Saving A Life After Death...

“Calm down Aman!” The Psychologist said.

“Sit here, and take a deep breathe,” He offered him a glass of water.

Aman took the glass in hand and moved it to his right side in front of an empty chair. After halting for a few seconds, he then brought it close to his lips and drank.

Anupam Nair, The Psychologist, noticed Aman’s peculiar action but then let it go.

“So…” Anupam took his seat in front of Aman, clutched his hands together, and asked, “The same dream, Han?” He took a brief piercing look at Aman, pretending to see something which is otherwise impossible to be seen, “Or is it something else that brought you here at such an odd hour?”

It was pretty early on a Saturday morning- 7:00 AM.

Aman looked quite frightened. He was a 21-year-old guy who had just started working in a company far away from home. But ever since he came here, he was having the same dream.

 He had been visiting the Psychologist for about a month. But this time he looked dead scared.

Aman took a quick sneak at his right side, then trying hard to gather his strength he replied, “It’s the dream… but more than that.”

“I see…” Anupam whispered, more to himself than Aman.

“Well then,” he continued, “Let’s hear it from the beginning.”

Aman took a deep breath and exhaled out making a hissing sound. The two wrinkled lines were visible on his forehead; eyes were widely opened and blood red. He focused his gaze intently at some point on the wall and started from the beginning…

“I am standing on the edge of a well. There is nothing to hold. And a strong current of wind is hitting me from behind. It is forcing me to jump. I look inside the well. But it is too dark, and I can’t make anything. It looks too deep to me. A wave of fear emanates from my heart, and it grows in strength and slowly spreads over my entire body. I feel my legs shivering with this fear. ‘I don’t want to die,’ this thought crosses my mind… After a moment, I hear faint hissing sounds from somewhere around me. I turn to look around. I don’t see anyone; everything is too dark. But for some reason the place looks familiar. It feels like my room, only too dark and empty… and there’s a deep dark well in the middle of the room. As I try to get hold of myself and get down from the edge of the well, a loud roaring shriek comes from somewhere… and then a very strong push of air throws me down into well.

My mouth is wide open, muscles tensed, I was shouting in shock and fear, but I just don’t hear my voice. My body is falling down and down into the depths of well. The deeper I fall, the darker and silent it gets, like a deafening silence. And I keep falling but never reach to the bottom of that well, ever.”

Aman was panting heavily. He picked up the Psychologist’s glass of water from table, held it tighter in his hand, and with a quick glance at his right side, he gulped the water down his throat.

“So…” the Psychologist, a bit puzzled, asked Aman, “That’s your usual dream, I think, Aman. What is it that’s troubling you this time?”

“What’s troubling me,” Aman continued, “is the end of the dream tonight. And everything after that…”

“What do you mean, Aman?” Anupam, like a well-practiced Psychologist, asked patiently, “Everything after that!”

There was a faint creaking sound, like a chair being dragged. Aman shifted in his chair to get comfortable. And then he began,

“As I kept falling down and deep into the well, I heard whispers this time, like a pleading whisper of someone asking my help- ‘save me… save me please… save me…’ And then a hand came floating towards me, it clutched my hand tightly… and began to pull me up and up and finally out of the well.” “This time someone saved me, Anupam,” Aman looked at him with moistened eyes, “Someone who was asking for my help down there…”

“Well,” Anupam showed a warm practiced smile to him and said, “It’s good that you finally came out of that well, Aman. I think your nightmare has finally ended in good. You have nothing to fear now, Aman.”

Anupam was already getting up from his chair when Aman said, “I am not done yet, Anupam. I haven’t told you the part of everything after that.” 

Anupam paused in his tracks. The smile wiped out from his face. He looked curiously at Aman and sat down in his chair. He didn’t say a word, just watched Aman. “Something was out of place,” he thought. “Did you see something more?” asked the Psychologist.

Aman nodded. He shifted in his chair. Once again a creaking sound of a surface screeched came.

“After I woke up from the nightmare,” he continued again, knowing very well how it was going to end, “I found a girl sitting by my bed side.”

A brief pause and he continued, “The girl extended her hand towards me. And I knew she was the one who pulled me out of my nightmare. It was the same hand.”

Aman looked the Psychologist in his eyes and asked him, “Do you want to know who she was, Anupam?”

Anupam didn’t understand what was going on. But he had a hunch about where this was going. He looked at Aman with pleading eyes now. And his well-practiced body control was falling away.

With his shivering lips, Anupam asked him, “Are you trying to say…. to say that… the girl who saved you ….” his eyes were already welled up, and his heart was too heavy to say something more. He was thinking about the only guilt of his life.

“Yes! Anupam,” Aman told him without waiting further, “Yes, she was your daughter, Anubhavi.”

“Anu…” Anupam broke down, “My Anu… Can you talk to… talk to her, Aman?” The Psychologist asked Aman, pleadingly.”

Aman told him, “Yes, Anupam. She is actually here.” He pointed to the chair on his right side.

Anupam couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He had been waiting for just another glimpse of her daughter for all these years. And now she was there.

“And it was your daughter who found me,” Aman said, “to help you.” 

Anupam was on his knees now; he came right in front of that chair where his Anu was sitting. He joined both his hands together, “I am so sorry… so very sorry Anu… I failed you… I couldn’t save you…” Anupam was dying to see his Anu… And all the guilt of those years which had been haunting him came bursting out.

Aman came towards the Psychologist. He looked at the empty chair where Anubhavi was sitting. He put a hand over Anupam’s shoulder, and tried to calm him, and then he told him, “That’s what your daughter wanted to tell you, Anupam… That it wasn’t your fault.”

Anupam looked at the chair, and then at Aman.

“Your daughter wanted to tell you this, Anupam,” continued Aman, “that her death wasn’t your fault. And she never blamed you for that.”

Anupam shook his head - “no no no … it was my fault… that accident… I wasn’t careful… no no no… I should have been the one to die…” he couldn’t control himself, “And I am so sorry for that… I am really sorry, Anu… Not a day goes by when I don’t think of ending my own life, Anu.. I don’t deserve that, Anu… Papa doesn’t deserve that…”

“That’s what she is telling you, Anupam” Aman pleaded with him. “Listen to her, please. She wants me to tell you that it was her fault. She took the car by herself, even when you refused her.” A deep hissing sound vibrated in air. “She wants to tell you that she never blamed you for her death. And that she had always loved you. ”

A cold breeze came from somewhere, and it touched Anupam’s face. He looked up at the chair once again, wishing to see his daughter.

Aman looked at both of them. He wanted to finish her message.

 And so he continued “Anupam! Your daughter chose me to save your life. She knew that you want to die… that you had been thinking of suicide. But your daughter wants you to forgive yourself. And live your life well. She wants you to live, Anupam.”

Anupam had never looked so fragile in his life. Gone was the confidence of a well-practiced Psychologist from his face. He had been helping people for so long time. But he couldn’t help himself. Not until now, until her daughter came back from death to save him.

Aman wiped the tears from his own face. He saw Anupam broken on the floor and wiped his tears and gave him a glass of water. “Please forgive yourself, Anupam. That’s what your daughter wants.” He told the Psychologist.

Aman could see Anubhavi crying as well. But he couldn’t wipe her tears. Nobody could. But he was glad that he could help her in some way… He could help her save her father’s life.