Loneliness night ( chapter-1)

The time is 12am and in mid of the night I am here to share myself. From last 3 days I am watching F.r.i.e.n.d.s a comedy series American sitcom but all sudden I am recollecting myself with the question "why I am feeling so low ?". No it's not because disha ( my roommate ) left today to her boyfriend's place because anyway her presence or absence doesn't matter. It's not like I hate to be involved but I hear lies and word manipulation from her which I hate the most but still I pretend not be known of her doings and act normal as if I never understand the difference of lie and truth . Though it's my past mistakes to be attached emotionally with people easily but now I don't want to get into that attachment. So definitely I am not missing her but precisely I felt the loneliness which even I can't share it to anyone . Infront of people, somehow I managed to be strong and I never wish to reveal the weak side of mine as I won't be able to accept people's own convenient suggestions and most of the suggestions are to make myself ready to start a new relationship. 

 I miss my friends but everyone is so busy in their married life and ofcourse nothing wrong in it and neither I blame them. I miss my family but can't be with them because of my parents and their disaster life and lastly I wish to be with that person with whom I have one way feelings from last 5 years but I can't . I tried alot to move on by meeting people through dating apps but everyone in those dating apps expect to speed up and act fast to get into a relationship which I can't whether it may be the reason of trust issues I have with people. In short , my life is completely messed up & That's why while writing my feelings , my tears were not in control and falling from my eyes. Not even a single person I have currently with I am comfortable enough to call and request to be on line and listen me crying loud or may be someone I can hug while crying & sharing my emotions. 

Don't know what's wrong with my life though I tried myself to be motivated either through motivational books or engaging myself with any activity I can do. The world is so practical currently but I am that same emotional fool having old school thoughts having honest and positive approach to this world . But still I thankful to God for this life and hope for a better tomorrow. I will keep on hoping till the day I will get what I deserve. 

(Next chapter - beginning of my life)