Judgment Day

I tottered across my hall, leaning on my walker. Having made it off the couch with plenty of umphs and aahs, I was at the mercy of my debilitated legs and the balmy wheels of my walker to stagger me to bed. The house smelt old. Or was it just me? I craned my neck to glance around once to make sure everything was in order. The main doors were locked. I had locked them when Sherry left. The kitchen was untouched as it had been for some days now. I made a note to clear the takeaway parcels in the morning which were kept on the fractured coffee table. I had not touched mine, unable to chew the chicken or the noodles. Sherry’s empty parcel lay on the floor, with remnants hanging from its edge on the woollen carpet. My daughter could be absent-minded but she was a good soul. I was glad she made time for me this month, if only it was for an hour. I stared at the half-empty bottle of the gooey oats mix. I puked in my mouth remembering its taste. Oh, What a curse, old age is!

I neared my bed and circled around the dancing walker to reach the edge of my bed. Was it a bed? It was more of a cot, wasn’t it? With a triumphant exhale, I let myself fall down on the couch. Oh, My hip! Definitely a cot! I shrieked as I felt the pain climb through my hip and rise gradually through my lower back and then my spine, reaching my neck. I massaged my lower back, my fingers drowning into the loose, falling skin, undulating my nerves. As I did so, I stared at the old lady in the mirror in front of me. The hair had all but disappeared and the ones remaining were as white as a bride’s dress. The cheeks were hollow with the bones protruding. I felt dejected as I noticed that there were more lines on my face than there was skin. My body was reduced to being acutely boney and the cream coloured nightgown hung on it as it did on a closet hanger. When did I get so old? I lay down on my cot and closed my eyes calling for sleep to take me into a dreamy hug. God damn it! I grunted as I recalled that I had forgotten to take the medicines. Doesn’t matter. There is always tomorrow.

I dreamt of a place occupied by darkness. I was standing all alone in the black abyss, searching for another, anyone. I sensed the darkness overcome me. It was getting difficult to breathe. I forced out short spurts of grunts, rasping for breath, as I ran to escape the darkness. I fell down, my legs are unwilling to support me. I crawled on my hands and stomach, trying to calm my frantic heart. And then it stopped. I froze, my eyes watching in horror as the shadow consumed me. 

I jolted awake in shock, taking in long and deep breaths. I was lying on my cot, in my room. I sat up straight, calming down, my breathing getting back to normal. I glanced at the mirror. I was me again. Long and dense black hair covered my head, falling down over my shoulders. My cheeks were full, with a shade of pink glossed over them. I stared at my tiny nose, as I walked closer to the mirror, and my big and round sparkling dark brown eyes. I smiled, parting my lips, and I noticed a full set of teeth sparkling in my reflection. I was wearing the same creamy gown, although this time, it felt the right size. I looked back towards the bed and saw the old woman lying peacefully. I detested her. I detested what I had become. I wanted to get as far away from her as possible. My body, understanding my emotions, picked itself off the ground. I was floating upwards. My feet dangled in the air, unsure of how to respond. I looked up at the ceiling. Oh, God! I am going to crash into the roof. I lowered my head and closed my eyes awaiting the impact, but it never came.

I braved myself to open my eyes and found myself floating over the house. I noticed the dilapidated roof and the black moist spots covering the roof and the walls. The paint on the outer walls was peeling off. The house was in decay. I looked around at Helen’s house to the right and then to Jane’s opposite mine. I floated further up to study the other neighbouring houses. All were in similar condition. Dying people reside in dying houses. I flew along the rows of houses, mentally naming their residents and remembering their faces. I stopped over at one of the houses and, hesitating for a long time, decided to enter the house. I flew through the sloping, decayed roof of the house. I landed in the bedroom. I admired the man sleeping peacefully, snoring mildly, his chest rising and falling at constant intervals. He was lying on his back, facing the ceiling. I stood next to him, staring at his handsome face. Those prominent cheekbones and the strong squarish jaw hadn't changed at all. His long and thick white hair spread out under his head. He had maintained not only his facial features but also his lean and tight body. I lifted myself to float directly on top of him, facing him, bringing my lips closer to his, my body falling over him. 

‘Bob!’, I whispered. ‘Hey Bob, It’s me.’ I said, my lips brushing against his. There was no reaction. His eyes were still closed and his breathing was consistent. I kissed him, regardless. I felt something hitting Bob’s chest, passing through me. I looked down and saw a hand laid across his chest. Long fingers curled their way to the side of his chest digging into his skin. A wave of jealousy spread over me. I turned around to look at the tall woman, sleeping beside my failed love. Unlike the old woman I had left behind on the cot, Sondra’s skin was flawless. I could barely make out any lines on her face and neither was her skin sagging like it should at this age. She smiled at me victoriously, with her eyes closed. I couldn’t control myself and I slapped her as hard as I could. I felt my hand make hard contact with her cheek, but there was no noise. She slept soundly. 

‘You fucking whore!’ I shouted as I straightened myself upright again. I took another moment to gaze at Bob and then left him with that plastic bitch. I floated in the air through their ceiling.

Once out of the house, I floated higher. I wanted to get away from the drab and numbing locale. The stars shone bigger and brighter than I ever remembered. I floated higher towards them, trying to recollect and recognise the constellations. The houses below looked inconsequential, as my life had been all these years. I wanted to leave all that behind. This dream gave me a chance to forget all of it, even though it was just for tonight. I flew towards the coast. I had always found a calmness, listening to the sounds of the ocean. The tides brought peace as they crashed onto the land. I reached the coast but did not stop. I crossed the land of people and entered the land of the seas. The gentle waves became turbulent and a little further on the ocean went silent. I kept flying, enjoying the gentle caress of the wind coupled with the pleasing sounds of the ocean. I began to see hints of land again, but that was not why I stopped. In front of me, the sky was painted with strokes of colourful lights. Green rays of light spiralled across the dark black sky, with hints of blue light filling in the gaps. I stood mid-air gaping at the scenery. The lights were in a constant state of flux, changing their shapes and positions. The painting, though, never lost its appeal.

There was a loud boom in the sky, a sound that would embarrass a thousand thundering clouds. ‘IT’S TIME!’ the voice said in a deafening roar. With hardly any time to react, I was pulled into a vortex. The green lights and the oceans whizzed past me in a blur. I could barely make out the coast that I had crossed and the array of houses. I was back at my house, hovering over it. The vortex dragged me upwards, through the misty clouds and over them. The hauling came to a sudden halt and I was dropped. I landed, roughly, on a platform, barely managing to keep my balance. I was on a bridge. The path on the bridge was covered by flowery tiles and bricks, and the sides were enclosed with balustrades. I tried to jump away from the place but couldn’t. Did gravity work in dreams as well? I looked around to see where I was. The clouds surrounded the floral path. The night had passed and the sun’s light brightened the sky. The path began in mid-air out of nothing. The bridge was broken. I glanced at the other end, but couldn’t make it out. The clouds obstructed my vision. With no other alternative, I walked along the bridge towards the unknown. There was no other sound, there was no wind and there was no smell. I could sense my feet thudding against the path, softly. Having walked some distance, I could see a few stairs at the end of the path, the clouds swirling against them. Seeing the stairway incited a boost of energy through my legs and they carried me faster. I gazed up at the imperious stairway and I could make out the silhouette of a manly figure, covered in the radiance of starlight, emanating from behind him. I clambered over the tall stairs, often using my hands for support. I kept my eyes on the shadow. It hadn’t moved. I was panting by the time I reached the top. I cautiously moved towards the dazzling figure. 

Positioning myself right next to it, I saw that the figure itself was shining with starlight. It stood a hundred feet tall, maybe even more. I strained my neck to look up at it, trying to get its attention. Its body was pure light. There was no face, no legs, nobody. It stood there, unmoving, like a statue made up of energy. Behind this statue, I saw there were three doors, suspended at the end. I ambled closer and noticed that there was nothing behind them, only the open blue sky and the miasma of clouds. The path ended there. The leftmost door was painted white. The surface was plain with no mullions. There was a bronze doorknob on the left side of the door, similar to every other. I grazed my fingertips against the rough wooden surface. I peeped behind the door, standing on the edge of the platform. From the other side, the door looked exactly the same. I came away from the edge and stood a few feet away from the door. I stared at the black and the brown doors. The base of the doors rested on the platform with no walls around either of them and they stood at a distance of three to four feet from each other. 

‘IS THERE AN ISSUE? WHY DON’T YOU GO AHEAD AND OPEN ONE OF THEM?’ the thundering voice boomed through the air. The same voice! I looked around, terrified and with my back to the doors, backpedalled slowly towards the edge. My hands were raised in a defensive posture, waiting for the assailant. I moved my eyes from side to side, trying to catch a glimpse of any sudden movement. There was none.

My feet dangled over the edge, as I struggled to find footing. I looked back and saw I had almost walked over the edge. I balanced myself, swaying my hands in the air and breathed a sigh of relief once I rested my foot on solid ground. I wished to fly away once again and pushed myself off the ground with all my heart, but to no avail.

Frustrated with the situation, I shouted, ‘Where are you? Why don’t you show yourself?’ 

I waited in anticipation, although I did not expect a response. Instantaneously, I sensed a sudden shift. The statue of light was shrinking. It was diminishing. I stood there a frozen instance, glaring, as it transformed itself into a seemingly unextraordinary man. A white robe, in contrast to this dark skin, loosely hung from his broad shoulders. He was barefoot. As he walked toward me, his facial features became more apparent. He had a round face with plump cheeks. His small eyes were embedded deep inside his face, with his forehead and cheeks protruding. He had no sign of any hair, neither on his face nor on his head. He took long and mighty strides towards me.

He stopped next to me, studying me. His skin bore no marks, nor lines or dents. He extended his right hand forward towards me, suspending it in the air, in front of me. I looked at it, bemused. 

‘IS THIS NOT HOW YOU NORMALLY GREET?’ he asked in his glorious voice. I reacted immediately, covering my ears to spare them the resounding vibrations. He sensed my discomfort.

‘Is this better?’ he said, cauterising his voice to normal. Even though the decibels were lower, I sensed the power in his voice. This was a voice even the dead would respond to. His hand was still extended, expecting a handshake. I was overwhelmed. I was standing before God and I didn’t know how to react. My legs folded beneath me and I fell down on my knees. Folding my hands and bowing my head, I apologised for my ignorance. It had been ages since I went to the church, but I knew that you didn’t greet God by shaking his hand. 

‘Only the living do that,’ he said, picking me up by my shoulders.

‘Wh...What do you mean?’ I said, staggering up on my weakened legs. ‘I am only dreaming. This is a dream.’

God gave me a strange look. He didn’t utter a word. I remembered the old lady sleeping peacefully on my bed. She was not sleeping. She had died. I had died! That realisation alone was enough to paralyse me. I couldn’t move - didn’t want to move. I stared at the strange God, who was beaming at me. I was dead and he was happy, satisfied. And then it began. It started with a small teardrop forming on the edge of my eye and before I knew it, a plethora of tears started flowing down my face. Can dead people cry? I held my head in my hands and fell down on my knees again. I stayed down crying my eyes out. This time, he didn’t help me up. When my sobbing stopped and I was sure there would be no more, I looked up at him expectantly.

‘You are Him. You can bring me back to life.’ I looked at him, studying his expressions. In a pleading tone, I continued, ‘I am not ready to die. There is so much I have to do. Who is going to take care of Shelly? What about my house? Those evil land-grabbers will seize my house. I need to make preparations.’ He was unmoved.

‘You are God!’ I shouted. ‘Please..’ I begged, ‘Only a few more days. I promise I will not implore you on your decision the next time. Please!’

He maintained his unconcerned visage. ‘I am not this God you have known.’ He said, breaking his silence. His tone did not imply a sense of mercy or understanding, but a tone of reprimand.

I stood up, wiping away the stagnant tears off my cheek and chin. ‘What do you mean?’ I asked, trying to be in control of my emotions. ‘Where is He? Maybe He will listen to me. He will understand! Can I speak to Him?’ I pleaded again, this time in a level tone. 

‘There is only me. No one else.’ 

I stared at him, confused. ‘I don’t understand.’ Before I could continue, he spoke.

‘Your bodily life is complete. It is now time for you to choose your next course.’

I absorbed his words, echoing them in my mind. If I am being honest, the only thing to go back to is that old body, stingy house and Shelly’s callous behaviour. 

‘What do you mean by next course?’ I asked, making up my mind that it was time to let go of my old life.

The man gestured to the doors, gesticulating his hands majestically. His smile had returned. Was there a sparkle in his eyes?

I looked at the doors, noticing their colours again. The dark colours had to mean something ominous. 

‘Won’t you just tell me where I have to go? Aren’t you going to judge me based on my life? Balancing my sins and goodness on a morality scale?’

The godly man stared at me blankly. ‘If I were to do so, are you confident you would be judged positively?’ he asked in a pleasant tone.

I only nodded, not wanting to say more.

He regarded me for a while, gazing at me. ‘I would have to say, I judge you poorly.’

‘Phaw! How can you say that? I have been nice to everyone. I care deeply for my daughter. I loved my husband to my core and mourned him profoundly when he passed. I behaved righteously at work. I don’t have any bad karma in my life. No Sir, I do not. If you think you can relegate me to one of those evil places, I would beseech you to consider again.’ I blurted out all the things I could think of in my defence.

The man heard me ramble patiently and waited for me to continue further. When I didn’t, he began,

‘Your love for your daughter is the compromise you make in return for her care and money.’ I was taken aback. I started to react, but the man continued on, ‘You lusted for other men while you were married and envied the women they were with, spreading hearsay about them, calling them names. You looked down upon others at work, thinking of yourself righteous, but you forgot humility. You deceived your sick mother for her house and abandoned her to die alone.’

‘Stop!’ I shouted, unable to listen further. I felt sick to the bones. The embarrassment was burning through my skin. I held my head in shame, scared to look up. I was terrified of the man, of what he knew. I was afraid I had angered him. I had angered God. 

‘I am sorry.’ I sobbed as I muttered my apology. There was silence. I looked up at him, uncomfortably, still hesitant to meet his eyes.

‘I do not judge and neither should you. You had to decide on a path and you did. You made a choice. Your choices led you through the life you had. And now it’s over. It’s time to make new choices.’ He beckoned me towards the doors again.

I stood, staring at the doors. 

‘What do they lead to?’ I asked.

‘One of these three doors will define your next path.’ He pointed to the black door. ‘Ambition.’ He then pointed to the brown one and said, ‘Redemption’ and finally, pointing to the white one, ‘Sacrifice.’

‘Isn’t there supposed to be a heaven and a hell?’ 

He abjectly ignored my question, waiting for me to make my choice.

‘How do I know which one is for me?’ I asked, confused more than ever. ‘Can I have a peek?’

The man seemed to consider my request.

‘Which one would you like to visit?’

I pointed to the white one and he ushered me to the door. All he did was twist the doorknob and the door stood wide open. I followed after he entered. 

I was greeted by a warm gust of wind and the fragrance of freshly soaked grass. The door vanished as I stepped on the soft ground. I was surrounded by green fields. The grass on the grounds danced in the pleasant breeze. I could hear the sweet sounds of the birds, chattering incessantly, some chirping, others cooing. Far away on the horizon, I could see the hills rising, covered in lush trees. The leaves shone brightly under the light of the sun, mostly green with a mix of brown and red in between. Clusters of flowers inhabited the ground and the bees hovered over them. I strolled towards one such cluster and smelt the sweet aromas rising up from them. 

Unexpectedly, I was transported to a different place.

I was standing in a stream of cold gushing water. I could see the waterbed and the small fish swimming hither thither around me. Right in front of me, the water was falling down a cliff’s edge creating a sonorous sound of the waterfall. I stood under it and felt the soft arms embrace me in a drenching hug. I smiled and I laughed. I jumped and splashed. I was a child again.

The scene changed again.

I was in the grasslands again. This time, though, I was not alone. I heard the horses cantering before I saw a team of them running together. I spotted the rabbits hopping crazily and a pack of lions lazing around, rolling on the ground. I heard the trumpeting of elephants, far away. The demesne was filled with life. Animals and birds mingling together. The sounds they carried were heavenly. 

I felt a light tap on my shoulder and I woke up from my stupor. The man pointed to the door and piloted me away from this wonderful world. We were back to where we had started.

I pointed to the black door next and we entered into the world of Ambition.

Starkly contrasting to the previous one, I was greeted with the stink of decay and smoke as I stepped through the black door. I heard the sounds of firing guns and the booming of blasts. The ground was muddy and dirt exploded in random patches all across. Two groups of fighters - men and women, were entangled in an imposing battle. I stood in the centre of the field watching them fire at me from all sides. I shrieked, laying on the befouled ground, covering my head with my hands, trying to protect myself. It was only a long time after, I realised the soldiers couldn’t see me. I gawked in horror at the headless corpses spread deadly on the ground. Pools of blood covered the field.

I was thankful for the change of setting.

I found myself in a small town, in the midst of thousands of people. The crowd walked around me, ignoring my presence, busy in their own thoughts, in their own tasks. I heard a loud commotion a few feet away and I marched towards the sound. I saw a group of men, similarly dressed, in red overcoats and wearing the same coloured sailor caps, standing in a huddle and shouting inwardly. I strode through them curiously. My eyes fell on their faces. They were not human or at least didn’t seem to be. Their eyes were sharp, filled with greed and they had long and pointy noses and ears. Their faces were narrow and their jaws tapered downwards instead of rounding off. A man dressed in the uniform of the cult was bashing another with a stick. No one intervened. The victim had prostrated himself before the attacker and was taking the beating soundlessly. With each grunt, the vicious attacker thudded his stick harder on the victim’s naked back, causing the blood to flow out through his gashes. 

I have been transported away from one scene of a crime to another.

A woman dressed in an exquisite golden gown, covered throughout with intricate design, sat on a throne, placed on top of a raised platform. She looked ghastly, with a sharp chin, long and thin ears and a pointed nose. Her eyes were dull, with dark circles underlining them. Her sparse blonde hair barely managed to cover her head. Her mouth was curled in a slight smirk. She was presiding over a contest. A bunch of men were involved in hand combat below her throne. Men were bleeding on the ground, some lying unconscious or dead while the others, who were still capable, continued fighting. The woman looked bored, yawning shamelessly, while men killed for her.

I felt a light tap on my shoulder and I immediately knew it was time to return.

We stood on the platform again, with the doors on one side and the stairs on the other. I stared at the black door in disgust.

‘What do you choose?’ He asked.

‘What about that one?’ I asked, pointing towards the brown door.

‘The world through there is similar to the one you have left. I do not believe you would witness anything unfamiliar.’

This was it! I had to choose now. I had been feeling a constant irritation in my mind ever since I entered the black door. I had to get rid of it.

‘Why would you do that? Why would you make the two worlds so different? One of them is filled with peace and harmony while the other has death and destruction. Are you so like us, that you show partiality?’

‘I offer a choice. A choice to be a part of the whole, a choice to live better or a choice to accomplish your dreams.’ he answered patientlyI absorbed his words, echoing them in my mind. as if expecting the question. He said nothing further.

‘What if I want to be you? What if I want to be God?’ I asked, fearfully. I gazed up, expecting bolts of lightning to strike me dead or maybe a cyclone to carry me away. Nothing happened.

The man was beaming again, starlight radiating through him.

‘Should I infer that you have made your decision?’ he asked, in a tone of encouragement. I was surprised. Finally! Some glimpse of emotion.

I nodded in affirmation, understanding and satisfied with my choice. I smiled at him.

‘Thank you!’ I called out as my spirit began to disappear. Moments later, the soul of Harriet Matthews ceased to exist.