best blessing which came true. I know this relationship is beyond time and lifetimes. 

I usually call him and consider him my “Soul”.

I would want to express and dedicate this to my LOVE Aashish, “I am proud of you my Love. I take immense joy in taking up your name and not the family’s name as my last name. For me, your name is the only identity I choose to live on and want to be forever remembered as.”