It's really frustrating when people see and give a pathetic hopeless look and sympathize in front of me but gossip and laugh on me when I'm not to them.
I'm Alex Wood. My brain is not working well. I'm a patient of "Anxiety disorder."Yes, I'm a mental patient.
I feel restlessness every now and then.
I feel fear in a small and normal environment.
That's the reason people make gossips on me.
That makes me more anxious, frustrated and mad.
Everyone around me is fake.
My lovely wife Ceceel. She's so beautiful, her long silky brown hair, grey eyes and a perfect body always drive me crazy. I love her as my life but she left me because I have a mental disorder.
Actually, she gets a good excuse to leave me. But the real reason is she's an extramarital affair.
But still I love her, how can I stop loving my life? After all, she gives me my life's precious gift, my daughter Gilli.
If Ceceel is my heart then Gilli is my heartbeat. She's just like her mom, beautiful, silky short reddish hair, braced teeth.
After Ceceel left Gilli takes care of each and everything of mine. Gilli is only 17 years but she's so mature.
She always says," dad I'm with you, don't worry. Live your life without any fear."
Sometimes I think when she was three years, I used to tell her that "don't worry, I'm always here for you."
And now she says to me the same thing, Time changes. My daughter is an angel, but still, she's very young to handle my madness with so-called normal people's bullsh**t. So I request to the precious gem of my life's ring Loura Stanley to come for help Gilli.
Loura is my bestie. She has brown eyes, curly grey hair not so slim figure but she's Gorgeous.
She's my childhood friend, she's my strength. When I feel low she's there for giving me strength and hope. She motivates me for living my life at fullest.
I love both of them a lot. I know they face many difficult situations because of me.
They listen to other people's gibberish opinions and behaviour only for me.
And Loura she knows my every weakness and helps me to overcome my situation.
It's hard to handle when I can't relax.
I worked at a toy store, because of my problem they fired me.
Now I'm a writer. I write stories for kids.
While writing stories, I feel good maybe because kids are like fresh water, like a cool breeze, a soft sunshine.
Their laugh, their smile, their innocence makes me feel better.
I always thanks to Loura, because it's her idea of writing books for kids
Today I completed five books and there's a small gathering or you can say party for my books.
Which hosted by Gilli and Loura. I'm so happy that I made it.
They are very happy today. Today I'm the reason for their Happiness.
This feeling makes me happier.
But some people don't realise that they ruin other's feeling and happiness from their behaviour and talks.
I listen to some people are talking about me. Their conversation hurts me a lot.
I feel unable to control my emotions so that I leave the party and lock myself in my room.
Gilli and Loura constantly knocking on the door.
"Gilli my darling. I'm ok. Please give me some time."I said to them.
I assured them so they leave me alone.
I want some sleep, so I change my clothes and get to bed for sleep.
It's not working. I am not able to sleep.
The words of that person make me enraged. They say my daughter is in a bad hand. She's suffering because of me, and many things which makes me so infuriate and anxious for my daughter.
I'm so helpless that I can't do anything for the sake of my daughter.
The feeling gets deeper and deeper inside my heart.
I feel so restless, can't handle my emotions. Try to sleep but when I close my eyes the people and their conversations start to reel.
Oh God! How to manage my emotions, don't want to do anything wrong but my anger and guilt is overpowering on my mind.
Some time passes I started walking in my room and at last lost control...
I write a letter to Gilli.
"My dearest Gilli
You are not only my daughter you are my life. I want to protect you, I want to be your best father, a normal one. But I'm not. It always hurts me.
Today I feel so helpless, that you are facing so much because of me.
I don't want to be a stone in your life's path.
You know I wanted to see your graduation ceremony, your boyfriend.. of course, I would hate him because I have to share your love with him.
I wanted to give you so many annoying lectures, which you hate to listen to.
But yes at this time I want to tell you one thing, never afraid from failure, try harder, Never lose hope like me.
Never listen to any bullsh**t, never allow anyone who can rule on your life. It's your life live fullest with proud and grace.
Be happy and make sure to help others too in their hard time. Be an inspiration to everyone.
Forgive me for my coward decision.
Dear, I love you, so I have to do this.
Please live your life with happiness and be a good wife and mother too.
I pray for you. Wish you a very happy life ahead of my dear.
Thanks for everything which you did for me and give my thanks to Loura too.
A request to Loura, always be with my Gilli. Take care of my life's angel Loura.
Thanks for everything which you did for me and Gilli.
Now that's it. I'm so sorry for hurting and disappointing you both, But I have to do this.
Lots of love
I put that letter in my pocket and make my way to the window.
I see a picture of Gilli, Loura and me one last time. I put it on my heart with my hand and jumped.
That's it. My madness ends with me.