Mother-in-Law

If you are a Married Indian Woman… then you would obviously know the feeling

Just a background, Lakshmi had an elope marriage with Kumar because her family wasn’t sure if Kumar would be able to support Lakshmi from a financial perspective. It’s just that Lakshmi comes from a family that’s close to the Poverty line than to the middle-class society. Although she has been working for the past 2years she couldn’t save anything substantial as she was being carefree. Her younger sister was still studying and Lakshmi’s mother was the sole bread winner of their family. Despite all this she was dead sure that she wanted to have a love marriage because of the obvious DOWRY DEMON. She didn’t want her mother to be burdened with her marriage too and hoped that with marriage she could support her mother & sister. (You see Lakshmi was Stupid to think this)

Though it was an elope marriage, her mother-in-law (MIL) became her mother and made sure Lakshmi looked just like a doll for her marriage. Lakshmi’s MIL is supportive of Lakshmi and stated that Lakshmi should tell her mother immediately about the marriage. Lakshmi was initially skeptical of this but did so because she wanted to be in the good books of her MIL. To her surprise, Lakshmi’s mother cried her eyes out and wanted to support Lakshmi with any direction that her life takes her. Nothing else could have made her more happy because she now has a MIL who is like a mother and she also her mother with her.

Lakshmi’s MIL is the best cook of pickles and everything Veg. On the other hand, Lakshmi lacked the basic skills of cooking but her mother-in-law patiently guided Lakshmi to cook. Lakshmi calls her mother-in-law over the phone daily because she was living in Hyderabad along with Kumar because of their job while their MIL is living in Nellore. Lakshmi knew that once she conceives and delivers a baby the whole family will move to Hyderabad to live as a joint family. Quite frankly, Lakshmi was ok with this because when she herself had grown up around her grand-parents. What she lacked to understand that there would be expectations that Lakshmi had to fulfill as a married girl living in a joint family.

Some of the expectations would look like this; No eating out because the elders don't like all types of food. No going to movies because it’s costly for everyone to go to a movie nor a movie of everyone's liking. No destination holidays because the logistics is too much. So, slowly she learned to cook continental items like Pizza, Burger, noodles and Pasta as she likes these types of foods. Also, her calendar seemed to be full for a full calendar at the start of every year as soon as she has given birth to her both daughters. In Jan there’s Pongal, In Feb there’s her elder daughter birthday, In March there’s Ugadi and in April she had to take care of the kids exams. In May it’s her younger daughter birthday and the season to prepare pickles. In June it’s the beginning of new school and by July she would have to be prepared for the 1st Term exams and attend any other functions. In August, it’s Kumar’s birthday and in September she must prepare for Ganesh festival. In October it’s her anniversary and Dusherra. In November it’s Diwali and her birthday. In December, there’s an annual pilgrimage to Tirupati.

So, basically Lakshmi’s life started to feel mundane and monotonous. Kumar’s love towards hadn’t changed but he is now in the wheel of earning more money to provide the comforts as per his self-promise. He bought a new house and a Car. Kids are in a great school and growing so quickly. Thankfully, Lakshmi’s MIL still stands strong and takes care of the kids which gave Lakshmi the boost to continue her work life. All said and done she has what many others would kill for. A loving husband, 2 great kids and a support system of family which lets her pursue her career. But Lakshmi is struggling!!! 

She struggles big time to find meaning for her life and to find time for herself. She feels envious of others around her who watch a film with their spouses. She feels a pang of jealousy when her own sister goes out for lunch/dinner. She is not a big fan of travelling or shopping, yet she misses it. She has received so much support from her in laws that she feels bad to complain. She is blessed to have Kumar as her better half as he is never let Lakshmi down. Yet, Lakshmi yearns for something more.

Lakshmi wants to take her mother-in-law along with her and fulfill some of these wishes. However, somehow at the end of the day Lakshmi and her mother-in-law end up having a word or two. For example, because Lakshmi is working for 9hours for 5days; she feels like relaxing on the weekends. But her MIL who has been supporting her these 5days wants Lakshmi to take over the kitchen duties. If Lakshmi were to say "No. Let's chill" to her MIL, she would probably get reactions like “These generation kids don’t understand the importance of spending time with elders” Or “But we wanted to sort out the ward robe” or “You said last week that you will get those broken chains repaired” or “Shall we visit that relative’s house?” or “I was thinking we should do a deep clean of the house”

So many things that her MIL plans for Lakshmi and on the other hand Lakshmi feels overwhelmed with even the tiniest things. She wants to break free of these chains to an extent that she sometimes feels that death might give her peace. She feels that she is ready for death because she has her MIL to take care of things. She has had enough of this. She doesn’t want to be bothered if her chair has more clothes than her ward robe. She doesn’t want to be bothered if there are things lying around in her room. She doesn’t want to care for this relative or that relative and just stick to her latest K-drama addiction. She doesn’t want to hear lectures on how her kids are spoiled because Lakshmi is not being strict. She doesn’t want to be reminded of the ten zillion things that can be done with the help of additional resources, as it would cost money which isn’t ideal as per her MIL.

Lakshmi’s mother-in-law takes care of the whole family and she is sort of the head of the family. Lakshmi knows that if it were not for her MIL, the family would become a nuclear family. She appreciates that her kids are not left under a paid nanny’s care. She is at ease because the kids are always given nutritious food while being monitored for their daily activities. She is at peace because she knows that there’s food on the table any time of the day for n-number of people. Yet, there’s a resentment that just stems from the fact that Lakshmi isn’t the perfect daughter in law to her perfect MIL.

There are days when she just doesn’t want to come out of her room, as she is worried that she might say something spiteful which in-turn might hurt her MIL’s feelings. Lakshmi is no longer in her 20’s. After being married for 14years, She is now slowly approaching her middle age and has hormones playing concert with her mood. She is happy that she doesn’t have sons which might make her an MIL herself. That means she would become this constant feeling of discomfort for someone else and dreads the thought of it.

Finally, I just have one thing to say to all the Indian Married Women. Keep your friends closer and your Mother-in-law’s much closer.