Give To Get

Forgiving but not Forgetting…

I feel this is a trending notion of people on so-called Inner Journey or Spirituality.

We want to be nice or add a tick in our good karma account that we tend to forgive, as if, we own a creditability for the same.

Most of us, just push their wound or painful experiences down the layers or their mind and label them as forgiven but not forgotten.

This label scares me the most, of all the labels. We are practically carrying every inch, every ounce, every emotion of that incident which tore us apart, every incident which wronged us, engraved in our cellular memories so bravely that we consider it easier to move around pilling up this knowledge of information in our system than the actual forgiveness.

What is forgiveness? I often questioned myself regarding the same. I went down the memory lane and questioned myself when was the first time I forgave, when was the first time I said it's Ok and moved on. I went back to my childhood, of course, it was one of the sibling tiff, which had to be dealt with," I am sorry" and seal with "its ok".

I realized I wasn't ok, I needed more time to play the drama of my emotions, being too naive as a child, discovering the superficial, right and wrong in my head.

I was happy about being right. Happy being right about what wasn't important and still isn't, but something that my ego self feel uplifted and very pleasurable to hear "I am sorry", oh it's almost like ball is in my court and I am going to give it back in the most heroic way of being, “Hey listen, I am really being nice to say it's ok, so, besides the fact that I forgive you, you owe me this one”, as if the other person owes me that I gave him that feel good factor and sealed the wound with my Forgiveness.

How conveniently we dismiss off the apology.

Well, I did, then.

What I also understood while going back to the time was that I was forced to say it's ok, I was forced to say yes we are good. Now while I am grown up, still in transit for dealing with lot more of incorrectly learnt concepts of life, I now understand it's ok to allow yourself FIRST to process the pain, to decide how much energy I wish to fuel to this drama and genuinely say it's ok.

I go by these three-step process of allowing it's ok to come out of me now.

When it's not ok I go within to check, what is it lying in my past memories which weren't OK for me and I have just been the good child and said ok for it for someone else's happiness or approval. I also realized that I had a tendency of playing the classic, FORGIVEN but not FORGOTTEN card. Oh, that was and at times still is the toughest to let go off.

How we are trained to feed our ego, you are right how can you let go.

Hang in there, this feels good. Really?

It doesn't, the sooner you burst the bubble, the easier it is for you.

As toxic it is for just to forget and not forgive. Forgiving without forgetting is equally toxic. It’s like labeling your wound that yes I forgave that person, but oh wow I now seat myself in the room of judgement for that person. This person is so and so.

While doing the inner work I realized that it's very tough to deal with EGO, it just replicated chameleon for me, which can change the color and appearance at any given time. We really need time to time reality check to be in the loop.

While we have forgiven the person and if we are holding back the judgment for this person and incident, it is not forgiven and hence will not be forgotten.

Forgiveness and forgetting come hand in hand.

As humans we constantly evolve, holding back to one mistake, one argument, one misunderstanding cannot be an absolute declaration of that person. Only if we recognize that it’s only EGO that plays the trick, can we eliminate the trick and work towards evolving our own selves.

If we were punished in the school, for whatever reason, we accept, we change or change the system and it's gone from our memory, cause, in reality, we dealt with it.

Kids are more courageous to deal with this than what we adults are.

We diversify from how can this person hurt me, to another tangent of our personalities which really needs some attention and repair work.

Only if we could deal with the hurt, arguments, name-calling or disagreement in the absolute present we would not have much trouble in burying the situations, covering it with the lesson learnt and sealing it with, LEARNT AND DEALT with.

Whenever a situation arises between any two people, they have subconsciously attracted it to their lives for learning and understanding, nothing is right or wrong in reality, we are conditioned to label our ego self.

As much as we feel the opposite person needs to apologise we need to apologize too.

Apologise for being short-sighted to unable to learn the challenges and inviting them over and over again.

Apologize for unable to recognize our strength. Apologise for unable to empower self and the person involved.

Once we address situations in this code way, as humans we love the checklist, don’t we?

Once we do a check list of these thoughts and reality, it'll be a cakewalk to forgive and forget. EFFORTLESSLY.

You decide henceforth after every, I am sorry and It's ok.

What really am I “SORRY” for,

What really is “OK”!!!