Leading By Example

Swati had requested umpteen number of times and expressed that her stomach was full, her heart was content. Yet, Anisha’s mother wouldn’t budge. Anisha’s mother and aunts gathered around Swati to make a third round serving of the starters, main course as well as the dessert. Swati enjoyed the pampering around food. All of Anisha’s family treated Swati like a member of the family. 

It had been three weeks since her arrival. Since her parents were away to be there for Swati’s sister’s first baby delivery, Anisha had coaxed Swati to spend the semester holidays in Anisha’s hometown. Initially, Swati was hesitant to overstay beyond two weeks lest she troubled the private moments of Anisha and her family. However, she was so accustomed to being with Anisha’s loving and caring family that she readily agreed to stay back for the rest of the three months.  

The family hour

Swati had grown up in a nuclear family. She was used to having fewer members around, quiet moments at the dinner table and a few conversations over a news program at the end of the day. As a family, the four of them went for movies and restaurants on the weekends. Summers differed significantly as she visited her maternal grandparents and had her relatives, cousins everybody around for the month and a half. On the contrary, Anisha had seen a joint family upbringing right from the word go. Anisha reminisced often, how there wasn’t a day she had seen, with lesser than twenty members under the same roof. There were fights, arguments, celebrations, festivities, happy and challenging moments – everything blended into a beautiful journey with a big unit called family. 

Swati observed from close quarters the day to day living at Anisha’s home. She loved it. What stood out was the family hour they all stuck to, no matter what. In the evenings, between 8 and 9 PM, the whole of the family appeared religiously in front of the huge television screen. It was installed in the middle of the living room. Kids occupied the front row. The adults sat behind, a few sat on the side rows and those who couldn’t manage sitting on the floor helped themselves to find a chair. A few neighbors and the house-maids joined in as well. What amused Swati was that, not everybody in the group liked the two television shows as much as the others, each one had his/her own taste/choice/preference/priorities.

The purpose of the gathering was to bring everybody together at least for some time in the day. In the process, you learn being there for each other as a team, you learn to cooperate and adapt and most importantly, you stay focused on the larger picture and common good. Swati did not believe there was a better and a more subtle way to teach tolerance and acceptance.  

The family hour was an entertaining affair too. The members did not resort to quietly gazing at the screen and then moving on; they discussed what happened in the episodes with animated body language. If there was something sentimental and emotional, a few could not resist shedding tears; if there was injustice meted out, Swati could hear raised voices throwing their opinions and judgments rather instantaneously. There was many an instance when the family discussed the episodes much after they were over, indulging in calculated guesses and competed against each other too.

A silly dilemma   

One day, post the dinner and the family hour, Anisha found Swati had a sullen face- not very usual of Swati. Anisha inquired but Swati did not reply in the affirmative. After much thought and pondering, she mustered all the courage to speak with Anisha and her parents. Swati feared she would hurt them; she was not sure if she had the authority and space to actually open up so early on with a family she had met for less than three months. Swati could not fathom the extent of consequences as yet. She went ahead anyways.

A farewell of gratitude and respect 

The day had arrived for the two girls- Anisha and Swati, to leave for the college. Both were in tears to bid adieu. Swati promised she would keep in touch, that she would keep visiting the family as often as she could; she loved the handmade presents the family had lovingly given her to share with her newborn niece, parents and sister. Swati had won everybody’s hearts. Swati was happy, content and proud to be associated with a family-like Anisha’s.

On the night that Swati spoke to Anisha’s parents and Anisha, she had shared an important suggestion with the family. Swati had noticed that the two television shows that the family chose to watch so regularly, involved a diverse set of plots. There were murders, immense amount of physical violence, verbal accusations, and dangerous levels of man-woman inequality shown. Of course, the Television shows as a whole did not voice that. Eventually, everything would fall in place and good would prevail. Nonetheless, in the process of reaching the end, Swati strongly felt that a huge amount of content was not kid-friendly or kid-appropriate. As adults we realize what is right and wrong, however, the kids lack the ability and maturity to distinguish between good and bad, right and wrong. Their minds are innocent and naïve, they could easily fall prey to what is being shown. Additionally, when the children see that their parents and elders at home approve of all of that, they blindly follow that. No matter how much the elders brainwash the kids about equality, morals and ethics, the adults should lead by example. The manner in which they lead lies in the smallest choices such as the content they choose to watch with kids around.

Anisha’s parents and the whole family promised Swati that they would look into this and work towards a better way of spending the family hour. They were absolutely grateful to Swati to have had the courage and the concern to share such insightful feedback with the family. Anisha’s father confessed that, three years ago when he had to send Anisha to study at a premier institute far away from home, he had his own inhibitions. Now, when he saw that his daughter had a wonderful and a wise friend in Swati, he was more than pleased about his decision. After all, education should help youngsters know what is right, what is wrong, it should give them the experience and exposure to change age old patterns for overall betterment.