I Have A Long Nose
I Have A Long Nose
Manish was a celebrated and well-respected Manager among the members of the organization. His work ethics, patience, and dedication were a clear indication of what a great leader he made. Those working under him saw themselves grow up the corporate ladder rather very well. But, there was one doubt that clouded the whole team’s mind.
Team Outing
Once, Manish’s team went on their annual team outing to an adventure resort – they enjoyed all the games and activities, the lavish spread of food and in the night, they sat by the fire. The team agreed to play a game wherein each person would be asked one question that had to be answered. The question had to be something the member had evaded for long-anything interesting, witty, funny was more than welcome. When it was Manish’s turn, the entire team had just one thing to ask. The doubt that had clouded their minds for a long time.
“Sir, you have always been very strict about keeping personal life discussions under wraps in the work environment. You become obstinate as far as this rule is concerned. Any kind of light rumor too is taken seriously and ditched right away. We have all loved this rule. However, we really want to know if there is any experience or specific reason why you are so particular about personal life and professional matters distinction?”
Manish was indeed happy that the team brought up a useful discussion. He began to speak and revealed that he wouldn’t disclose the exact names and facts in order to respect the confidentiality of the matter. The team looked up at him.
Manish’s first job
When Manish started his career, he was a wide-eyed freshman, full of vigor, to do well in his job. All of his academic success translated into high spirits and infectious persistence at the workplace. He had quickly learned to talk to and befriend his senior colleagues too. Manish never hesitated to ask for help and was all ears and all eyes to garner any information which eventually proved beneficial for his duties. After a good few months, he was at a coffee table and the members constituted people much older than him. They were discussing a woman – the person in question was a colleague. Manish knew her fairly well – he had gone to her a couple of times. She was a quiet person but readily helpful; Manish had heard about her project management skills and customer accolades. She mostly kept to herself though.
At the coffee table, all the talk was about matters unrelated to her work. Someone had found out that she was a divorcee or perhaps separated (not legally). He seemed to fail to keep the most important discovery to himself and had found a perfect spot in the canteen to share it all with a group. Manish did not know what to say. He simply listened on. Manish did not quite like how the four people continued searching her social media profiles. They made stupid comments and a guess-work of who could be her ex-partner. Manish found it disgusting when one of the persons passed a sly remark- “No wonder, she is depressed. Does not dress to kill. Always stays buried in the pages of one or the other book or the computer screen, of course.”
Months passed after the coffee table conversation, there were several other people who had followed suit. The personal information of a team member spread like wildfire. Manish was not happy at all. At times, he felt helpless and hopeless. He too became a part of the conversation – either by merely listening, overhearing, forcibly responding to someone‘s curious queries and on some occasions, by not saying anything at all.
Back then, Manish admitted that divorce or separation was still not so openly acceptable. Especially for the woman, it was all the more challenging. People pitied the woman and worse, in some cases, blamed her too for no fault of hers. There were large sections of people who viewed it as “not affecting at all” for the man and making it “the start of a bleak future” for the woman.
Team Meeting
Once, there was an afternoon meeting called by the head of the business. All the forty members were asked to attend mandatorily. Nobody was cognizant of the purpose but chose to attend it as an obligation. It was only 20 minutes into the meeting and the overly stern expression and the red anger written all over the head’s face made sense.
The senior manager revealed the real reason why everybody was called in. The funny and casual discussions that everybody in the team had about the woman in the team had crossed limits. The talks did not limit to coffee tables, office chats but had reached other teams in the workplace. Adding fuel to the fire was one Mr. X in the team who had failed miserably to contain his insane excitement – he had contacted an ex-colleague of the woman to get “clarity” on her relationship status!
Complete silence followed the revelation. Nobody dared to raise their heads. We all had to be ashamed. We deserved the punishment of a severe level. In the dead silence, people heard the woman suppressing her sobs.
The manager reprimanded the whole team for behaving so badly in handling a personal matter of an employee. He mentioned that we had stooped to a very low level by treating a woman’s dignity so mischievously and carelessly. He challenged us if we would like it if someone ever played around with our darkest spaces in life- Nobody had an answer. He openly admitted that admonishing employees in a public space is highly unprofessional but continued to justify his actions because what the whole team had resorted to was more damaging to the spirit of professionalism in itself. He mercilessly announced that each of the members would be given “No hike, No Promotion” for a year. He proudly confessed that he had enough proof for each of our actions – he emphasized that our own conscience is proof enough. Before we left, the manager asked each of us to personally apologize to the employee as well as leave an official note saying we would not repeat.
By the fire
Manish reluctantly came back to the present. The current team understood why Manish so strongly believed in that principle. Manish tearfully added that we humans love to interfere. It is sad that we struggle to speak up for what is right, we think twice before supporting and helping someone in need, we are in a hurry to draw conclusions about people without knowing the truth ; however, we all have a long nose because we want to poke our nose in every other person’s business! We hardly care for anyone else’s sentiment and emotional well being.
Eighteen years ago, I personally went to my manager and promised that I would never encourage myself or anyone around to discuss personal matters in a professional set up. He faintly smiled and acknowledged the promise. What he uttered after that stayed with me – “I feel so incapable and cowardly to have lost a wonderful, hardworking and an exceptionally talented woman employee merely because the work atmosphere I created as a leader is so weak and uninspiring.”
The star woman employee had only requested that whatever happened to her should not repeat with any other woman. She, on the other hand, wanted to resign because of her own will and move on for better opportunities. After all, she had heard more than half the population at office talk about her broken marriage, scars from the abuse, her age, and wrinkles, her fight with depression and how unlucky she was. Nobody cared about her accomplishments and strength.