Lethal love

Every love is not meeting and uniting , some love finds its completeness in departing and losing. After all love is not a live stock business to call it a gain or success or loss. When Shivani met Banu Begam she must be about 7 or 8.

Her cycle rickshaw on the way to school stopped there, when Sankar cha-cha the rickshaw driver brought her fresh jasmine. He had to drop yet another children ,so he did not mind the young motherless girl hang around with Banu Begam

Sankar cha-cha knew if Shivani s father come to know about her short journey at Sarang. . he is going to lose job. But he knew Banu and how Shivani loved being with her.

She got out of the Uber and looked at Sarang, Sarang was almost like TajMahal made out of marbles in those days about 30 years back from now. The street was not abandoned like this. There were tea shops, pan shops which even sold local liquor. That was one of the most important part of the city.

The most attractive thing was the unusual fragrance of certain flowers of trees that bloomed at night. The doves on the attic that always purred like prayers.

Shivani nudged in opening the Iron doors now that crust has invaded. She felt badly to ring the big bell still upfront. . . . like she used to. But she knew the house is not with much people. Banu di and some servants who refused to leave her are the only ones remaining.

Shivani in her heart thanked Pranav for representing Banu di in court. If any body else appeared it would never have worked out. The society always upholds its stigma may it be world of 7G. Banu di was sick as hell and she needed the pension for retired artists, but world did not want to consider her as artist. She was fun, entertainment, she was just a courtesan. . . that is what they called her . But still Shivani believed she would dance to the music and rhythm of the tabla. . like a celestial nymph and she worshipped her art. Her deep reverence for dance and singing her own verses. . . blending hindi and Urdu. . . . Shivani believed it was the heaven. She danced like a peacock in rain. Her hair Like climbers of snake forest would move. Her eyes. . would bring about love, lust pain all feelings as the dance goes on.

Shivani got inside and entered the sanctum sanctorum of that lovely house. . . she found Banu di struggling to get up. . when Shivani ran in to her arms. . she felt the warmth of a mother. . . softnes of the expensive linen. . fragrance of jasmine. The clinging of bangles silver and gold. . . She said to the servant maid. . . "Gulabo mere bacha. . . yah he wo. . . . "she was weeping. . and Shivani too broke down.

When the last time Shivani saw Banu Begam was handcuffed and sitting in the Jeep. She wanted to run and she did. . . she ran in to the vehicle. She remember the police woman, but her eyes were fixed on the police man. . . and a child could never comprehend its complexity as it was Niranjan. . his song in darbari note. Above everything. . . that was the last day she ever saw Sankar cha-cha. . her dad could never fathom his daughter being a regular visitor of that place. He shouted her. . ". Shivani you are incorrigible. . "he repeated that phrase till his death.

Shivani knew she was never the daughter her father wanted.

Banu Begam poured the guava tea Arabic. . and Persian blend and while Shivani drank it. . . feeling the old taste and the memories it brought. She remembered Niranjan, slender brahmin boy, who did pooja in the morning at local temple and evening played table for Banu begam. Banu di. . . loved him. . and Shivani believed he must have, he came there with a lie though

Banu Begam fondled Shivani s hair. they both sat on the white ground sofa. . . where once audience of Banu would sit.

"It was a bad time girl, you did not know anything then. . . you played with nupoor and Yasmin and your laughter brought life to this place. But world was burning, which is more powerful I don't know, religion or politics. Both are dangerous,and I only knew love and it was my God.

It was the land lord who brought them here, they never went out, one worked in the kitchen, other in garden. Aparna came very late, they were Naxals and at that time their head hunt was the way of this part of world. . . "

"But Never knew emergency would be declared so soon. . my dear. "

Banu begam wiped her eyes.

Shivani. . . opened her bag and took out the poison perfume she brought from the airport. She tried to spray it on Banu. . .

"You have not forgotten Athar shivu eh, Banu asked, you and Niranjan loved sandal. When they took me to the interrogation hub. . remote. They would make me stand on the hot plate. . . the current would pass and I will be thrown away. . . I would never know the pain as I would stare at Niranjan with all my strength, all love. . I would adore himand would hear him sing. . . the song that brought rain. . . "

"Di. ". . Shivani. . . just called out, that was a rare way of telling the story. Banu begam was never loved, Shivani knew, her parents gave her away to Sarang. . . like many other girls. She learned music and dance.

But unlike other girls, Banu begam was married away to a rich man.

She used to listen Sankar cha-cha tell that story. . . that man was a tyrant, he would beat Banu till she is down. . . he would burn her with cigarette buds. . . poke iron and steel. . and enjoy her pain bit by bit. . Shivani understood the real meaning of that story only very later when she grew up as a woman.

But Banu Begam was a Bengal tiger one of its kind. She killed him stabbing him thirty two times.

Sarang and the women there were very powerful those days so no one could touch Banu, she returned to Sarang, but was never the little girl but a woman who came to power with no time.

Banu Begam made allies with all top authorities, she paid them or entertained them to keep them. King to beggar was all her clients, her esteemed guests.

What are you thinking girl. . . Shivani heard Banu ask her. . "would you stay for dinner, I want you to have the same kheer, you were stubborn for then. you were a thin brat then. . look at you, how Beautiful are you?". .

Shivani laughed, She wanted to dance before Banu that day. She wanted to tie her anklets and forget herself. She heard Banu continue the story. . .

When it came to her and Shivani Niranjan and that crazy love was to be told about.

"Aniruddh ,Amar and Aparna those were their names, the three kids, who would think they cut off people's head. . . they were like any human beings. Love, lust and vengeance are all one and same Shivani. . . they were stoned by politics. . . they were high on it. . like bhang"

"Then came Niranjan. . . bada Begam told never to let him in, but he came with his music. He was the golden deer in disguise. My own golden deer and I could not stop my legs from dancing. . .

When party fell we were left free, but Niranjan never sang nor played tabla. . it was one monsoon night he took his life". . Banu begam stopped

"Niranjan is present with me since then. . . I could never hate him". "Forgiveness is God . Girl so I gave him place in my soul. . . "

"He cried bad, so bad when he bet me hard, so hard with their long stick. . . my legs. . . cracked open. I would be held in water. . cold water. I smiled. . . all the time as I could feel him near me. ". . Banu Begam stopped 

Shivani just lay on her lap. . . Banu then continued 

"Revolution was in the blood of young folk then. . not like now a days. People wanted equality and they fought for what they believed 

But love is also a Renaissance Shivani my girl. . people like fireflies wither away in it. Such was the love those days. "

"But I killed the men who raped my young girls in the pretense of hunting down some culprits. . I shot them all. . . 25 years of prison could not make me that man who pulled strings. . . Niranjan meant a lot more. Banu Begam wiped her tears and stopped by saying. . it was a lethal love. . a love that cost it all. "

Silence prevailed between them for while, Shivani thought of Nupoor and Yasmin and their fate of fading away in prime. . .

That night Shivani. . . danced on megmalhar. . and to astonishment with steady legs. . Banu Begam moved her hips in whirls, under the moon Sarang looked beautiful and they. . . just danced. . on and on. .