Paternal Leave

Scores of friends and colleagues huddled around Anish. Everybody was eager to congratulate the new daddy. Anish was back after a three-week paternal leave. Anish had arrived with several packets of delicacies, sufficient to treat over 100 people for days at length. While he enumerated each of the events leading up to the big moment of holding his angel in his hands, the unprecedented joy on his face said it all in a much better way. In fact, for several months before his wife’s delivery, Anish was always found to be nervous and lost. He did well in his work, no doubt. Nevertheless, he often fidgeted with things, felt uneasy and too anxious-he simply preferred to be left alone, giving away freely, his usual charming childlike smile. One more miscarriage was inconceivable. Now, Anish’s family and friends were relieved and extremely happy for Anish and Diya. The baby and the mother were both safe and healthy.

  

Post work, Anish took his close friends for yet another round of a dinner treat. Although everything Anish spoke was great and excellent, what resulted in utter confusion was Anish’s revelation about his next step. The friends chose to remain placid. Though, they preferred Anish not protracting the silence anymore.

Anish had decided to go on a long, indefinite paternal leave. Of course, since the official leave policy as per company rules had been used up, Anish had made a firm, well thought out decision to take a break from work. He wanted to go on a sabbatical. Hence, he had had a long discussion with his manager before putting down the papers. Anish’s friends did not want to talk him out of this noble idea but they were definitely concerned if he was doing it rather hastily if he could perhaps give it a second thought because his career could be at stake. Some even offered their suggestions saying, since his wife and her parents were home, he could take regular leaves instead of indefinite leave. 

Was Anish being imprudent? Was he too emotional at the moment? What was the real reason behind a decision like this one? Anish’s friends were not merely curious nor did they mean to intervene in Anish’s personal life, however, they genuinely cared to support if needed.

Anish remained placid, like always. He was more than happy to open up about the matter. Anish reminisced how Diya and he had always planned it this way. They longed for a family. Once they had their baby, they both wanted to be there with the baby for an entire 1 year or more. Post that, they were happy to take turns and with the selfless assistance of their parents, Anish and Diya would bring up the baby. But, for the first year, they dreamed to be around the baby at all times. Anish and Diya had equal in all aspects of marriage. It was no different with the baby coming in – they wanted to be nurturers and providers. They disliked choosing one role each or even, more of only one role.

Anish spoke of how excited and joyous he was in order to begin caring for the baby. He wanted to do all things by hand. He knew he would make mistakes, seem like a miserable failure, get upset at the silliest little things and even lose hope of doing a good job. He may withdraw out of fear of messing up; he could feel ashamed of not being cognizant of ordinary and simple tasks. The future was blank. All he knew was that he, his parents in law, his wife would do it as a team.

How does it matter as long as he does it with his heart, soul, and mind in it? Would it not make a world of difference is there in person rather than being a spectator!  Anish yearned for all the hands-on, falling and getting up routine, giving up sleep et all. He chose gleefully to be immersed and embellished by the beauty and happiness parenthood offers.

Anish admitted that this decision did not happen overnight. There had to be meticulous planning because both he and Diya would be out of regular income. They came from middle-class families. So, they did plan really well in advance to stock up financial resources to last for about a year and a half, just in case. They had foreseen the challenges, blocks, pressures. It was not a trivial thing. Yet it was nothing impossible for what they strongly desired.

 He shared how they gave up on holidays and conjured creative ways to spend time together with a limited budget. Every penny mattered as they were both not willing to compromise on their final call – the one-year parenthood sabbatical. Anish had thought about any repercussions family-wise, career-wise too. He elaborated how everything happens for a reason. A good one. Anish and Diya had long contemplated studying a couple of courses. Whenever they found the time, they were happy to take this up. Only as a second priority. Additionally, using the one year to be at home under the same roof with the parents and the kid was going to be rare bliss. This opportunity did not knock their door every day. They could bond, share stories, unravel each other’s personalities in a homely environment.

 Anish’s friends had not managed to eat much in one hour. They were certainly touched by his words.

Anish told his friends that, people often plan for a house/car/investments/ adventure holidays with enormous effort, dedication, and patience. They term it “security” and also a “sense of accomplishment”. It assumes utmost importance.

As far as health is concerned, do we even have many choices! You either be fit or face the consequences. More like a mandatory need isn’t it.

How about emotional needs in life? We generally let them take a backseat. There is a default mindset to corner feelings and emotions. We know they are crucial for our well being, we know having fulfilled our emotional needs, that we will eventually emerge stronger, happier, content and positive. We are aware that emotional needs are mandatory and of utmost importance too. Yet we hesitate, withdraw and even decide to lead them to a backseat. Worse, we allow them to fade away like they never occurred or as if it is a criminal sin to consider them with rapt attention or that emotional needs diminish the value of other parameters in life. Why?

We do not and should not become weak in anybody’s eyes if we acknowledge our deep emotional desires and attend to them. Nobody advocates extreme emotion display or succumbing to emotions in a destructive way (either to oneself or others). Nonetheless, if only one can traverse in the right path without harming anyone but use his/her emotional needs and dependencies for growth and prosperity instead, there should be no stopping. No guilt. No remorse. No feeling like an outcast. No hopeless fears, ever.  We are all unique. We all have powerful emotional needs. They matter.

Anish had painted his imagination and desired a beautiful beginning with his newest family member. He wasn’t ready to trade it for anything in the entire world. Not everybody would agree with it or deal with it as he did. But, Anish believed in himself and his approach. He went ahead and happily took the plunge. He made adjustments, he gave up a few comforts, and he had to redesign a few areas of life. As long as his emotional fruition made him a better person, none of it seemed impossible. 

Anish’s friends could not agree with him more. They were now as thrilled and anticipated his parenthood diaries more than ever.  They too wanted to introspect such deep needs, if any.