Melancholic

   'Despair is like a narcotic it lulls your brain into melancholy leading to grief'.         Quote by Chaplin . .      This quote speaks volume about how the feeling of helplessness and despair affect our lives. We are not robots or super humans who do not get affected by grief and despair. We are normal humans irrespective of the Class, Caste, gender etc. Few people might be lucky. They may not know what despair and Grief are. And many others may only know despair and Grief, unfortunately. Nobody wants these in their lives. But we cannot choose what life offers to us always. Stories of people who have weathered all storms and emerged victorious are so fascinating and inspiring. To think how they got over these toxic elements thrown at them by fate, destiny or whatever term we use is so intriguing. Not everyone can be a Charlie Chaplin who could spread smiles and laughter when he was facing despair within. The more we ponder about these aspects the more we feel depressed and melancholic. Here is a short story that I had heard from our Psychology professor Mrs. Nimmi as students in a well known Women's College down south. Those times as young students we heard the episode or story narrated by our mam and I remember we laughed at it also. Now, as a matured person into my fifties my perspective of the entire story has gone through a tremendous change. This is the story of despair of grief and how it affects us.    

  Ruby's sister Rachelle very recently started noticing a strange behavior that her twin sister was exhibiting. Most of the time she would be tense for no reason. She started avoiding people, She preferred darkness and stayed aloof most of the time. She was a better person until recently and Rechel was worried obviously. Disclosing this to her elderly parents was not preferred as they would get tensed up and this would be another additional problem. After much thought, she felt the best thing to do was to take her sister to a psychologist or counsellor, who would dwelve deep into her mind and it's happenings. The Psychologist whom Rachel wanted to consult was a well known lady in those circles. She had multiple degrees to her credit and the list of her so called clients was a bit long also. As the appointment got fixed with the psychologist it was tough for Rachel to make her twin sister Ruby to go along Rachell to the counselling session. Finally after much persuasion and almost pleading Ruby agreed. The date was fixed and both the sisters got ready to go to the Psychologist. As Rachell was driving her car she was looking at her sister who was lost in her own world of thoughts and funny facial expressions which really were not funny(deep thinking among oneself). As they approached the Doctor'clinic, Ruby was reluctant to get down from the car as she had her own inhibitions. She dreaded talking to new people, which was in stark contrast to what her nature a few years back was. Ruby was good in public speaking, singing elocution, sports, quizzing and so on. She did manage to get prizes also. And now there stood a young lady who avoided people and places. Rachell was feeling so bad for her sister and was thinking what might be working in Ruby's mind. She had to be firm in order to get some remedy for her problem, she thought and led Ruby inside the clinic by holding her hand and to her surprise Ruby agreed and followed her like a small child. Once inside they were asked to wait for few minutes as the Doctor was busy with a patient(should we call he or she as patient?)it is a dilemma anyways. After about 20 odd minutes the person who was inside in consultation with the Doctor came out. He seemed to be satisfied with the consultation as he walked away humming a song. Rachell felt nice that they had come to the right person for consultation.    .  

  Now it was their turn. The receptionist guided them inside the cabin. There was seated a well-groomed smart lady in her early thirties. The cabin was well furnished and well kept. The ambience was nice. She asked them to be seated and introduced herself as Dr. Sejal. She asked Ruby to introduce herself, which Ruby did not do anyway. Rachell introduced Herself and Ruby and gave her a big sheet of paper with details about what her sister was going through. Dr. Sejal went through the paper and pushed it aside. She cleared her throat and asked Ruby to tell about herself and her problem. When asked twice or thrice Ruby slowly started narrating her ordea She started to narrate incidents starting from her childhood, adolescence and adulthood. As a child Ruby was a confident, active and energetic girl. She was a go getter wherever she went. Any competition in School or inter school Ruby was definitely participating and winning contests too. This made her class mates envious of her to the point that they started maligning her character. Since all were young kids they moved on with age creating a dark spot in Ruby's heart and mind. As she joined college the scenario was similar but with some change in her personal life. There was a distant relative who came to stay with them as he was looking for a job in her city. He was a person with a lot of negative traits that he tried to cover up with sweet talk. He was an alcoholic who consumed alcohol on the sly. His attitude towards women was not good. Soon Ruby realised that he had a bad eye on her. As and when he got a chance he tried to mis behave with her. Ruby was so scared to talk to anyone about this as that relative was putting up an act of being a very good person with high regard to relationships and lineage. So, she continued tolerating all his audacious behaviour to the level that she became paranoid of sorts. She started getting night mares and was even bed wetting which was a very embarrassing experience to her

. Her mother was busy with her own duties and responsibilities and so was her father. She started sulking as Rachell too could not understand her plight as per Ruby's assumption. The result was she developed obsessive compulsive neurosis. Most of her time was spent in doing the same things repeatedly which leads to pathetic condition of the sufferer of OCaD. She used to count the steps she climbed repeatedly, she used to comb her hair as per a certain count. As time passed she became highly very highly religious to the extent that she started praying to God almost for several hours in a day. . She went on to narrate to the Doctor that she started avoiding people and her fixation towards men and their body parts increased. This was how her obsessive compulsive neurosis manifested in another form now, which led to further complications. She knew it was not right, nor she was interested in doing so, but it was a trap she fell into without any option. This behaviour became more more prominent in her persona and she started shrinking within. She started lieing to herself and to others about any personal matter or otherwise. She even developed kleptomania and started flicking small items in shops and even within her home. Saying all this Ruby started crying bitterly. Just then Dr. Sejal shouted and almost spitted on her saying 'be ashamed of yourself, what a character you are. I don't treat people like you. Just leave. '. Ruby was shocked and before Rachell could understand what was happening she ran out of the Room. She hopped into a auto that was in the parking and left the place. Rachell had to pay the fee to the wretched Doctor and she too hurriedly left the place. She was worried about what he'll Ruby must be going through after this bitter experience. She realised a person with a Doctor's degree need not really be a worthy person who could help someone to come out of their mental rut for whatever reason they might have created for themselves.                 

   As Rachell entered her house she frantically ran towards the bedroom. She wanted to hug her sister and console her for the type of treatment she recieved at the Psychologist's clinic. Rachell knew it was not at all Ruby's mistake for what she underwent in her life that made her feel so miserable. It was the height of despair and Grief that she had been going through all these years which seems to be unending with no solace in sight.               

 We do not have any statistics but, everywhere in the world there may be many such Ruby's who might be suffering in silence for no mistake of theirs. Few may be lucky to get the right support to get out of the rit and many may continue to tolerate and sulk under their own burdensome thoughts and guilt consciousness.