Questions...

"I wanna end my existence as the person I'm today and stay as "your" girl coz I can't balance out between my emotions for you and my emotions for myself! The death might be heart wrenching in the beginning but will end this continuous pain atleast." typed she with an extremely heavy heart knowing that empathy shouldn't have kicked in right now.

With that statement being quoted, an array of thoughts piled up into a mountain of feels. She knew exactly what she meant when she mentioned heart wrenching. Deep in her heart, she was hoping that he had understood her enough in the seven months of their relationship to deny that merciless death coz without that inner self of her, she wouldn't LIVE, she would be forced to even SURVIVE. Just as she hoped that he would deny that merciless death, he stated rather assured that being his girl would keep her happy!

She should have been upset with him for not being able to comprehend her instead it pained to her that she let down the five years for seven months. It pained to her that the inner self, she sang praises of, wasn't appreciated enough when the time came. She also realized in that moment that he wasn't at fault, in fact not even a single bit at fault. Its her longing to explore and her curiosity that lead her to this destination. Did she regret this curiosity of hers?

Every individual seeks a relationship for a reason and her reason was not her need of love but her need to explore life on her terms.

She wanted to know,

• whether the cupid actually ensured rains on special momemts of togetherness;

• how a relationship other than with SELF felt like;

• how being loved by another individual felt like;

• how sharing the first and sacrificing the last tasted;

• how staying committed to a guy under the cloak of love felt like;

• how a few hugs and kisses from that person can actually lift your mood;

• how those stolen meets cause the adrenaline rush to meet its peak;

• how knowing one XY chromosome through and through changed her perception on the multitude of guys;

• how life would change if she were to turn selfless;

• how important does her extended family make her feel on the days that she is down;

• how does the reel concept of "do jism ek jaan" actually work?

She had learnt to not be emotionally dependent in the last 5 years. She ensured that she was self-sufficient. She made her alone her biggest strengths. She chose herself over her virtues of empathy and care. Then, what made her decide to choose 7 months over the 5 years?

Is it love!?

And also, is it wise enough for an individual like her to end her existence like that for a person she meets on weekends?

Furthermore, upon all questions being answered, will she choose herself?