Lower Middle Class Birthdays

A 100 CC bike 'Boxer' we had, on which our nuclear family rode- Dad, Mom, me and my younger brother. It was quite funny that my brother had to sit on the fuel tank of bike. Twice in a year, our family used to go out for dinner in the same restaurant, same order every time. Dal Fry, Mutter Paneer, Tandoori Roti, Steamed Rice it was. This tradition carried on for few years.

Then one year the chain of tradition broke, no family dinner, no celebrations this year. We three had no idea why my dad's behavior changed. It was my brother's birthday when we expected a quite little celebration in our family. We all were afraid of dad, afraid much to even ask.

That day my dad's mood was bit off, he kept shouting on all of us for our goofy mistakes all day. My brother burst into tears at last which, we thought, softened his heart. He took him for a ride. But, this time it was just two of them.

We had a blend of feelings, were happy that at least my brother was enjoying. When they returned, mom and I were excited to ask about their evening. My father didn't utter a word, it was my brother who had to bear with the bombardment of questions. He told us that they went to a local cafe and had a pizza. I was happy that my brother have had his favorite food on his birthday. That time pizza was a big deal, not a usual fast food.They even had ice cream after that. I was jealous but I hid it with a smile.

Then on my birthday, same awkward situation rose. I hated we never went out now. I started hating my father for this, blamed him for all my sorrows but I never confronted him with this. Otherwise, I would have been slapped. It was a risk that I couldn't afford.

I entered my teenage with time. To be frank, I preferred not to go out with family anymore so I didn't insist. I used to go with couple of my friends to a bakery and enjoyed Puff and soft drink with ridiculous jokes. I didn't realize in all this, my mom lost her chance to go out. She was confined in the four walls of which she never complained about, I mean legally.

It was only after I lost my father, some sense was instilled in me. Whenever I look back in the memory lane, I questioned myself every time- Did he really deserved my hate? What wrong has he done? Was he bad? Did he hate us?

Soon I started realizing that after paying our fees, monthly expenditure of running a family, he didn't have enough money left to take us all for dinner. May be, this is the reason why he used to only take my little brother out. Dad must have thought that his childhood should not be sacrificed at any cost, he must have good memories to live with. I finally realized, "Not enough money" was the reason of my dad's changed behavior.

I often ask myself,

"Where we started and where we are?

Do you think that we came up to par?

Do you think, it was worth it, the sacrifice of dreams- that shattered with goals set by necessities?

What have we won and what have we lost?

The point life made, we already paid the cost."

We don't realize the intensity of situation when it occurs so we react and make things worse which leads to "The Blame game".

We should take time to understand the situation and respond instead. If parents do something which hurts their children, there must be a big reason behind.